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201,538 I am a crack addict. I love to watch chiropractors crack peoples bones for hours. I have to stop it.


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201,537 I am a crack addict. I love to watch chiropractors crack peoples bones for hours. I have to stop it.


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201,536 Lucas, I have a crush on you. You said you were coming back soon, but I did not dare to ask what you meant by "soon". I thought you meant days. But, apparently, you meant months...


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201,535 I'm having a genital herpes outbreak. I really don't see what the big deal is. most people have it, but won't admit it.


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201,534 I only want you, SB.  I've never been like this


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201,533 My husband has developed a bad drinking habit. Not only is that where all our money goes (we make just over six figures but have no savings) but he looks like shit. Not just the weight, but he looks old and tired. We were born in the same month, same year, but when we're out or people see my picture, they think I'm his daughter.


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201,532 I'm gonna kick tomorrow.


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201,531 I live in a totally adorable, way desirable, way below-market bungalow.  Lucky meeeee!!!  :)  The compromise is my neighbor on the shared wall.

She's a spoiled brat who reneged on her agreement to protect something of mine.  She's early 40's now, and a "massage therapist."  This means that I hear her garage door go up at 1AM - on Tuesday.

Let me state - I have no problem whatsoever with sex work and only the baby daddy / her daddy I see around, but...

And then there's the all-hours laundry.  Somebody gotta wash the proof out right?  Am I crazy to think that she's actually got an entirely different job description?


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201,530 A few years ago, my Mom offered to make a payment on my line of credit as my birthday gift. It was a nice/good idea so I gave her my info. But she kept making payments. She has paid down so much of my debt! I never asked her to do it. I appreciate it more than she could imagine, but I also feel sooo guilty. This is not her debt. I don’t want her to spend her money on me. It’s not fair to her. But I also don’t feel comfortable asking her to stop paying it because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I am also struggling to make the payments on my own.


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201,529 I have always really liked alcohol.  I really wish it didn’t make me feel and look like shit. However, I still don’t regret quitting and feel lucky it wasn’t difficult stopping.


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201,526 Alcoholism is contagious. I was fine before I met him.


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201,525 How old were you when you had your first sexual experience?


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201,524 This is hard to explain, but Danish people are too nice. It gets annoying.


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201,523 When I go to Home Depot, even if I'm not buying paint, I stop by the paint department and ask the guys if I can take a few extra stirring sticks. A guy can never have too many stirring sticks. Doesn't take much to keep us happy.


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201,522 Those mothers who force their 5 year old son to practice practice practice the violin everyday and then they drag him out at family gatherings to perform Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.... just stop it. No your son is not a prodigy!


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201,521 There’s a woman in my office that is a lesbian.  Yeah, ok, that’s cool and all, but she is one of those lesbians that was “touched by daddy” and now she is overcompensating by “making herself so ugly no man will want her”.  

She is trying to be more man-ish by getting a buzzcut, growing facial hair, and wearing sports gear.  She wears a Dodgers hat that is too big and it covers parts of her ears and she has worn it that way so long that she is getting cauliflower ears.

The worst part is that in trying to be a man, she thinks that men smell, which she does.  I only smell that way in summer when I’m mowing the lawn, whereas she smells like that every day.  


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201,520 I'm quite vocal in my town. I stand up for what is right. I also point out when something is wrong. I often write letters to the paper and constantly comment online. I'm sort of well known for my vigilance in trying to make the town a better place. I look for no reward. I consider this my civic responsibility.

That said, I was at a town meeting. The police chief was speaking to the town leaders. He spoke well and made a good point about the need for some repairs at the police station. The mayor seemed unconvinced. He asked if there were any comments from the public. I spoke in support of the police chief's request. I said I'm well known for never wanting to spend taxpayer money, but come on, the police need working bathrooms.

The police got their request, the project was funded.

When I was back in the parking lot, I noticed the police chief walked past the back of my car. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of my license plate. I didn't know what that was about. I hoped I wasn't in trouble for something.

A few months later I was driving while on my cell phone. (Yes that's a bad thing to do.) A cop pulled me over. Dammit. The officer came to my car window. He was not pleased. He made some condescending comments about how irresponsible I was. He tersely asked for my license and registration. He went back to his patrol car to look me up on his computer.

It took a long time. I could see him in my rear view mirror. He was talking on his radio.

He came back to me with a smile on his face. He said there will be no ticket. He said thanks for all I do for the town and he then said they really needed those new bathrooms.

It pays to be nice to your police department! You never know when it might come in handy.


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201,519 I recently got back in touch with my childhood best friend. We lost touch for a while after we joined the Army.  We texted a little, then hung out this past weekend, and I realized that I'm in love with him and probably always have been.  I'm gray-ace and only feel like making love when I'm in love, which is one of the reasons I know I'm in love with him.  I think he's bisexual, but I know he has PTSD.  I wonder whether we'd be sexually compatible.  He's much more adventurous in that way than I have ever been, so I wonder if I'd bore him.  His PTSD has him so that he doesn't want to have sex at all, though.  I'm not used to being the horny one, and I don't want to push him into anything. I don't want to ever lose touch with him again. I hope he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, even if we never make love.  


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201,518 I live a quarter mile from the restaurant. My friend lives three miles away. Just before we were to meet, she sent me a text saying she doesn't feel like driving so could I swing by and give her a ride. I'm feeling used. I feel like it was a powerplay. She has turned me into her driver.


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201,517 The high school where I live has something called the "Diamond In The Rough" scholarship award. It is given to a student who I guess is a diamond in the rough. On one level this is nice, but on another level, how would you like your picture in the newspaper announcing to the entire town that you are a diamond in the rough. It's like announcing that the student messed up big time in high school. Bad idea for a scholarship. Call the damned award something else.


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201,516 US milk production is measured in pounds, not gallons. Does that make sense to anyone? Have you ever gone to the supermarket to buy a few pounds of milk?


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201,515 To me, all the girls in boy scouts look like future lesbians.


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201,514 I live in an apartment building. There is a vent in my shower. It's high up on the wall next to the ceiling. When I climb up there and look inside I can see the vent for the bathroom next door to my unit. It's not perfectly lined up with mine. It's offset to the side by about a foot. So I can't see into her bathroom. But I think if I take my vent cover off and place a mirror in the vent duct at a 45 degree angle, I will be able to watch my next door neighbor in the shower. I haven't done it. But I'm aware it is possible.


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201,513 I finally got rid of the bed bugs in my apartment. Yay! Those little fuckers are persistent.


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201,512 I like waiting on line at the post office. There are always soccer moms. I chat them up. One day the US Postal Service is going to get me laid.


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201,511 I know a young woman who started a restaurant (with family money). I finally had a chance to go eat there. Oh boy was it bad. The food was similar to the junk you'd make at home if you were being lazy or in a big hurry. Peanut butter and jelly is a menu item. As is Kraft Mac and Cheese. This place is a disaster. I can't say it to anyone though. Right, we are not allowed to speak the truth for fear of offending. We have to be nice. This young woman will so go out of business and all I'm allowed to do is silently watch.


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201,510 My Dremel died. This pisses me off. I pay money in good faith. I use a product for a few hours. Then I have to throw it out. It's the American way.


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201,509 I wish I could visit the person with the homemade empanadas.  Sounds really great right now.


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201,508 Never trust what customer services tells you.


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201,507 We are making strides towards universal healthcare. Okay. I get it. People want this. But you know what else would be good? Universal sex. We should all have the option of getting sex once a week. The government should provide a mechanism for this to happen. It's as important as healthcare. Maybe even more important.


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201,506 I'm so fucking high right now!


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201,505 The thing in my life I can't change
Is you.
I can't change the fact that we met,
I can't change the hurt you caused me
I can't change that you did it to me
Knowingly
And deliberately.
I can't change that you don't want me
Or that you never will
I can only try to think about you a little less each day,
Until hopefully
It will oneday change the fact that it still hurts
And that I still care about you
Even though i wish i didn't




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201,504 I salvage items from the dump. Sometimes it's a lamp that won't work. I redo the wiring and voila I have a new lamp. Or this week it was a pair of great headphones. One ear was dead. I opening it up. I saw a wire was snapped. A little solder and now I have new headphones. People are wasteful and lazy. They don't put in the effort to repair anything. The throw out good stuff. Their loss, my gain.


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201,503 I'm freaking out a little in this past hour. I always take some meds first thing in the morning. It's for blood pressure. This afternoon I realized I forgot to take them. So I took the pills after lunch. Then I remembered I did take them this morning. Shit, I took a double dose today. Now I feel weak. My ears are ringing. My thoughts are cloudy. Maybe I'm od-ing. That would suck.


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201,502 My grandmother has cancer. It's spread to her bones and is causing her a lot of pain.  Statistically speaking, nobody survives Stage 4 cancer.  She is in palliative care; all of her doctors think she's going to die.  She still thinks she'll get better, though. I don't know if she's blessed with hope or just really, really dumb.  I try to agree with her when she acts like it's all going to be OK, but I'm faking it.


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201,501 My friends are getting married this summer 1,000 miles from where any of us live. She saw a church years ago and decided that's where she wanted to get married. I think it's crazy selfish. Two hundred guests will have to buy plane tickets and pay for hotels. I don't have that kind of money. I haven't told them yet but I'm not going.


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201,500 My wife will only have sex if she gets something in return.


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201,499 This woman in the office has to be at least 20 years younger than me.  She's very pretty and athletic.  She looks like she's in her mid-20s.  She's on a different contract on another part of my floor.  I don't talk to her other than saying good morning because I don't know her.  I'm married, two kids, and almost 50 years old.  I used to run and weightlift and I was told I was "handsome" a lot, but now I'm mostly gray and have the ol' dad bod.  I'm years past the point when I was attractive.

I have a female work friend my age who's a few cubical rows over from this woman.  I probably walk past this mid-20s woman's area three times a day to chat with my friend, go to and from the office kitchen and restrooms, etc.  Over the last four months I've finally noticed that this mid-20s woman has been popping up in the kitchen right behind me after I walk by her area.  Maybe every third day that we're both in the office, I walk past her area to go to the kitchen, I look back, and she's like 8 feet behind me.  I thought it was coincidence until I realized there's 30 people in that area that I walk by, and 80% of the time somebody gets up from their desk as I walk by, it's her.  This isn't the only example, but I just don't want to waste time talking about the other things like this.

So I'm old enough to know that women will find excuses to be around guys they're interested in.  I think they call it lingering.  But I laughed at myself thinking a woman like her could ever be interested in an old has-been like me.  Plus, she knows I'm married, and I'm not going to risk my wife and the kids so I can chase some girl I don't know half my age.  So I shrugged it off.  Just a coincidence and leave it at that.

Until last week, when I chat with my female friend, walk past 20-something woman's area, turn around, and she's right behind me again.  But this time I have to go to the sink to wash my hands.  I put soap on them and turn on the water.  Woman stands right next to me, while I am lathering up and obviously using the fucking sink, and says "excuse me" while reaching her arm up and across my face so she can get into the cabinet above the sink.  The same sink which I am fucking using because I have soap all over my fucking hands.  I have to move my body out of the way while I am still try to reach the water because this woman has pushed my ass out of the way so she can rifle through the cabinet above my head.  And I can't risk making bodily contact with her, so there I am with my arms stretched out to the goddamn breaking point trying to finish washing my hands while she apparently doesn't give a shit that I'm using the fucking sink.

It was like we were a fucking circus act.  Anybody who saw this would have wondered what the fuck was going on.

Do women really do this sort of crazy shit?  Is this what happens when young women have schoolgirl crushes?  Or is this woman just crazy?


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201,498 I unplugged my phone so the bill collectors will stop calling. I considered canceling the phone altogether, but I would have to pay a $75 penalty and the phone is only $10 a month so it’s cheaper to just unplug it until the contract is up.


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201,497 Divorced women try to ruin married women's marriages.  About 15 years ago this happened to an older friend of mine.  I hadn't seen him in a while and one day he showed back up to a music practice.  He said his wife divorced him.  His wife had started hanging around a divorced woman, and one day she came home one day and wanted a divorce.  He had no idea why what happened.  Thank God, he's remarried and looks so much happier now.

But he warned me about this phenomena and I knew what was happening when it started happening to me.  My wife met a divorced woman three years ago in another state.  They communicated regularly.  After a year,my wife started getting into bullshit fights with me, threatening to take the children from me, etc.

One night after one of these bullshit fights I was sitting in the bedroom when her phone started buzzing.  Multiple texts from her divorced friend were coming in.  I knew my wife had been sending her texts about the fights.  I remembered my friend.  For the first time, I read my wife's texts.

Holy shit.

There was her divorced friend, telling my wife I was abusive and she shouldn't put up with me.  Pages and pages of this shit.  Forget the fact that it was my wife who started the argument in the first place.

I texted the friend from my phone and said I saw the texts she sent my wife.  I politely told her that I did not believe it was prudent for us to be communicating anymore.  I left it at that.  I approached my wife and told her I read the texts, too.  We had a discussion.

My wife hasn't talked to the woman since.  Our marriage has improved.


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201,496 I don't know what to think about Michael Jackson but I know this. If you, me or anyone else had sleepovers with 12 year old boys we would be in prison.


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201,495 I'm not sexually attracted to my husband anymore. He hasn't let himself go. His personality hasn't changed. I'm not interested in someone else. We're still getting along great, actually kind of better than we previously had been, but it feels more like a friendship now. I don't know why I've started feeling this way. He hasn't brought it up, so neither have I. We've been married 2 1/2 years. I don't know if this is just going to be our lives now or what.


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201,494 Hey job posting websites! Can you stop sending me notifications that the employer who "laid me off" (read: got rid of everyone who didn't fit into their obnoxious little club of assholes) four months ago is hiring for my former job title?

Even if I could get a job there (they hate me), I'd rather eat literal feces than work in that hellhole again.

So STOP.

K thx love you mean it byeeee....


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201,493 His voice is so damn sexy. But I’m so damn married.


                              Willpower


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201,492 Real friendship is when u pretend u didn’t hear her fart


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201,491 None of my wife's family has ever friended me on Facebook. I send requests and they ignore me.


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201,490 The older I get, the weirder I am about what excites me. In my twenties, having sex in the back of a cab was right up there. Now in my forties, getting a new washer and dryer gives me way more of a thrill.


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201,489 I am always understanding about people who had an affair. Because I had one.


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201,488 I would like to jerk off in front of a woman. Maybe a man. Possibly. But definitely a woman for now. Can women out there tell me if this idea would ever be appealing? Would you want to see a stranger jerk off? Would any man want to see me jerk off?


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201,487 I dated a woman years ago. She was a manipulator. I was never good enough for her. It was the kind of thing where we'd be talking at a party and she would be looking over my shoulder to see if there was someone better (aka richer) she could talk to.

She broke up with me and was very cruel about it. She told me I wasn't successful nor ambitious enough. It made me fell like crap.

I thought back to her boyfriend before me. She broke up with him and he tried to kill himself. Suddenly I understood why he did it.

After our break up we went our separate ways. I recently found out her husband died. The newspaper report made that veiled statement, "Police announced the death was not suspicious and there will be no further investigation." I take that to mean he killed himself.

This woman. She's not a black widow where she murders her men. But she's like a suicide queen where she manipulates men into taking their own lives. This needs to be investigated by law enforcement. I feel like I should tell them about the first boyfriend trying to kill himself. And how she made me feel. There's a pattern here. This can't be legal.


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201,486 Friends bought a house. It cost about $1 million. During their first year of ownership, they found many things wrong. The roof leaked. The basement leaked. Water ran down the inner walls when ice built up in the gutters. The house was very cold because so much of the insulation in the walls had been compromised by the inner water damage. This also led to mold.

In the end they had the house torn down and they built a new one on the same spot. This cost them another $1 million. In the end they ended up with a $1 million house which cost them $2 million. The debt was killing them. They decided to sell. But the housing market is down. They sold it for $800, 000. This wiped out all their saving and all their equity in the house. They are going to retire with nothing.

Their tale scares the bejesus out of me. I will never buy a house.


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201,485 Ever had a pussy that tastes so good? Yup my wife has one of those.


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201,484 If my husband ever hits me, I’m not sure I can bring him. I am actually expecting rain came. But if I’m the driving force that makes him do it, is it my fault? Because then I’ll have to force myself to leave, but it will be because I brought him to that point.


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201,483 There is no "r" in the word "idea". I cringe when someone says "idear".


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201,482 Whenever my wife has dinner with her divorced friend Kathy, she comes home bitter and angry with me, even though we were happily getting along great before she went to dinner. I suspect divorced women intentionally try to drag down their happily married female friends.


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201,481 I no longer eat nuts. I broke a tooth on a nut. Never again.


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201,480 There are many articles this week claiming the college admissions process is rigged in favor of rich people. I think the opposite is true. It's rigged in favor of minorities. I see Valedictorians turned down for a slot in an Ivy and instead a minority student with a much lower GPA is accepted. Rigged yes. Rigged towards the rich? No.


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201,479 It has always been very difficult for me to eat at other peoples homes


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201,478 I had a terrifying nightmare last night where I moved two states away to hide from my stalker ex with BPD, but he still found me and followed me there anyway. I drove my sister’s car to throw him off, but he knew it was me anyway. He made announcements over the intercom at the grocery store I was at to meet him at a certain time and place. He would give notes to people to give to me when I was in public. That same old feeling of fear overtook me like it did last year, just before and for months after breaking up with him. I woke up terrified and it took a good 15-20 seconds to realize it was only a dream and not real. Then I became angry.

I absolutely hate this piece of trash “person” at times like these where I awaken in the middle of the night scared out of my wits. He does not contribute anything of value to this world. He wants more than he’s willing to work for, takes all he can, and then doesn’t give anything back because he is a parasite and emotional vampire. If he died, I wouldn’t be so petty as to celebrate his death, but I’d probably softly smile to myself as I read the obituary.


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201,477 As a former heavy drinker, I can usually spot a heavy drinker just by the way they look. I remember having the red face the puffy face and that all around “bleary” look. I feel like if I kept it up I probably would have some major health problems now. I’m still terrified of how I used to treat my body.


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201,476 My secret is that I am so tired of the west bowing down to Islam. I know this goes against main stream thought, but I am tired of it. I have a feeling a lot of people are as well.


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201,475 Some of my best voyeuristic memories are of watching couples fuck. Amazing how many people think that if they have sex in a back bedroom, they don't have to close the curtains. They don't realize there are creeps like me sneaking around in the bushes.


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201,474 Environmentalists can be annoying and pretentious. This one guy told me that you have to wash your recycling. Like it wasn't enough that I rinse out my takeout containers, he washes his with soap and a scrubber like you do with dishes at home. Um huh? That's the point of takeout number one, no work. Number two on principle I'm not washing a recycling container. I'll rinse it but I won't wash it. He says they won't take it otherwise. Really? That sounds demanding and obnoxious to me. It's freaking recycling. They get a little too carried away


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201,473 Class rankings were just announced. Out of the top 10 students in my son's senior class, 9 of them are Asian or Indian. Wow.


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201,472 This guy who I liked came looking for me again, we were talking on and off for years, he knew I liked him and he acted like he wanted to chill.  So we talk for awhile, he says we should hang but never makes a plan. Tells me all of these nasty things he wants to do with me. Asks for pics, etc. Then all of a sudden he has a gf. What? But I'm not supposed to be mad. You can't treat people that way and expect them not to speak their mind. I go off on him and he says please not to harass him. That's so manipulative. I thought he was honest and not a player. He's such a liar and asshole. I just feel played. And that's what these guys do. They toy with you and when you tell them off...aka consequences of their actions... They don't wanna hear it and it's "harassment". Not cool. That's a form of manipulation. He doesn't deserve happiness with how he treats people. If this gf is even real... I just hope he continues to get rejected like he used to tell me he would get.


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201,471 I wish I had thought to label all the pictures from my youth, like write the names of each person on the back of the photo. Here I am 50 years later, looking at these old class photos, and pictures from school plays, and what-not, and I can't remember most of the names of my fellow students. Hey young people, don't make my mistake. You may think you will never forget, but you will. Label you photos.


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201,470 My wife would give me hell if I ever brought our kids to a McDonalds. I think McDonalds are good. There's a reason they exist everywhere. The food is fast and tasty. But my wife gets on her self righteous soap box and condemns McDonalds saying it's the worst restaurant ever and she'd never even think of going there even if she was starving and it was the last restaurant on earth.

She's currently away for the weekend. She's back in her home town visiting with her high school friends. I'm sneakily following her on "Find My Iphone". I can see that right this minute she's sitting in a McDonalds.

She just likes to give me a hard time. She thrives on complaining about everything I do. But she can do whatever she wants. This is marriage. Be warned.


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201,469 An Australian lawmaker gets an egg smashed on his head. But that's okay. He said something a young person didn't like. It's now okay to hit older people if you disagree with them.


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201,468 I gave in and slept with my ex and I can see all the hard work I put into getting myself back slowly unraveling. I knew it was a bad decision but I just needed intimacy so badly. Oh please give me the strength to stay away for good.


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201,467 When I’m fighting with him I am thinking about you, and all of our wonderful memories together. Sometimes I wonder if hi ever were to have a mental breakdown, lashed out, and connecting with you again, and asked you to meet me somewhere bizarre - I wholeheartedly believe that you would be willing.


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201,466 I watched a news report where a women took in a pit bull that was abandoned by her neighbor. The dog killed all her cats then it attacked her. She almost lost her arm. I'm not surprised. Almost every time someone gets attacked by a dog it's a pit bull. Those dogs are monsters.


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201,465 Would never marry or have children with someone in the military. They are merely sperm donors who aren’t around for their children, probably fucking other women in other countries. Seriously. The guise of hero is worn out and over done. The government uses them all like pawns. They don’t care who they are. They are expendible and easily replaced by the next guy with high aspirations to be a hero and fight for a country that doesn’t care about them, or us. Deployment after deployment while the rich get richer and the poor get poorer. And you’re an ignorant sap who believed in something that is little more than a fantasy, who will come back with PTSD or worse, injured. No one cares about the homeless vets. Let’s quit pretending we do.


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201,464 Sometimes my hands and feet go numb.


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201,462 I picked my husband up from the airport this afternoon.  He'd been away for business for several weeks.  When we got home he pulled a box out of his suitcase. It was a present for me - a vibrator.  We went upstairs to the bedroom and I went to town while he watched.  I had such a powerful orgasm that I squirted all over the bed.  (I haven't done that in a LONG time.)  He asked what I was thinking about to make me squirt, and I told him I was thinking about him fucking me.




***I was actually thinking about fucking the hot young guy at work that I've been getting closer to***


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201,461 I buy my dog a Christmas present every year. But he never gets me anything! :(


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201,460 I completely disagree with the phrase "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." love destroyed me


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201,459 My coworker announced last week that she's pregnant. Now she won't shut up about it. She's now more annoying than my other coworker who is a single mother. I really need to find a new job.


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201,458 I don't know why there is tension between the US and China. The Chinese have great food. They have it good over there. They should forget about world domination and chill out with some crispy szechuan beef.


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201,457 If ever I decided to off myself, I'd first run up my credit cards to the max. It would be very satisfying to spend the money and not have to pay it back.


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comments: 4

201,456 My coworkers keep talking about the massacres and shootings that keep happening. They can’t figure out why.

I’ll tell you why.

It’s because HUMAN KIND is shit. There. That’s why.
So, your bearing a child doesn’t help, and neither does a private education. Humanity is naturally a toxic, disgusting mess. I hate it all.



likes: 1
comments: 0

201,455 I’m 25. I had a lot of friends in high school.
I don’t have any friends now.
My husband tells me it’s because of the person I am.
I believe him, but that’s hurtful.
Maybe this is why I don’t care how I make people feel/not having many people in my life. It’s such a chore to keep up and build relationships. I’d rather be alone forever anyway...but not really. Maybe someone that’s just like me would be nice. Then there would be no expectations, and we’d know what to expect from each other already


likes: 2
comments: 1

201,454 I often wonder if I’m suffering the same way as other “depressed/damaged” people...but I might never know if I end my own life. I wonder if they thought that same way too...
What’s the point anyway? Besides spending money, seeing things, and hanging out with friends and family...what’s the point of life? It’s not that great.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,453 When I overhear someone at work mention they will be going out with friends for dinner, or they will be going on vacation with friends, it makes me sad. I'm happy for them. But I'm sad because I have no friends. No one has ever invited me anywhere.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,452 I need sex but I just can't seem to find a compatible fuck buddy. They all seem to want more. I'm a female in my late 20s. This seems backwards.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,451 My husband is gone for the night. Honestly I can use the break.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,450 I do not like being teased. You tease me you are off my list.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,449 I'm a big DIY guy. I have brought houses, boats, and cars back to life. I enjoy the process of fixing broken things. It has taken me a few years to realize this, but I think the biggest DIY repair project I've ever taken on is... my wife.


likes: 2
comments: 1

201,448 I got the strangest phone call the other day. It was on my cell. A woman called looking for a guy. She stated his full name. I recognized the name. My wife had a fling with this man when we were first married a dozen years ago. They worked together at the time and it happened on a business trip with alcohol involved. It almost cost us the marriage. It's still a sore point. But how weird someone calls my cell looking for him. I've been racking my brain trying to figure out how this could have happened. I'm not thinking my wife did anything wrong. She says she's never had contact with him again. I'm thinking someone my wife knows from that old job must have also had this other guy's number and mis-dialed me instead of him.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,447 My favorites:

Razzmatazz
Macaroni and Cheese
Mango Tango
Fuzzy Wuzzy
Granny Smith Apple
Dandelion
Rain Forest
Manatee
Tangerine
Wisteria
Jazzberry Jam


likes: 3
comments: 6

201,446 My hub doesn't know where his parents are buried. He was back in his home state to visit with high school friends. I mentioned he could visit his parents' graves. He said he forgets where they are buried. I wonder if my children will forget about me one day.


likes: 1
comments: 10

201,445 The New Zealand shooter is very handsome. I guess I'm not supposed to say that.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,444 Everyone else seems to be leaving on a grand spring break vacation with their kids - Japan, Mexico, Jamaica. And I'm sitting on hold with the hospital billing department trying to put another medical bill on a payment plan. I'm fucking sick of being a single-income household and never being able to give my kids fun things they deserve. I wish my husband would get a real job already.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,443 A couple night ago I recalled the moment I opened a small box, flaps scalloped, in a trash can from cleaning out our dad's house.  Our brother was handling the garage.

I'm kind of cardboard eco-crazy, so I pulled this very small box out to see, just to see.

And I will never tell, and these.

Inside was a little booklet inside some paper packing wrappings.

It's title was:
Incest.

Not sure how I can carry this around for the rest of my life.
My maternal grandmother came from a house of rape.
My dad was a porn addict.
He literally worked in a "store" after he retired from his union/parachute job.
Incest.
My aunts?  His mother?
It was like one of those little cash register booklets from back in the day, but the subject matter?  Where would somebody find and purchase something like this?

He never, ever, EVER did anything with me or my sister, or my brother.
But...
It haunts me.



likes: 2
comments: 0

201,442 The only reason I volunteered to work tomorrow is so I can can be with our newest employee. She's young and extremely hot. She doesn't know it yet but I will have sex with her. It just takes a little time.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,441 I am a very private person. I share as little as possible with others. I learned this behavior. I noticed over the years that if I share private inner thoughts with people, they will turn around and use it against me one day. People are basically immature and spiteful. Example 1. I shared with a friend how I don't like to fly. Sure enough, a few months later the friend wanted my help with something. I usually do help. But this one time I couldn't. Out of  spite, the friend told everyone I'm afraid of flying. Example 2. I dated a woman for a year. During that time we did some interesting sex involving role playing (doctor patient, that sort of thing). We broke up. She turned around and told everyone all the role playing we did. What a low blow. That was private bedroom stuff. It's so wrong to try to use it against me. There are more examples but whatever. Now I don't share my thoughts with anyone. People aren't to be trusted.


likes: 2
comments: 1

201,440 I am not looking forward to the summer months. I prefer fall and winter.


likes: 3
comments: 2

201,439 Oh Cave, repository of our deepest and darkest...
Thank you for coming back to us!


likes: 9
comments: 0

201,438 Every morning I wake up to check the news to see if anyone has MeToo’ed you yet and your whole life is very publicly destroyed. Sadly, that day wasn’t today. Oh well, tomorrow’s another day.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,437 I’m so glad you’re back.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,436 My secret is that I really want to watch the video. My other secret is that I’m disgusted with myself for wanting to watch the video.


likes: 0
comments: 20

201,435 Sometimes when I pick my nose and it's an inopportune moment, like I'm in a car and I don't want to wipe the booger on the upholstery, I'll put it in my pocket.


likes: 2
comments: 4

201,432 Star Trek was kind of ruined for me when they had young Spock dating Uhura.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,431 It's so obvious when a person has had a facelift. They fool no one. I talk to friends who have had the procedure and the whole time I'm thinking how vain they are.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,430 I found out that my ex-wife was in an automobile accident and she destroyed her new car. That made me smile. Unfortunately she wasn't injured or killed. Then I would have laughed.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,429 ME: For lunch, would you like to split last night's Chinese food with me?

HER: What?

ME: For lunch, would you like to split last night's Chinese food with me?

HER: You want to know if I'd like to split the Chinese food with you?

ME: Yes.

HER: That's what you want to know?

ME: Yes.

HER: The Chinese food from last night?

ME: Yes.

HER: The Chinese food from last night's dinner?

ME: Yes.

HER: That's what you are asking?

ME: Please stop. Seriously. Listen to what you are saying. I asked a simple question. I am trying to be nice and get some lunch for both of us. Why do you ask a million questions that don't need to be asked at all? It's a very simple concept. There are leftovers. Do you want some? You do this all the time. You  take every simple conversation and turn it into a tedious nightmare. Could you just answer the question, do you want some Chinese food, yes or no. Please don't say anything other than one of those words.

HER: You are asking if I want Chinese food?



I live in hell.


likes: 1
comments: 4
flagged

201,428 I actually do have an uncle named Bob.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,427 People at work are talking the blackout on Facebook. I didn't even notice seeing I only log in once every few months.  The work people were freaking out, like they needed a heroin fix and couldn't find their dealer. Sad.


likes: 2
comments: 1

201,426 I used to have very mean and angry thoughts about people, I used to often feel like they were conspiring against me.I have since stopped drinking alcohol and all of those thoughts have slipped away. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I actually have a positive outlook. I wasn’t even an alcoholic but I drank on the heavy side. I gave it up for Lent in 2017 and haven’t had a drink since.


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,425 On my computer, I'll be done surfing the web so I'll close the FireFox browser. Then I realize I want to check one more website, so I double click the desktop icon to open the browser again. As much as my previous browsing session is no longer on the screen, apparently the FireFox program is still running in the background shutting down various bits. The new launch I'm trying to do notices there is a still a version running, so a pop-up appears asking if I'd like to close FireFox.

But you see what happens?  I'm trying to open FireFox, so I have to click a button saying YES I'd like to close FireFox.

Hmm. Guess who came up with that design?



likes: 0
comments: 2
flagged

201,424 I was cleaning up. My wife had left a glass on the kitchen table. There was an inch of water in it. I emptied the water and put the glass in the dishwasher. Ten minutes later when my wife was next in the kitchen she flipped out that I emptied the water out of her glass. She insisted it was wasteful to pour water down the drain. She worked herself into a frenzy over my outrageous act of emptying her glass. It's not like we live in the desert and every drop is precious. We live in DC. There is no water shortage here. She just wants to be mad at something. It's her daily fuel to find something I've done wrong. It's getting very tiresome.


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,423 I am very uncomfortable around people. I'm not sure why. I am relaxed when by myself. I am okay when I'm with one other person. But put me in a party situation and I am self conscious and awkward. This is a curse which has affected me my whole life. I've been looking for a "cure". There have been times where I force myself into these populated situations thinking if I get exposed more to people, I will get used to it. Instead it was torture. It was like trying to cure my hatred of the dentist by going there and having all my teeth drilled. I'm looking for suggestions on how to overcome my social dysfunction.


likes: 3
comments: 4

201,422 I have been single for a while and I really enjoy it. I don’t think I will ever be in a relationship again. My secret is I worry there is something wrong with me because I don’t like it. Honestly though, I have never been happier so I’m just gonna go with what makes me happy


likes: 4
comments: 7

201,420 Thanks to Facebook, a terrorist can live stream his attack. I''m tired of hearing about bad things associated with Facebook.  Time to reel them in.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,419 My secret.. I was secretly mourning over being permanently banned on Cavecanum.  A place I have been coming to for over ten years.  Glad to see Cave back!!!


likes: 5
comments: 3

201,418 Two years ago my friends put their house up for sale at $1,000,000. They received an offer at $975,000. They turned it down saying they wanted more. They never received another offer. Eventually they started dropping the price. It is currently listed for $860,000. Their greed two years ago bit them in the ass. Secretly, it pleases me when rich people take a hit.


likes: 2
comments: 6

201,417 So, CC boss, what happened here?  You left us all for awhile and we were pining (as does the Norweigan Blue for the fjords).  Everything OK?


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,416 Imagine crying while you’re having an orgasm during masturbation because you were a literal child sex slave for years and are now too traumatized to function and you can’t think about sex without reliving that trauma. Tears streaming down my face as I use my vibrator thinking about how I’ll never be normal


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,415 "Daddy / Daughter Date Night"

What the fuck is wrong with some parents?!?


likes: 1
comments: 9

201,414 Of all the events in my life, nothing has been as lonely as being married to my wife.






likes: 1
comments: 1

201,413 My ex broke up with me last week. I have been so depressed ever since. I keep telling myself that eventually everything will be OK and I will be OK and I will move on, but I'm so deep in it, I'm worried I'll never come out of this place. I wish he would call me. I keep it together at work and then when I go on lunch break, I sit alone and cry. As soon as I get home, I make dinner and cry into my food. I feel like my friends are getting sick of me, but I can't pick myself up.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,412 My wife is mean. It's her dominant personality trait.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,411 I hate religious rules.  I'll never stop avoiding church!

30 m


likes: 3
comments: 3

201,410 I hate reading and watching videos regarding Brazil. My ex is Brazilian, and I am always afraid that his life will be affected, or he’ll be hurt. Freaks me out..
We don’t even talk anymore...but he’s never left my mind. Now watching the news and all the crazy things going on around the world, and in South America is really getting to me


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,409 Anytime someone announces their pregnant, I get this strong urge to kick them in their gut. I don’t like humanity. Stop adding to it.  Your kid is it going to magically make this world any better, so keep your damn legs closed and find a new hobby.


likes: 3
comments: 2
flagged

201,408 I’m not suffering from depression like I used to, but I honestly believe I will eventually kill myself. I don’t know why though. Lack of self control, mostly.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,407 hey SB, Cavecanum is back!


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,406 Worst thing I ever had to do in my life. I cleaned out the holding tank of a sailboat which hadn't been emptied in years. There was 10 year old piss and shit in there. The outlet hose was clogged so I had to cut a hole in the top of the tank and scoop the contents out with a plastic cup. I still have nightmares about it.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,405 There is this guy. He's an angry venomous a--hole. He comments non-stop on everyone else's business. He's 50 something and already had one massive heart attack. If anything it has increased his anger at the world. When he dies, hopefully soon, I want to give his eulogy. I will say "The world is now a better place." The audience will cheer and carry me around the church on their shoulders. Goodbye Dad.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,404 Is there really a difference between letting below average kids into a top college because of their race, and letting below average kids into a top college because of their parents' money?

I think both practices are wrong.


likes: 2
comments: 8

201,403 I know a woman who sells makeup. She constantly posts online trying to promote the products. In the past she has used herself as a guinea pig. But more and more she puts makeup her now 8 year old son. He's featured with lipstick or eye shadow or head scarfs or what ever else she sells. I swear, if she sold tampons she'd find a way to insert one in this innocent kid. There ought to be a law. I can't imagine how much this kid will be bullied next year in middle school. Having a gun should require training and a test. But having a child should require even more training and an even bigger test.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,402 When I walked into my 25th reunion, I was hoping for big smiles, and warm embraces. I got a few muted hellos. I won't be going to any more reunions. :(


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,401 My work place was so filled with internal politics. Ug. I tried to ignore it. Big mistake. I was trampled in all the infighting. I ended up being fired because I wasn't on the side that ultimately won. I was on no side but that didn't help me. What a bozo world. I was fired even though I was a such a hard working employee. Sure, karma kicked in and within a year the company went under. But it's a shame. We had a good product with some very good employees and all was lost. It had nothing to do with the product and our strong profitability. It had to do with people's egos. Life lesson in there. People are willing to destroy a good thing just to get their way.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,400 I've told a number of people about the abuses my parents did to me while growing up. I made it all up. The abuses never happened. I made up stories because I liked the attention. It sorta worked at the time. Friends were amazed at my pitiful upbringing. It ultimately backfired though. I was caught lying on more than one occasion. Eventually I started avoiding both family and friends out of embarrassment of my many lies. Careful young people. Getting attention in your 20s is not worth being alone later in life.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,399 I gave up marijuana for Lent. I really can’t wait till Easter


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,398 I smell like if you shit, pissed, and vomited in a bucket and left it for a week. That’s how bad I smell right now. Lol I promise I’ll shower today. Good thing I live alone and don’t work


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,397 I can't believe how much I missed you Cave!   Thank you for coming back!


likes: 7
comments: 0

201,396 I'm on my 4th day of fasting.  It feels so great! Only thing is I can see this can get addicting. I am a recovered bulimic/anorexic and am mildly concerned about a relapse. This does feel really good. Getting back to my old ways would be a nightmare.  I just really like being in control.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,395 Tonight I couldn't sleep. I went out to a 24 hour gas station to buy some junk food. I started talking the night attendant. He was nice. I think I'll go back and talk to him more tomorrow night. This is my sad life.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,394 I'm on my fifth can of cheap malt liquor and I'm wasted. Too bad I have to go to work tomorrow. I'll probably just call in sick. I fucking hate my job!


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,393 I'm plagued with self doubt. Everything I say and do I think about later and regret.


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,392 No way! You are back! Missed you!


likes: 7
comments: 5

201,391 Strangest police thing I've ever seen. Happened in my town. A woman backed up her car in a parking lot and hit another car. That other car was in a parking space and was unoccupied. The damage was a broken tail light. The errant driver waited a little bit to see if the owner of the damaged car showed up. No luck. So the errant driver left her business card on the windshield of the dented car apologizing for the broken light and asking if the owner could please give her a call and they can sort it out. She then left. All of this was in the afternoon.

At 11 PM that evening the police knocked on the door of of the errant driver. They arrested her for leaving the scene of an accident. While doing the arrest, they smelled alcohol on her breath, so they also filed drunk driving charges against her.

What?

1) It's not like she fled the scene. She left her contact information. 99% of people would have simply driven off.

2) How can they arrest her fro drunk driving? The accident was 8 hours earlier. There was no indication she was drunk at the time of the accident. She said she came home. She had dinner with her husband and watched a movie while drinking wine. How can you be arrested for drunk driving when you are drinking at home???

We've got some screwy laws.


likes: 3
comments: 4

201,390 I feel like each new boyfriend is one step lower on the ladder.


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,389 My secret is that i was scared Cavecanum got taken down! wasn't it down for a while?


likes: 4
comments: 9

201,388 This happened recently to a guy friend of mine. 20 years after high school he gets a message from the girl he dated in senior year. How interesting, no one is ever expecting a message from the distant past. Heightening the anxiety, the message read like the opening page to a mystery novel. The message explained that she had to tell him something, something she has kept secret all these years. My friend was like freaking out. I'll bet everyone's mind jumps to the same thing, that she got pregnant back then and maybe she had an abortion and he never knew, or maybe she had the child and my friend never realized he has been a father all these years. Like whatever she's had to tell him could change the trajectory of his life.

All nervous, he writes backs and asks what she wants to tell him. She writes back that she should tell him over the phone. Okay. That sounds bad. He sends his cell number.  She calls....

The big reveal..... she explains how she was sitting behind him for the math final and she looked at his paper and copied one of his answers.

Like lady, WTF is wrong with you? Why make this big drama out of something so inconsequential so many years later. Anyone with a brain would realize it was sounding like something much worse. I can only conclude she is a drama queen and he was lucky to never have contact with after high school.



likes: 0
comments: 3

201,387 In high school I was too shy to eat lunch in the cafeteria. I'd hide myself away in different nooks and crannies in the building and gobble down my sandwich, places like the janitors closet. It was very depressing especially for such an insecure person like me.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,386 Heart surgery sucks. There's that moment they put the mask on my face and I know I will pass out in just a few seconds and might never wake up. It's probably the scariest thing ever.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,385 I've been thinking about videoing myself. I want to know what I look like to other people.  Figure I'll film myself talking and walking around the house. No one else will be here. I think there is something wrong. I seem to anger some people just by existing. I'm not malicious or mean or obnoxious - at least I don't think I am. Yet some people at times have a strong negative reaction to me. I can't tell if it's something I'm doing or are there always a handful of nasty people out there who try to put everyone down? If it's me, maybe it will show up on the video.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,384 Differences of opinion are supposed to lead to discussion and debate, not insults and threats.


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,383 I still have dreams about high school.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,381 I was talking to my ex gf. We have stayed in touch all these years even though we are married to other people. In our last conversation she confided in me that she hasn't had sex with her husband in 7 years. On one level I spoke to her as a good friend. I asked questions and tried to help her get to the root of the problem. Basically he's 10 years older than her and it appears he no longer has interest in sex. But after the conversation I wondered if she wanted me to know for another reason. I think she might have been dangling that out there to see if I have an interest in having sex with her. Yes I do. I have to walk this one very carefully though.


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,380 As early as six years old my mother used to make me walk to the supermarket a mile away to buy milk. I think she wanted me to be kidnapped. No really. She never sent my older siblings. Only me.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,379 I've seen the whole cycle now and I think I'm done with all of it.


likes: 1

201,378 That massive library of animate GIFs facebook recently added as potential responses in their forums -  WTF? I think they were added as a site feature so people with no intellectual skills at all can post something and feel like they are sitting at the adult table.

Secret: I block anyone who posts an animated GIF.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,377 I live in an asexual suburb. I thought that everyone in the burbs would be bored and therefore open to a little wildness. But what I've found is that everyone takes their marriage seriously. A dead giveaway, there are no motels in my town. There is no place for people to cheat because there is no demand. What's wrong with these boring sods!



likes: 0
comments: 1

201,376 Why are people so unable to have a reasonable conversation online?

"Waa waa, you didn't agree with me so now I'm going to go all junior high school and call you names!"

Grow the fuck up assholes. I'm going to bet that if I dug into their backgrounds I'd find they are entirely unsuccessful whiny little pricks.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,375 Mike. I miss talking to you. I was very turned on by you and thought you felt the same. Then you disappeared and deleted your email... After years of talking on and off. It wasn't just being turned on by you... I liked you. I wish you would reach out to me. Wish I didn't feel that way but I do.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,374 Not political. Financial secret. I think if ever Trump stopped being president, sell stock in Twitter. I think Trump is single handedly keeping that company alive.


likes: 1
comments: 0
flagged

201,372 My father recently passed away. He and my mom had been divorced for maybe 33 years. I’m not yet 40 years old, dad didn’t take the greatest care of himself.

His death was sudden, upsetting and I being an only child have had to deal with the whole thing myself.

In my darkest hour in the hospital my mom came to “support me” one morning. When she got to the ICU she began screaming at the doctors and myself that my father being intubated and having a feeding tube is something he would never want. She began to scream at me that I was the only one who could stop all of it. It was horrible, she made quite a scene. I was mortified she was yelling at these doctors and nurses who had been supportive the whole time. I was able to cut her off and present her with a key to my dad’s apartment. I told her to find the Health Care Proxy proving everything she was screaming and then we would all have something concrete to work with.

After I got her out of there I apologized a bunch to the case worker and ICU team of doctors.

Now dad has passed away yesterday.

My mom and I were never close, she’s just a very mean person.

After the guilt, sleepless nights this past week and doubt she planted in my head when I needed a shoulder to cry on... this has changed our relationship for life. I’ll forgive her but I will never forget this.

From here on out, mom and I will talk weather on the phone for a couple minutes. She has lost the privilege to have access to anything substantial going on in my life.

I just can’t trust her.  I’ll love her always, but this cemented for me that she is never to be trusted. Never.

The good news is I have a lot of other supportive people in my life who I can be vulnerable with and trust with my heart. It’s so sad she can’t be one of them.

I pray she finds the compassion for herself, only then will she be able to express it to others.

(That nurse I complained about further down and I are good now. The ICU was having an insane night that night I called and she was just trying to take care of her patients, dad being one of them. I have since shaken her hand and thanked her for the amazing work she does).  Have you ever noticed how many superheroes work in the ICU?! They’re really amazing people in there.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,369 My husband's testicles are not symmetrical. One hangs lower. Are they supposed to be symmetrical?


likes: 1
comments: 8

201,368 i think ultimately i will worry myself to death.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,367 A woman was hit by a car. Scary. I feel bad for her. She got a few nasty bruises. Ouch. No one deserves that. But I feel even worse for her because when she lifted her dress to show the news camera her leg bruise, she accidentally showed all of us her undies.




likes: 0
comments: 1

201,366 I put my foot down and decreed my wife had to start cleaning up around here or I would toss everything out. She's so difficult. She lives to buy things. Useless things. So much junk gets stack up around the house. You need a broom? We have six brooms at last count. I'm afraid to count again. You want a coffee mug? We easily have 100. Along with that she never throws anything out. There is a two foot high sloppy pile of coupons on the dining room floor. It's been growing there for years. I'm sure 90% of the coupons expired a long time ago. But she keeps adding to the stack, you know, just in case we need 10% off on our next purchase of Mr. Bubble. Anyway, I told her it's the end. She has to get rid of this garbage. So what does she do? She goes out and buys a shredder. Have to admit I didn't see that coming, but I should have. One step forward (throwing stuff out), two steps back (now we own a shredder). And what is she shredding? The old coupons on the dining room floor. Could you imagine if she simply threw them in a trash bag? Those expired coupons could fall in the wrong hands. Maybe the Russians would get hold of them and attempt to buy Mr. Bubble at 10% off! O the horror. Good thing we now have an expensive shredder. The US supply of Mr. Bubble is safe!


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,365 Here is a clip of Beto giving a speech yesterday. If you watch the whole two minutes, you can see him awkwardly kind of dancing around on the stage. I know that dance. I think the man has to go peepee.

https://www.nbcnews.com/video/beto-o-rourke-speaks-against-border-wall-at-rally-1441041475687


likes: 0
comments: 0
flagged

201,364 I wouldn't want to be a jury member on the El Chapo trial.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,363 My new BDSM partner will not give me his limit list. Without it, no play. I told him. 3 times. He still has  not turned it in. Tells me our kinks are very similar, that I am a bit more hardcore than he is but still in the ball park. I wonder if he is a bit freaked out.
F/47


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,362 I hang out with my dad a lot. He's pretty much my best friend. We work together, and spend a majority of the week hanging out since we work together, so, we're pretty close.

That being said, when you spend that much time with anyone, let alone a parent, you start to get annoyed and bothered by some of their quirks and actions.

I have my hangs up, but not really. For the most part we're good. But there's one thing that bothers me to no end.

For example, let's say we go to grab lunch, and while we're in line or waiting we somehow end up talking to someone near by. He will ALWAYS make jokes about me. I can handle a ribbing, but he just shits all over me. Tells them when I was a kid I didn't leave my room for days, tells people I'm his "certified house watcher", refers to me as a drip.

Just a moment ago we were outside smoking a cigarette and this very attractive woman around my age walked up to us and started talking since she was smoking as well. At first it's going good, I'm flirting with her and she's kind of flirting back, we're all hanging out and just talking about random shit, when she brings up her kids, and how her son spends an absurd amount of time in his room.

"What do you think he's doing in there?" she says.

My dad: "Well, when I was busy starting my company this (points at me) little drip was the same way. You know how boys are, I'm surprised he didn't pull his little wiener off back then! Bwahahaha"

They both start cracking up, I feel belittled and fucking embarrassed beyond belief, so, I just drop my cigarette and walk back in the office without saying a word. While I'm walking inside I can hear him say "Whoops, I think I embarrassed him. Anyway, so how are..."

10 or 15 minutes later my dad walks back into the office and I go up to him and tell him how I'm sick of him doing stuff like that, that it makes me uncomfortable and embarrassed beyond belief, especially when it's towards a woman my own age.

"Oh grow up, don't be so sensitive. This should make you feel better though (shows me that he got her number on his phone) your old mans still got it!"

Wow. So not only did he completely embarrass me in front of someone I was clearly interested in, he rubs it in after the fact and then tells me to "grow up."

Yeah, I'm starting to see why I'm your only friend, Dad. It's because nobody can fucking stand you or your selfish bullshit.


likes: 0

201,361 I have chairs in my house I've never sat in. Why the fuck did I buy them? Living rooms are out dated. They aren't needed anymore. How often do you invite someone over and you sit together in the living room. If someone comes over we sit on the porch drinking beer. My next house is going to have no living room and a bigger porch.


likes: 3
comments: 3

201,360 I hate how special interest groups for the disabled demand ramps be put everywhere. The ramps are ugly. The don't blend in. They want a ramp on a 300 year old house which has been turned into a colonial museum. They don't care that a ramp destroys the original look and feel we are trying to preserve. You know what I think? I think you just want to complain. It's the way of the world these days. You look for a problem and then harp on it. Not really because you want to help the disabled. You just want to yell about something.


likes: 1
comments: 12

201,359 I cant ever get you off my mind.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,358 My wife has this less than charming weapon. If I argue with her, she'll wait until our children (ages 12 and 17) are present and then launch a tirade to the effect of, "You want to yell at me now. But you weren't yelling at me last night when we were having sex. You had no problem spreading my legs and sticking your cock in my pussy. You had no problem leaning me over and fucking me in the ass. But today you want to yell at me."

I immediately leave the room and the argument is over. She wins every time.

I need to get away from her. Our children do too. Soon.



likes: 0
comments: 7

201,357 You are looking for a canine chiropractor who does acupuncture?

Americans make me so sad. You used to be the best. I dreamed my whole life about coming here. Anything was possible in America for a poor immigrant like me. Now that I'm here I see you are a bunch of nut jobs.


likes: 3
comments: 9

201,356 From my experience, girls high school basketball teams are filled with lesbians.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,355 I had a fight with my wife yesterday. It was because she lied about something. Interesting to see how the fight progressed. She lied and there is no disputing this fact. So of course her first line of defense was to say she didn't lie. I then pointed out that not only did she tell me the lie to my face, she also sent me an email with the lie. Poof, there goes her defense. So her next approach was to say I'm bipolar. She says I'm nice to her sometimes, but get mad at her other times. This she says, is evidence of me being bipolar. I asked if it might have anything to do with her not lying some days, and then lying on other days. She said no, I'm bipolar. She went on to say I should apologize for pointing out her lies.

Ah, alright, she lies and I should apologize for noticing.

This is why I hate women.


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,354 I always knock on the fridge door before I open it, just in case there is a salad dressing.


likes: 14
comments: 7

201,353 Every night, late at night, I go on the Facebook forums and stir the mud. Every morning I get up and check how many responses I get. I like to see double digits, 10 responses or more. People love to get mad at me. I start these fires and people jump in to tell me what an ass I am. I love the attention. I love making them mad.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,352 I have a friend who fell from greatness. He used to make a bundle in his job. He was a stock trader. The market crashed in 2007. He was invested in leveraged positions. He owed more than his equity. He was forced to sell his house and his cars. Now he has nothing but $600 a month in a pension. He lives with his sister. He sleeps on her couch. He rides the bus to get anywhere. Most importantly he seems broken. I talk to him and he is skittish and nervous. As a trader he was bold. Not anymore. They took his nerve away from him too. It's sad to watch his slow demise.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,351 I am too needy on my partner and don't know how not to be. I feel like I'm always looking for validation from partners. I want to be sure that they actually love me and they won't leave me. I am a confident person, but I can never fully trust anybody. I'm always sure they're going to run away with the next best thing that comes along.

It ruins every relationship I've ever had. They can't stand my lack of faith, my insecurities in the relationship, and my codependency. I don't know how to fix it.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,350 I haven’t been to a dentist since 2004. Two of my wisdom teeth have come in completely. But they came in straight and I brush everyday, so I see no reason to go. I may never see a dentist again.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,349 Looking at what is going on in New York City -one realizes why people voted for Trump. America is going o the dogs! NY under de Blasio and Cuomo  is getting more like a third world country every day . A sanctuary city that is bankrupt and run by idiots voted in because of the ethnicity and not competence.Subway does not work -even if  its budget is what some countries survive on! Homeless all over the place all with cellphones Money wasted on poles where the homeless can charge their cellphones- they used it to watch porn - until it was blocked! The rich are leaving in droves as they are taxed beyond believe -but they are the problem according to the liberals .Keep going this way and see America disappear. Most big cities in this country is bankrupt run by Democrats who has no idea what they are doing. Corruption all over and tax payers put up with this.We are the idiots!


likes: 2
comments: 12
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201,348 There's a story in the news today. Richard Gere is a new father. Here is the headline blurb. It says he's 70. He's not 70. He's 69. But it's much more dramatic to say he's 70, so that's what the media does. They change the facts to make it more interesting. Perfect example of how the media distorts.




likes: 1
comments: 8
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201,347 I'm not kidding. In this town where I live the weekly newspaper is two pages long. The lead story last week was a woman got a seven letter word in the scrabble tournament at the library.

MEANDER

Doesn't get any more exciting than that around here.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,346 If women really want to be equal and not thought of as a sex object, they should stop wearing a bra. But if you wear a bra, it says you are vain and overly concerned with your looks. You are choosing to look like a man wants you to look.


likes: 0
comments: 19

201,345 I thought not smoking weed anymore would save me money, but then I just started smoking more cigarettes.

So I quit smoking cigarettes to save money, but then I started drinking more.

So, I quit drinking to save money. That should be the end, right?

WRONG, BOOM, PAY YOUR RENT. BOOM, BUY GAS. BOOM, PAY YOUR BILLS. Oh what’s that? You have some money saved up? That’s so great, I hope nothing hap-BOOM, PENDING CHARGES!

Then it’s back to smoking roaches and refries to mellow out and come next month the cycle continues.

I don’t thrive when I’m stable. I need those jarring events to keep me awake and focused. But holy shit, I just need some breathing room to sort this out before I go insane and d-BOOM, YOUR TIRE POPPED.

…ugh…


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,344 I bought a table from a a guy who billed himself as a furniture maker. Within a month a large crack developed. He refused to do anything about it or give me a refund. People suck. I bought local, I got screwed. Never again.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,343 I've been in the banking industry since 1996.  I have thousands of social security numbers, personal information and everything else. I could be a millionaire selling what I have but I don't.   I have integrity and a conscience.  



likes: 3
comments: 4

201,342 My apartment is across the street from a very old movie theater. It probably had it's heyday back in the 1930's. Now it is pretty beaten up with weathered carpets and torn seats. They only show old flicks in black and white. Working from home, I stare out at this old theater all day. It's rare to see anyone go in. I like old movies so I've been in there a few times. But I'm usually the only one in the audience. I've wondered how they stay in business.

What's the secret?

There was recently a story in the newspaper saying this old theater sold over 200,000 tickets last year. That has to be totally false. That would be about 500 tickets a day. No freaking way. They are not even open at night. They only have two showings a day. By their math they would be selling 250 tickets for each showing, meaning they basically sold out for every show. Crazy wrong number. I'd say they sell two or three tickets a day, not 500.

I think something is going on. A nice old lady owns the theater. She tells me her son is banker. I think someone is laundering money through the theater. My theory, the theater declares they sell 200,000 tickets. Each ticket is $10. The theater deposits $2 million into the bank. They pay taxes. They probably end up with $1.5 million. A half million $ loss. But more importantly dirty money just became clean money. That's my theory.




likes: 2
comments: 5

201,341 I'm not trying to be mean, but over the years as I've been observing other people, I've never once met a parent that I envied. When I hear people talking about their kids, I always think how lucky I'm for having dodged that bullet.


likes: 8
comments: 4

201,340 Sometimes, when I've had a particularly awful day, I purposely watch sad videos on the internet until I can't stop crying. I don't know why this helps.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,339 I live in a small town. The mayor's dog ran off while being walked. Town employees were dispatched to go find the mutt. I'm glad the dog was found. But come on, if my dog ran off would the town send paid staff to go find him? This is corruption. The mayor should not be using the town's resources to help his own situation.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,338 I sleep in the basement storage room. No room upstairs for me.


likes: 1
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201,337 With me, to triangulate a conflict is to be cut out of my life forever.  Recently, a man I considered date material overreacted to a silly disagreement with someone and spoke to another friend, to get support for his side, two against one.  His attraction for me instantly faded.

My ex-boyfriend used to do that -- whenever he had some beef with me, he'd enlist someone else as his ally against me, usually a friend or his mother.  This was always before I had any idea there was a problem, and then I'd have to contend with him AND his friend, or him AND his mother.  Or I'd point out that we had a problem, and he'd go hide behind his mother and make her plead his case for him.

If you need to hide behind other people in a conflict, I don't want your cowardly ass around me.  Triangulate a situation with me, and you've already lost. Forever.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,336 Why do you always need to have the television on and blaring?  Other people live here! Selfish!


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,335 A weatherman is not a real scientist. He is a talking head who tells us it's going to rain tomorrow - when he is not talking about the groundhog's shadow. The weatherman saying global warming is real is like the clerk at 7-11 saying global warming is real.


likes: 0
comments: 6
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201,334 Married feller 43
I lust after a thicck nerdy chemist at work.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,333 I got myself a cell phone a few months ago. It is for health reasons in case I have a medical emergency again. Today it rang. This is the first time someone called me. Woo hoo! But it was a wrong number. I have to laugh. I don't mind being so alone in life, but how funny to finally get a phone call and it was a wrong number.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,332 I don't know how much longer I can work in property management. Today has just about broken me. Domestic violence, drug abuse, child endangerment... I'm in the back office about to cry over this stuff. My residents are either amazing or horrible. It doesn't seem like there's anything in between.

I was recently head hunted for an HR position at a competitor. Work from home, regular schedule, better pay... I'm pretty sure I'm going to apply. Can't stay on site forever. Burnout is real.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,331 I hate when someone talks about a man's testicles. Can't we have a little class and say "I wish you were braver" instead of saying "Grow some b*lls."


likes: 6
comments: 1

201,330 I have no problem getting laid, however I'm having a SERIOUS problem finding someone that I'm sexually compatible with. WTF 44/M


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comments: 5

201,328 My wife does shit around here. She never cleans. It's embarrassing how cluttered the house is. I clean. I do the dishes. I vacuum. I scrub the bathrooms weekly. But my wife has hoarding tendencies where she stacks things up everywhere. There are piles of her clothing on chairs. There are mounds of junk mail, church bulletins, fashion mags on tables. Christmas ornaments are in worn down boxes up against the walls 12 months of the year. I have to walk certain paths through rooms to get anywhere.

To make it worse, if ever I bring up the idea that she hoards, she blows up and tells me it's my fault. "Well if you weren't so cheap and bought us a bigger house...." The house is plenty big with a basement and attic.

She had a new approach last night. I came into the bedroom in the dark. I couldn't see the designated pathway. I stubbed my toe on a stack of wicker basket filled with picnic supplies. (What, you don't keep your picnic supplies in the bedroom??)

I cried out in pain and pleading told her for the 1000th time she needs to do something about this. So you know what she does? She turns on the bedroom light and starts moving the paper plates to a different cardboard box. This is her solution, to tackle her hoarding problem in the middle of the night when I'd like to go to sleep. Not that moving the paper plates does anything at all. She's moving them three feet away. They are still an issue of course. But in her mind she is solving the problem. It's like a mental illness with her, sprinkled with a hefty dose of passive aggressiveness in that she enjoyed turning on the light in the middle of the night so I couldn't sleep. I never signed up for this.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,327 If I was a hitman, I'd take out people in a new more efficient way. It must be hard stalking the target. You have to follow them around and find a place that is very private to off them. Could be hard and iffy in a world filled with cameras.

So you know how you see in the news sometimes where a wife hires a hitman who turned out to be undercover FBI agent. The agent contacts the husband and explains. They arrange to have the husband lie down. They put a little ketchup on his head. They snap a photo and then show the wife. She then fake grieves, which make for very entertaining television.

So if I was a hitman, after the wife hires me, my plan would be to call the husband. I'd tell him I was FBI and his wife hired me. I'd tell him we need to do a fake photo of him lying dead in a field. We'd meet up in an isolated place. I'd show him a badge. I'd ask him to lie down. Then I'd shoot him for real. No fuss that way. No hassle. Much more efficient way to take out the victim.

I'd be a great criminal!


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,326 Living on a thin line... tell me now what are we supposed to do...


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,325 Allowing feedback has bastardized cavecanum. It’s now just  another social media site on the dopamine feedback loop model. The entire idea (which was revolutionary) was to drop your baggage and move on. Now, you drop your baggage and page refresh until you get up votes. Please change, this, CC. This place exists because where the fuck else could you dump your problems with no apparent judgment. Now it’s facebook light...


likes: 5
comments: 10

201,324 I love smoking marijuana. If I didn't have a job I would smoke pot 24/7. But I don't because I've got bills to pay. Fuck!


likes: 4
comments: 3

201,323 I realize I never brushed my teeth today. When I got up in the morning, someone was in the bathroom. Thought I'd come back later to brush, but forgot. Whoops.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,322 I can't like dogs. They eat their own poop. Even worse, they will eat the poop of another dog. No way I want a dog in my house.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,321 Why is it okay to body shame Sarah Sanders?


likes: 0
comments: 19

201,320 I'd be fine with never seeing my husband again.


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comments: 8

201,319 I reconnected with a buddy from high school. Power of the internet. Back in the day we used to go to his house after school. His mom worked and was never home. We'd blast Queen on his stereo and suck each other off. We are both married to women now. Things change.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,318 Since I was little, once every few months, I've been hearing high pitched chatter in my ears. For the first 20 years I didn't know what it was. But eventually technology caught up to me and I realized it was the static screeching sound of a modem connecting. Why was I hearing hearing a modem in my ear 20 years before it was invented? Why do I still hear it?


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,317 I briefly dated a woman who gave me venereal warts. She was a writer at a well known magazine. Every so often she would be a guest on one of the morning talk shows. This went on for years after she had infected me. The TV audience was probably looking at her thinking how smart and chic she was. I was watching thinking about how trashy she was.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,316 Technically, I only agreed to get married for 10 years. Then I said I wanted the option not to be married anymore. I was a options trader. I did it as a joke. I actually have this engraved inside my wedding ring. I have the date of the wedding and then an expiration date. It was funny at the time. But now I wonder if I could make it hold up in court and get myself out of this disaster.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,315 My husband just stormed out of the house after we argued. I hope he doesn’t come back.


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comments: 2

201,313 So we last week we got an invite to my mother-in-law’s some-landmark-number birthday party.  She’s throwing a giant barbecue in her giant backyard for her giant crowd of family and church friends.

Of course, within days the phone calls started, all of which I let go to voicemail.  I already know the in-laws only call me when they want something, and they're shameless about it.

Party Thrower Sister-in-Law: Honey, we could really use your help at the party!  I know you tended bar in grad school, so we know you could run the bar at Mother’s party!  My husband even has a little bow tie you could borrow!  Have a blessed day! Call me!



Other Sister-in-Law: Hi honey!  We’re all looking forward to seeing you at the party!  Over 70 people have RSVPed so far!  We’re going to have about 5 or more big buffet tables, and we really going to need all the girls to pitch in, because at Mother’s last party we were all running around the whole time, and many hands make light work!  Have a blessed day!  Call me!



Cousin-in-Law:  Hi honey!  Regarding Auntie’s party, I’m really looking forward to your help with the children!  You know how much they look up to you!  Have a blessed day!  Call me!



Same thing happened 10 years ago, and 5 years ago.  Of course it’s always the youngish females who have to do all the work, and given that my mobility isn’t impaired by any sort of obesity-related health problem like many of the others, the majority of it will fall to me.  I don’t have kids or fallen arches or a bad knee, so I have no excuse.  Though I have no clue as to how I’m supposed to tend bar, mind the buffet, and babysit at the same time.

Goddamn but they’ve all got some nerve.  They’ve all got inherited money (which they love twitting me about) and could afford to hire babysitters and waitstaff.  But no, why pay someone when they’ve got the low-rent no-kids sister-in-law to be their all-purpose prison bitch.  (They think.) Oh, did I mention the hubs and I would have to buy plane tickets and pay for a hotel room to go to this thing?

Let’s see, what excuse am I going to come up with THIS time.  

10 years ago I was deathly ill with something highly contagious, I forget what. 5 years ago I had just started a new job with weekend hours (which was even sort of true.)  This year… I think my IT band tendinitis is going to flare up, so I’ll hardly be able to walk, let alone help out with anything.  Oh no, I’d love to help but I can’t take a step without it hurting, I’m really going to need someone to push my wheelchair and bring me things and help me on and off the toilet.  So sorry to be a bother!



Actually I haven’t had a tendinitis flare-up in 3 or 4 years, but they don’t need to know that.  The last time I had one, it lasted about 3 weeks.  I think this one will take about 7 weeks, and will miraculously clear up the day after the party.  Must remember not to post any check-ins at the tennis club between then and now, because that would be awkward.

Don’t tell them this, but I’m never ever going to one of these overblown parties of theirs.

SO sorry, girls!  Have a blessed day!


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,312 I quit my job in one company to be more of a manager in a competitor's company. It didn't work out. I wish I had never left the first company. Know your limits.


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201,311 I'm unnecessary.


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201,310 My husband clips his toe nails and leaves the debris on the coffee table. Moan.


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comments: 4

201,309 There was a reunion of a bunch of us who worked together 20 years years ago. I didnt go. I was told everyone there was asking about me.

There was a 30 year reunion of my high school. I didnt go. But I was told everyone there was asking about me.

I dont go to these things because I assumed no one liked me or even remembered me. Maybe Im wrong. Maybe Ive twisted my memories. Next time I think I will go.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,308 My wife. What a piece of work. She's not only difficult. She goes out of her way to do menacing things. I'll arrange reservations for dinner. As we are about to leave she'll insist on going someplace else. Like couldn't she just go with it? No, she has to make it her own. She can never do what someone else wants. Then add to that the menacing crap. I took a movie out of the library. That evening I went to watch it. I couldn't find it anywhere. I looked for 10 minutes thinking did I leave it in the car? The kitchen? Did I drop it on the grass on the way into the house? Then I remembered who I'm married too. If she was going to hide it, where would she put it? She's menacing, but lazy. She would put it in the cabinet next to the TV. She'd put it in the bottom drawer at the back. Sure enough that's exactly where it was. Some women deserve to be divorced. Hers is coming soon.


likes: 4
comments: 0

201,307 My wife wants her father to come live with us. I'm not sure this is a good idea. I've known a few old people. After a while they all poop in their pants. I'm not going to deal with that very well.


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,306 I fucked my sister.


likes: 1
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201,305 I can’t remember the last time my husband had an original thought. Literally every response or conversation starter is something from a comedy routine or Reddit. I never know the reference, so then he feels the need to back up and put the whole thing in context. By then, the reference isn’t funny and I’ve had 10 minutes of my time wasted listening to it. When this happens about 15 times a day, those 10 minutes start to add up. Either just say “Never mind, you don’t get it” so we can move on, or, even better, don’t start speaking in the first place if it’s not your own thought.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,304 What is wrong with me?  Or what is wrong with women? Why can't I be friendly to females without half of them thinking I want to fuck them?  

It's not all women, but I was thinking about this today, and it's been at least five women I've known who I thought I were friends with who for some reason believed that the act of me being nice to them somehow meant I wanted to fuck them.  And it simply wasn't the case.  And I know it's not my fault because there were many more who had no problems with me chatting with them.

But what the fuck, man?  What kind of woman is so desperate to believe that they're desired that they flame a guy simply for thinking they're friends?  

But now that I think about it, they were all between the ages of 18 and 22.  Spoiled idiots.



likes: 2
comments: 4

201,303 My daughter's teacher got snarky with me during a school conversation and she scornfully pointed out I'm a republican. I didn't bait her or anything. I wasn't getting testy with her. I was discussing a school issue when she made her comment in a very public way in front of many other parents. Like whoa there lady. As a teacher I don't think she should be slighting a parent for angry political reasons. But what's more, I'm not a republican. I'm not registered in any party. She worries me. She seems to have a short fuse. She got spiteful and has her facts wrong. I'm not sure she should be around school children.


likes: 2
comments: 1
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201,302 When I drive by a new house where they are planting bushes, I have considered the idea of going back at night and stealing some of the plants. That shit is expensive. If newly planted they'd probably pull right out of the ground.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,301 “I have so much to do. I’m so far behind things.” - my husband right before he sits down to play four hours of video games and I once again have put off all my plans to keep the kids entertained so he can get all these “things” done. Next on the agenda: listening to him complain for the rest of the day about he didn’t get to anything on his list. This is my life. Why do I bother thinking he’ll get his shit together and actually show follow through on something someday.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,300 I received a scam email saying they have video of me jerking off  while watching porn on my computer. They will show everyone I know unless I send them money. They say they got the video from hacking into my PC's camera.

I'd like to see the video myself because firstly, I'm a girl. Kind of hard to jerk off without a penis. And secondly, my PC doesn't have a camera.

I hate how sinister types have destroyed the internet. It could be such a tool for good if it weren't for scummy human nature coming along and twisting it into a haven for evil.


likes: 2
comments: 6

201,299 Every once in a while, we get a notice in the mail that the credit limit on one of our cards is increased.  This is great, because then the reporting bureaus see that we aren't using as much credit as we have.  My secret is that I throw these notices away so that my husband doesn't know.

Unfortunately, he eventually figures it out when he goes online to pay the bill and sees there's more credit.  And as anticipated, he charges more.  I have to get out of this marriage.  We make 135K combined yet we live paycheck to paycheck trying to cover his charges.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,298 I dated a woman freshman year of college almost 35 yrs ago, her room number was 1812, she made me remember it by the war of 1812( she was a history major). I can't remember the girls name, we only dated a month or so but whenever I hear about the war of 1812 I think of her.
It worked!


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,296 There are naked selfies of some billionaire guy? Why do men do this? Why do they take pictures of their weewees and send them to women? I don't know of any woman who wants to see a picture of a guy's weewee.


likes: 0
comments: 14

201,295 I know a guy who I think is capable of murder. He acts white collar. But I see it. He is going to kill someone one day.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,294 My wife watches shows on PBS, not because they are good, not because they interest her, but because other women she knows watch the shows and my wife wants to be just like them. She always falls asleep while watching.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,293 My crotch muscles cramp up when I cum. Right after I shoot, like blue balls only... backward?


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,292 My husband cannot understand that you cannot type a URL into the google search field and expect the website to pop up. You have to put the URL in the top of the browser.
He doesn’t listen, I’m a nag. I nag for a reason because he went to renew the cars registration, GOOGLED the URL, and went to the first result. Dmv.org isn’t the dmv. So he winds up paying for a fake registration renewal from a website that isn’t the dmv. Three months later he’s pulled over, gets a ticket, and I discover his mistake when I search his email history. OMG this guy is why we are fucking broke all the time.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,290 My parents moved my grandfather in with them a few years ago because he wasn’t able to live independently anymore. In my mom’s childhood, he was abusive to my grandma and to her. He is shitty to my sister and me as well. He was even shitty to my grandma’s mother, who I loved dearly and was a beautiful human being. Four generations of women in my family have been mistreated by him. He was a brutal man. He can’t beat her anymore, but he can still say shitty, condescending things to her even though she takes very good care of him, and he should be fucking grateful my mother is not the type to put her parents in nursing homes and forget about them. That’s what he deserves for all the pain and psychological damage his sorry existence has inflicted throughout his life.

I will not say this to anyone, so I’ll say it here instead...I hate him. I hate the way he treats my mom, my sister, and me. I hate that he treats me like an afterthought but dotes on my brother. I hate that I never got to have a grandfather who loved me and cared about me. I hate the way he doesn’t appreciate all my mom does for him even though he doesn’t deserve it. I hate the way he orders her around and is so fucking needy all the time. I hate that my sweet grandmother died at a young age, but he still lives. It should have been the other way around. I hate him. I hate him.

It felt good to say this and get it off my chest. I try to push it out of my mind, but every so often I’m reminded of it and get so angry...


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,289 i am constantly reminded that I am not blood to my son.  i fucking hate his mother.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,288 I saw the word 'apoplectic' in something I was reading. I didn't know what it meant. I looked it up online. Here's how the dictionary defines it.

apoplectic (ăpˌə-plĕkˈtĭk)►

    adj.
    Of, resembling, or produced by apoplexy: an apoplectic fit.
    adj.
    Having or inclined to have apoplexy.
    adj.
    Exhibiting symptoms associated with apoplexy.

Well that clears it up..... not.

Sometimes I think those smarty pants egghead intellectuals who write the dictionary just don't get it. They might be making me apoplectic... but I'm not sure because I still can't tell what the word means.



likes: 2
comments: 6

201,287 My wife takes endless selfies. I'm not sure why she takes so many. I find dozens of them on her phone. She's not sending them to me. Is she sending them to someone else? Or is this just one of those things women do - taking endless selfies for their eyes only?


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,286 It's funny how my best friend used me spraining my foot as an excuse to cancel her plans to "take care of me." Meanwhile all she's done is spend all day in bed with her ex and laugh at how hard it is for me to get around without crutches. Thanks for nothing.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,285 I could write a book titled "Sex With My Husband and Other Felonies."


likes: 2
comments: 1

201,284 Sure, we were pretty serious in college but we never consummated.

So when she married some other guy, I was not excluded as all her old BFs were. Being local and all, we’ve kept in touch plenty for 35+ years.

A few months ago I mentioned something noteworthy near her residential street, and she kept harping on “Why were you in my neighborhood?”. Not that I wanted to be distracted from the point I was making, and besides, - it’s none of her business.

So about a month after that, she mentions to me that the two other parties she’s recounted the ‘story’ to, agree that I could be a stalker, and she could get a protective order.

I go livid over this, and realize there can be no more casual conver with this gal. I don’t need a ‘trusted life-long’ spreading rumors that I’m a stalker.

If she wants to be a #MeToo’er, then she’ll have to find someone else for that, - other than her newest ex-friend.



likes: 1
comments: 4

201,283 I'm pretty thin. Always have been. It's been a struggle though. On a daily basis sure, I'd like a piece of chocolate cake. But I deny myself the pleasure. Healthful eating comes first, food pleasure is much further down the list.

I'm formulating a plan though. I think when I hit 60 (in 2 more years) I'm going to eat all the chocolate cake I want. I'll get a good 10 years of pigging out and making up for lost time. I'll gain weight, but who cares. I'll be old. I am going to die anyway somewhere around that age. Might as well go out licking my lips! :)


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,282 Story out today where Walmart has been locking up hair care products for black women. Obviously the products were being stolen off the shelves.

There is outrage. Reeks of prejudice. But what should Walmart be doing?

Should they not lock up the products and allow themselves to be robbed?

Or should they lock up hair care for white woman too - even though those products are not being stolen? Would this be more fair, even though illogical?

Someone tell me, what should Walmart do in this case?

(A secret because let's face it, you can't entertain a conversation like this at the office or most any other public place.)


likes: 2
comments: 6

201,281 I live in a small town, so I'm too scared to go on facebook, or read the news. Because I am not supposed to see anything about a certain thing, accidentally. And I am going friggin' nuts bored! So cut off from the world. D:          ):      


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,280 A woman in my town was at the playground with her child. A man showed up. He started mumbling to himself about a woman leaving him, while pounding on the ground with a hammer.

What does the woman do? She posts this to the town facebook page.

No you silly loon, call 911 !!!!!

How twisted that her first thought is to post it so people will comment and give her lots of likes for putting up something so interesting.

Yes, it's interesting. But first and foremost it's a dangerous situation and you need to get the police involved asap.

We are losing sight of things. People, the goal in our society isn't to get as many likes as possible on facebook. The goal is to be a good and helpful human being. We count on each other to keep all of us safe.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,279 More and more I do this thing which scares me.

I'll be typing a sentence. As an example I'll want to type:

I will see you next Thursday at the restaurant.

But it's very odd. When I reread what I typed, it says:

I will serene you november Thirty at the restroom.

It looks like the auto-correct feature kicking in. But I'm on Microsort Word. There is no auto-correct feature. I actually type the wrong words myself.

It's like my brain is getting the wires crossed. I meant to type the word "next". But my brain looked it up in my internal database and came out with a different n word, "november".

I keep doing this. I generally get the first letter or two right, but then the rest of the word is wrong. I end up checking and double checking everything I write so I don't embarrass myself too badly. Still some errors get through.

Alzheimers?  


likes: 0
comments: 10

201,278 My wife lies. This is an endlessly repeating theme in my marriage. I've tried to address it with her but it never gets better. I'm thinking the marriage should be over because I can't live this way anymore.

This latest incident troubles me on a few levels. We were having financial difficulties. I don't make a ton of money. She was spending a ton even though I asked her not to. She spend all my savings and then created $20,000 in debt on the credit card. I had to work overtime as well as sell off some possessions to pay off her debt.

I got it under control. I felt I had responsibly dealt with the situation. I thought she had learned her lesson. But shortly after the one bullet was dodged she told me she was getting her passport renewed so she could go on a trip abroad. I explained we have no money for her to take a trip. She said she'd charge it. I told her not to do it. She still made an appointment to get her passport photo taken. I said no. I said if she gets her passport, we are done. The marriage will be over. She finally relented and agreed she wouldn't get the passport and wouldn't go on the trip. This was a few weeks ago.

Guess what arrived in the mail today? Her passport.

I have nothing left to say to her. The entire marriage has been about her doing things for herself, and then lying about it. I don't want to be in this situation anymore. I don't want to be lied to. I don't want to pay off debt I didn't create. I don't want to feel like I'm being screwed by her every day of my life.

How bad is divorce? Will I be put in a situation where half my paycheck goes to her while she sits back and relaxes between her shopping sprees? We have two children. One is in college. The other in middle school. Am I going to be forced into the role of "every other weekend father" while living in a hovel myself to pay for all their expenses? I don't want that. I don't deserve that. I have been a good person and a good father and a good husband and it seems like divorce means I take it on the chin while they keep living the lifestyle of their choice. Frankly, I'd rather be dead.


likes: 0
comments: 15

201,277 I don't know my phone number. It shows up on other people's screens when I call. I never have to give it to them. But when I had to fill out a form the other day and it asked for my phone number, I realized I don't know it.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,276 Went out on a 3rd date last night. We are both in our late 40’s It was an early dinner and then to the local college hockey game.

At dinner we were having a nice conversation getting along well when I commented. “So, it’s our third date tonight” An immediate reaction that took me back. She was looking away and twisted her head to me with this exceptionally serious narrow eyed look and snarled at me, “and what you think you’re getting”    I replied “I was just commenting on that fact we are getting along well, is all” Then she goes “oh”

Wow, not the reaction I expected.  10-12 seconds only, but I  got the message of what she will be like.  After the game took her home.  Not thinking I will call again.



likes: 1
comments: 23

201,273 The more that I think about and begin to understand how open relationships and polyamory actually work, I start to see that most of the common relationship issues that people become unhappy about are based in jealousy and a need to own and control others. I respect that some people are happy with monogamy and want that and strive to protect it, and many monogamous couples do not (or try not to) control one another, but it's so difficult for me to understand why they get upset about the things they do sometimes. It's like you're not allowed to be your own person anymore. I don't like it.


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,272 You’re an overnight nurse in the ICU in Norwalk, you’re a total cunt. My father is dying you huffy bitch.

Learn to speak to people with empathy and compassion.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,271 There was a restaurant my wife and I loved. I got a call they needed a window replaced in their kitchen. It's what I used to do. I went and took care of it. After what i saw I could never eat there again. If you like a restaurant, never look in their kitchen.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,269 It was the first dream where she said "no" to me.  Wow, I can't even get her in my dreams anymore!


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,268 Penny, when you say your employees "don't want to work", you keep forgetting to add the words "with me".


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,266 Facebook has so many bugs. Why don't they fix them? I'm really curious what goes on day to day at that company.


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comments: 3
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201,265 My mother is vehemently anti-abortion in all cases. Like, if the lives of the mother and baby are at risk, she thinks the gamble needs to be taken and if they both die, then tough shit, they both die. If it's rape or incest, she still thinks women or girls should be forced to have  the baby and "they can give it away." We don't talk about this topic much because it's not worth the fight and we're not going to change each other's minds. But the last time we did talk about it, I asked why she takes such a hard line stance. The answer was short: "I just do."

My mother is the kind of person who acts like she's done everything in life perfect and will never cop to making a mistake, although she loves to point out others' mistakes without hesitation. It makes me wonder if there's some secret in her past about this that has led to such an aggressive stance and the apparent glee she gets in reveling in others' missteps.


likes: 1
comments: 13

201,264 What's wrong with the parents of disabled children? They are the angriest nastiest bunch of complainers. Their attitude makes me want to never help them. A kind hearted group is setting up a picnic adventure in the park for the disabled. It sounds like good fun. But some of the parents, my god, in as a negative of a tone as possible, they are already complaining about the event. They demand to know what food is being served. Their child doesn't like potato salad, only macaroni salad. "There better be macaroni salad offered!" Seriously? It's a free picnic. it's meant to be filled with joy? Why nit pick it to death? If I was the organizer, I'd tell you all to go fuck yourselves and cancel the picnic.


likes: 1
comments: 10
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201,263 Maybe the next time you want to act like a total cunt muscle towards me in public, you need to remember you have your job because you were elected to it. You aren't qualified for it, you aren't special, you don't know something the rest of us don't. You have that job because you have a certain letter next to your name on the ballot and a bunch of dumbasses who live near you like people who have that letter next to their names. Do you like the job you have? Because I'd watch it if you want to keep it.


likes: 2

201,262 Just saw a story on Yahoo - Yahoo being the bible for young millennials. The story mentions the idea of drinking your own urine, you know, for health purposes.

Millennials, this is a great idea! Go for it! You guys are brilliant. Why didn't my generation think of this?  Yep, you outsmarted the rest of us. Drink up!




likes: 0
comments: 14

201,261 I would love to hear from you and pick up right where we left off. Being pursued by others only makes me miss you more.  Only I don’t know, I was getting too attached too soon with you. It was not good, it was out of my hands, there was no emergency brake on my feelings.

In a way, she solved everything and yet, why can’t you just take a hike right out of my subconscious and just keep on keeping on?

Maybe I’ve been thinking of you because of a conversation we had over the summer? Maybe it’s because the topic is more pressing for me now? Maybe it’s because you were so open with me then. It was so easy, it was so light and easy. You said so much to me that day. You showed me your cards and I ended up seriously dropping the ball. I’m sure, as smart as you are, at this point you know it was my stuff.

At any rate, I hope you are happy, well loved and at peace in your heart. I only wish you the best my friend.



likes: 3
comments: 1

201,260 I am not trying to be mean, but in 2019 I find it surprising  that so many people believe in a “god”.


likes: 5
comments: 15

201,259 I play online poker. My wife doesn’t know about it. I can’t tell her. Im pretty good too. Or so I think. I can run up a big profit pretty quickly. 25 into 165 in a few afternoons of playing.10/.25 blinds. My problem is that every fucking time I run it up I go on tilt and blast ot all off in a few minutes. Tilt is a real thing in poker. I see that 165 and start getting stars in my eyes, like I deserve it. Then get bad beat a few times, my bankroll gets down to 105 and i get pissed. I should take a break at that time and walk away. That’s entirely common to happen in poker. I think the guys who are good poker players have good control over their tilt and make money off people like me. Gotta control the tilt and could make a little money.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,257 I have done everything I can to be supportive and welcoming. YOU are the foreign invader. You arrived, took my job, my boyfriend, and got pregnant, then immediately started downing a 5th every night to kill that poor baby because of your fear. Because of your fear you are now teying to dictate my relationships. YOU WILL NOT! He and I were friends before and after we were lovers. Before you were lovers. We'll be friends when your poisonous ass has returned to that hell from which you arrived. My anger and patience know no bounds. Everything I have said you is real and true. Mark my words, honey, I will put an arrow through your eye whilst you lie to my face. But until the momeny is right, I shall bide my time.




likes: 1
comments: 0

201,256 How does this work? Bohemian Rhapsody was nominated as Best Picture. But then then it came out that the director was accused of being a perv. Therefore the nomination was pulled and it is no longer a good movie?

Why would the movie no longer be good just because one of the people working on the film is a jerk?


likes: 0
comments: 8

201,255 My wife would turn her phone off at times so I couldn't track her. This pissed me off so much that I pressed a button on the find-my-phone phone app that erased everything from her phone. If she wouldn't let me know where she was, then she doesn't get to use her phone. She was off the charts upset her phone was blank. All her contacts and all her photos were gone. She blames Apple. She has no idea I did it on purpose.


likes: 1
comments: 25

201,254 When I was little I heard snippets of stories about my uncle. Every year he'd host a pig roast party at his house. Hundreds of people would come.

This is how he met his first wife. She was a guest at the party. She was impressed. So she married my uncle.

Eventually she realized she didn't like roast pork, so they got divorced.

It was then he met his second wife. She was also a guest at one of his parties. They got married and were still going strong. Obviously she continued to like roast pork.

As a kid I always ate all the meat on my plate because I didn't want to get divorced when I was older.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,253 Fresh made mac and cheese must be eaten in it's pure state.

But by the next day, when the leftovers are reheated, it must be eaten with ketchup.

These are my rules on how to maximize the enjoyment of the world's best food.


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,252 A semi-friend posted she broke her humorous. I responded, "What's that, like a funny bone?"

She got all huffy and said "Don't you know anything? It's your arm bone."

Sigh.




likes: 1
comments: 9

201,251 I can still do the Vulcan hand thing.


likes: 5
comments: 2

201,250 My son has no social skills. I hear him on the phone with his grandmother and all he can say is yes or no. How did this happen? Everyone else in the family is very friendly and outgoing.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,249 I had to have surgery last year because of an abnormal pap smear. Pre-cancer. I just realized the guy that gave me the hpv that caused the "pre-cancer" was the guy who I've given the most head to (and I always swallow.)
Fuck ke, I'm probably gonna get throat cancer too. Fml,


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,248 She's in my veins again
But she knows that I'll bleed her out
Before I wake
Exhale her oxygen
She burns like heroin
Now she's in me
And I can't let her go
And my bones are caving in


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,247 The TV show “Russian Doll” had a good ‘Groundhog Day’ type of story line. It could have been good, but it was shitty. It had good potential but the writers instead chose to try to include every stereotype in the premiere. They made it suck.

IDGAF about a trans lesbian on my TV. Give me a good show and I’ll watch. Catering to safe spaces is stupid. I won’t watch that crap. Stick to good plots, not so-called trendy genders. This is why I stopped watching TV.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,244 My son, 5 years old, says he doesn't like his teacher because she's fat and he's afraid she might eat him. Oh dear, I've failed as a parent.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,243 Normally I never post here. I only lurk. But this is such an exception. Yesterday I received some bad medical news about a dear friend. Today I had a terrible day at work. Looking for solace in any form I went to Dunkin on the way home and bought a box of donuts. On the way out I dropped the whole thing. I started to cry and scooped them up and went to my car. A wonderful, kind, empathetic, young man who was working behind the counter must have seen what happened. He came out with a new box of donuts. I insisted it was ok... he didnt have to replace them... it was my fault I dropped the box... but he wouldn't hear of it. I was by now, sobbing. I don't think anyone... especially that lovely human being of a young man... could possibly know how much that meant to me. So... have faith... there is good in this world.


likes: 19
comments: 7

201,242 My wife demanded I buy her a treadmill. I asked if she could run outside instead. She said it might rain on some days. I said, well, she has never once gone running. Maybe she should try doing it outside before insisting I buy her a treadmill to solve the rainy day problem. She kept whining. Ultimately I bought her a treadmill for $2,500.  Nothing but top of the line for her needs. She also bought about $500 worth of running clothes from LuluLemon.

In the end she used the treadmill once.

We downsized recently. I brought the treadmill to the dump. I can't explain how bitter this made me feel.


likes: 0
comments: 8

201,241 If this is real it's very disturbing.




likes: 4
comments: 17
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201,240 When my brother in law is feeling good about his finances because he received a big bonus at work, he buys himself a new ski condo.

When I'm feeling good about my finances, I splurge and get an appetizer with dinner.


likes: 2
comments: 7

201,239 I'm cheating on my wife. I have stopped off at the supermarket on the way home from work and bought myself a box of yodels or whatever. I then eat multiple packs before getting home and sitting down for dinner. I keep the rest hidden in the car for the next day's commute. My wife has zero idea I'm 'cheating' on her dinner plans.


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,238 I was THAT close to having all I wanted, and then it all came crashing down on me.


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,237 A student in my town is spearheading another one of those ridiculous fundraisers where she's trying to help the people in third world countries. (Hey what about helping the people in your own town?? If you bothered to look, there are plenty of poor people here.)

In any event, she set up a fundraising page that takes donations. Her blurb says she'll take money from $25 on up.

Like what, my $20 isn't worth your time? It has to be a higher amount for you to get interested enough to put down your iphone and vaping pen?

Oh well. The $20 will stay in my bank account.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,236 I dreamt last night that my wife was having sex with another man right in front of me. First she was between his legs giving him head. The she got on top and started fucking him. She would occasionally look over at me to make sure I knew she was enjoying it. It was very disturbing.

As I was getting ready for work this morning I told her about it. Without missing a beat she said, “Is that what you want? You want to watch me have sex with another man?”

Um, no! The dream freaked me out, ok? But what’s freaking me out even more is her reaction. It was almost like she’s already thought about it herself.


likes: 0
comments: 9

201,235 I don't want to sound ungrateful, but for our 19th wedding anniversary my husband got me an air fryer. Yes. The kitchen appliance you use to cook food with. Now in all fairness, he thought it was a good idea because I've been talking about wanting a fryer recently and he heard a lot of great things about air fryers. He thought he was being thoughtful. Now it is a very nice fryer. I otherwise would love it. But for our anniversary?

My husband stopped being romantic years ago, we never go on dates anymore. The last time we went out alone together was one year ago because it was our anniversary. Now he says he's going to take me out again for our anniversary but that was two days ago and still nothing. He never compliments me anymore. I've had talks with him about what I need romance wise and he just doesn't do it. He will be affectionate for a couple days after our talks but then goes right back to nothing.
The weird thing is we still have regular sex. That's the only time he touches me really is when he wants it. He knows I won't turn him down because it's the only time he pays attention to me so I'm like a puppy dog . I do whatever he wants because I'm so desperate for his affection. I'm so in love with him I can never resist and he knows it. So I take whatever he will give me. We have an okay relationship but to me it feels more like coparent's with benefits.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt his feelings because he tried hard to get me a nice present but to me it just doesn't scream I love you.. more like, happy anniversary now cook me dinner. I have been very appreciative of his present and said thank you, used it three times already. I probably won't say anything to him about it but its disappointing. Maybe I'm being stupid. Is this just what happens when you've been married forever?

F/40





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comments: 14

201,234 There is a picture in the newspaper of an American woman helping villagers in Africa fight communicable diseases. The image shows her in a poor village sitting with several black people by her side. The funny thing, she's wearing a breathing mask. No one else is. Oh I see, the white lady gets to wear a mask so she doens't get sick. Everyone else be damned.


likes: 0
comments: 8

201,233 My friend lies. He makes these bragging comments which are not true. No, your family member was not the producer of that famous movie. The internet is here. Everything can be checked. Liars make me sad. I think I'm going to tone down this friendship.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,232 "I'm a visual learner."

What the fuck does that mean? Read the god damned instruction manual like the rest of us you lazy turd.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,231 My high school prom date died from ovarian cancer while she was in college. I lost my virginity to her on prom night. I think about her sometimes. She was a good egg. She might have been the one.


likes: 3
comments: 0

201,230 I can tell my wife is about to have an orgasm because her ankles start sweating a lot.  Weird.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,229 Millennials, do you bother reading your own headlines? You know what that garble is? You introduced all sorts of new non-standard ASCII characters. They work well on your iphone 10, but they don't work for the rest of us. It shows up as garble on our screens. My computer is only a few months old and still I can't see the image correctly. Life is not all about YOU and what YOU can see on YOUR phone. If you are going to be a public news outlet, you need to think of others. I know that's scary for you, but deal with it, or please stop trying to be a news outlet.




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comments: 8
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201,227 People who eat gluten free.... get over yourselves. You are hypochondriacs.


likes: 2
comments: 22

201,226 Every now and then I get a cookie jar as a gift. It will sit on my counter for a while, then I put it away in a closet or something. Then eventually I donate it. Does anybody actually use cookie jars? Am I an anomaly?


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,225 Don't share your medical condition on Facebook. 1) You are soliciting advice from hacks. 2) It comes across that you are an attention seeker.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,224 I have slept with about 100 women. All have been white. Never even an Asian.  Am I prejudiced? Or are blacks and Asians prejudiced against me?


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,223 My husband’s mother is very sick and may be dying. He is taking it out on me. This morning he told me to “fuck off” over practically nothing. I get that he is under a tremendous amount of stress and I will cut him all the slack. But this is going to suck extra bad if he treats me like this.


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,222 I am talking to this guy, he wants to have sex, and he said he doesn't eat pussy unless he knows or is into the girl. Like he has to know you. But he won't say no to a blowjob. That's fair and I get it. But we were talking on the phone about stuff we do sexually, like what would happen if we got together, and I was talking about handjobs, and he kept sneaking in there if I would put it in my mouth, blowjobs, bla bla bla. Um if you won't eat pussy, what makes you think I'll suck your dick? Whatever happens in the moment happens but I know beforehand you're trying to get your dick sucked but you don't eat it. Sounds selfish


likes: 4
comments: 19

201,221 I'm a white woman. I've dated only black men. I've been attracted to some men of other raced but it hasn't been mutual.

My friend told me my history with black men means I have a fetish. I don't feel that way. I date men that I like and who like me.

Am I wrong?


likes: 3
comments: 7

201,220 Pleather or what is now called Vegan Leather is just plastic. When I was a kid in the 80's,"pleather" shoes and jackets meant you were poor. I refuse to purchase pleather or vegan shoes. This is just a way for companies to make you pay full price for an item that will not stand up as well.
They will also not break down when they are discarded because they are plastic. If you care about the environment, you should purchase items that are made of natural fabrics. Leather, rubber and cotton will break down when they are discarded.


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,219 I miss the days when you could just put up some lyrics you really like on Myspace/Facebook without it being weird. No one does it anymore but I still want to do it.


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,218 I've been having a sexy email back and forth with a married woman. It was getting very steamy and explicit. E.g, she told me she wants to watch me jack off on her breasts. Then all of a sudden as of last week the emails stopped. I'm wondering what's going on. She is feeling guilty? He husband found the emails? She died of excitement? I'd really like to know.


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,217 One of the grossest things to ever happen. My husband and I were at a Japanese restaurant with our children. We ordered a bunch of food including edamame. If you don't know edamame, they are like peas still in the pod. You put the pod in your mouth and suck and the beans come out of the pod. They are fun. It's one of the only vegetables my children willingly eat.

The waitress brings out the food. A few minutes later she does that obligatory thing of asking how everything is. I noticed we don't have the edamame. She looks confused. She was sure she brought them out. She walks off and comes back a minute later with a plate of edamame. Problem solved. But not really.

I put one in my mouth and try to suck out the beans. Oh darn. The pod was empty. That happens sometimes. I grab another pod and put it in my mouth. No beans again. What's going on? I look at my children. They are putting pods in their mouths but no beans.  I look closely at the plate. All the pods are empty. Then I notice there are chew marks on some of the pods.  What????????

My younger son, the observant one, say when the waitress realized she never brought the edamame to our table, she walked over to another table on the far side of the room. She spoke to the family there and then took the plate of edamame from them, and brought it to us.

But that family had already eaten what was supposed to be our edamame. The dumb waitress couldn't even be bothered to look. She brought us a plate of bean pods that had already been in the mouths of other people.

Yuck yuck yuck yuck yuck. That was the last time we went to a Japanese restaurant.


likes: 0
comments: 10

201,216 I'm so sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. I honestly thought we had more time.

Rest in peace, friend. Until we meet again.


likes: 3
comments: 3

201,215 There's this cute and very quiet woman in the office who might be about 25.  I heard she was adopted and her adopted parents divorced, leaving her with the adopted mother.  That's a double case of male abandonment.  I can't help but think she uses her body with men to feel acceptance.  Those quiet types tend to be the craziest.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,214 When reading anything, a facebook post, Instagram post, whatever it may be, as interested as I may be in the topic, I immediately stop reading  when I see, “what God has done” or something similar. They lost credibility in my eyes when they start that shit. Why can’t people take credit for their own hard work instead of crediting some fairy tale?


likes: 9
comments: 1

201,213 The speech pointed out that unemployment is at an all time low for disabled people.Yay! But democrats refused to stand or applaud on that point. Why? Democrats don't want to see disabled people move up? What was that about?


likes: 2
comments: 7
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201,212 My partner handles stress poorly. He gets all sullen and silent and then when I attempt to talk to him, he lashes out. I've dated so many men like this and I still have no idea how to deal with it.

I've attempted to take the approach I'd take with most people and say things like "are you ok?" / "what's wrong?" / "do you want to talk about it?" I've been told by several previous partners that this is not the correct way to respond. They don't want to talk about it. They hate being asked this. I've tried being nice and just trying to be supportive without directly asking if they're ok.Things like just being sure they've got coffee/food/etc. I've been told this is like coddling, which I don't agree with, but alright.  I've tried just behaving normally, speaking to them like I normally would. But then I get lashed out at. This hurts my feelings which makes things way worse.

So I've finally adopted the approach of just not speaking, staying the hell out of their way, and letting them be. By doing this I've been accused of being unsupportive/making them feel isolated!! I've been told how we always have to 'talk about my problems, but never theirs." But you never talk about your problems and don't like me to ask about them!!! WTF. I literally DO NOT know what to do. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!

men what am i supposed to do here?!  



likes: 1
comments: 5

201,211 Biggest loser in my high school.  Not very bright.  Small time dealer, hustler, and not even good at it.  Good for nothing, no potential, and we all expected him to be on the streets and die by the time he was 25.

I guess after high school he got a job picking up trash.  It was all he was good for.  Then one day, all that practice hustling must have clicked in his head.  He found a way to get a contract with the state to haul trash.  He was good at it.  He expanded.  Trucks, dumpsters, just hauling trash.  Hauling a lot of trash.

By 40 he was living in a mansion overlooking the water.

Because all this no good guy could do was haul trash.



likes: 11
comments: 4

201,210 My husband’s farts are pungent enough to wake me up in the mornings. Go to the bathroom with that shit.


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,209 I got fired because I was caught attempting insurance fraud. I haven't admitted this to anyone.


likes: 3
comments: 4

201,208 I am not anti-Semitic.  Love Israel, support the recognition of Jerusalem as the Capitol, hate the BDS movement, etc...

But I swear Chuck Schumer looks like the worst Nazi propaganda poster of the conniving Jew.

- M who hates that this pops in his head when he sees that guy


likes: 3
comments: 3
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201,207 FUUUUUUCK

did i fuck it up?

FUUUUUUCK

cant say more, not even here. Fuck!


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,206 If women want to be taken seriously in the Capitol building, they need to stop coordinating their outfits.


likes: 2
comments: 15

201,205 So my boss has started doing this thing where he claims he told me to do something, but he didn't.  And btw, that "i told you to do a b and c" just comes out rude.  Especially if the person talks rough anyway. So the other day he tells me he had to clean out the closet, he claims "i told you to clean out the closet." He didn't. He had wanted me to go through the top section, that was it. He may think he told me, but what do you do when your boss thinks he told you to do something but he didn't? I said "no you told me to do that top section" he says "it's part of the closet, no?" wth.  btw, i find that odd anyway, because none of that is MY stuff.  I find it uncomfortable throwing away other people's things, but i digress.


likes: 0
comments: 3

201,204 My wife tells me Trump's Inauguration is tonight. I guess he's getting sworn in as president....

It must be nice for my wife, wandering through life not having a fucking clue what's going on.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,203 I have the perfect relationship, perfect family.
Why do I like you? I feel like you know it. We would never make sense, it’s just the attraction. Besides you bang whatever comes your way and it’s gross. I just want to stop thinking about it.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,202 Calling this racist is absurd.




likes: 4
comments: 19

201,201 I have never recycled anything ever. I throw it all in the same trash bag.


likes: 1
comments: 9

201,200 I was driving from Florida to Long Island because I decided to take my dad's car away from him. He was 80 and too old to be on the road anymore. So I flew down to Florida to drive his car back up north.

I drove the whole first day without incident. On the second morning of the trip I was starting out in North Carolina. I got on the highway and a few minutes later I was pulled over by a cop. Fuck. I was definitely speeding. I knew I was screwed.

The officer comes to my window. They wear such ridiculous hats but I don't tell him that. He asks for my license and registration.

He stares at my little photo image then looks at me. He tells me to get out of the car. Like couldn't we just get this over with. Just give me the ticket and let me go on my way. I don't say any of this either. I get out of the car.

He says my license is an obvious fake. WTF? I say it's not. He says according to my birth date I'm 55 years old. He tells me I look like I'm 65 "possibly even 70." Gee thanks for the compliment asshole. I don't say this of course. Never answer back to a cop.

He says he's 55. He takes off his hat. He has no hair. He has the shaved-head scary law enforcement look. He tells me he's still handsome, probably the best looking guy on the force. He tells me he looks nothing like my "ugly mug." This guy is obviously baiting me. He wants me to make a move or something so he can deck me and put on the cuffs and bring me in, like he'll get a medal or something. What the fuck is wrong with these power hungry dipshits. My lips remain sealed.

He asks if I've ever gotten in trouble with the law before. I say no. He says, "What about in high school? Were you ever a discipline problem?"

Is this part of a background check in North Carolina? They ask about your high school records 40 years later? I tell him no, I was never a discipline problem.

He calls me a liar. My jaw drops open. He can't call me a liar.

He says, “What about that time you and that other knucklehead streaked through the gym during cheerleading tryouts? Didn't you get in trouble for that?”

Huh? I did streak through cheerleading tryouts? Me and my best friend Vinny Giraldi. We were legends to our fellow students, but we got in big trouble from the Principal. How the fuck would he know about this...

I look at his name tag: Officer V Giraldi

Without blinking I tell him he's wearing a ridiculous hat. We both laugh and he gives me the biggest bear hug ever. Drivers whizzing by on the highway must have been very confused why such a good looking police officer was hugging an ugly mug like me.

Life never fails to amaze me.


likes: 32
comments: 11

201,199 I don't get the Andy Warhol ad on the Superbowl. I don't even know what it was an ad for?  He eats a sad looking dried out burger. The captions say "#EatLikeAndy". Why? He ate a sad looking burger and then died in real life. Please explain what this ad was about? What should I rush out and buy?


likes: 0
comments: 22

201,198 I'm playing with fire. I text my love interest while sitting at the dinner table with my wife. I feel like I'm invincible and can never get caught. This will be my downfall.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,197 I was brushing my hair and my brush suddenly and unexpectedly snapped in half! That must be some sort of omen.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,196 I used to be the king of the hill at work. Not for nothing, but I was the best programmer ever. I basically had two jobs in my career where I stayed 15 years at each place. I was untouchable. I knew everything at the company. I could build any program. I could fix any problem. Everyone turned to me for the answer to everything. Then I quit to join some dickass place for the money. It didn't work out. The new company closed. I lived off my savings for a few years. Then I tried to get a new job. No one would take me. They wouldn't say it but I'm too old. They won't hire anyone over 50. I still know so much and I have an amazing work ethic. I get so many things done. That doesn't count anymore. They'd rather hire a young person with no experience and no track record instead of someone who has done amazing things. I'm a great resource going to waste. I never saw this coming.


likes: 2
comments: 6

201,195 I know three very smart students who graduated from high school last year and decided not to go to college. They are not slackards at all. They are top 10 kind of students. This fascinates me. Each student independently came to the conclusion that college is not worth the time or expense. I'm looking forward to hearing where they're at 10 years from now.


likes: 4
comments: 9

201,194 I love the smell of tomato stems. If someone made a perfume that smelled like tomato stems, I would buy it.


likes: 5
comments: 9

201,193 I'm broke and I don't get paid for a few more days. I wanted to get wasted so I will feel a little bit less depressed and have some fun. I counted out some change that I had in a jar and bought a few tall cans of the cheapest malt liquor I could find at the corner store. Fuck! I'm on my second can and I'm drunk. I'm glad I don't have to work tomorrow. I sure feel good!


likes: 3
comments: 1

201,192 I was always meant to be gay. I wanted to suck cock since I was a teenager. But I never dealt with the feelings. I pushed them aside. I've been married for the last 16 years. I have to do something about this.


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,191 A classmate from high school is the producer of a very successful TV sitcom. I am nothing. It eats away at me.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,190 I once dated two women at the same time. They didn't know about each other. It worked well until Valentines Day. I took one to lunch and the other to dinner. I told the lunch date I had to work that evening. I thought I was being clever. But that evening she called work to see if I really was there. That's when she figured out she was the second place finisher. She dumped me.


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,189 I've always been wildly in love with you.  I think I always will be.  


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,188 I intentionally signed up to work on the evening of Valentines Day. Now I don't have to feel awkward about no one asking me anywhere.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,187 My wife will interrupt herself in the middle of a conversation to announce to everyone present that she has to go to the bathroom. It's weird enough when she's talking to me. But she'll say it when at our son's school in a parent teacher conference.  


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,186 In my kitchen, I often find myself reaching into the drawer to the left of the sink looking for a fork. The forks aren't there. The forks are clear on the other side of the kitchen. But I look next to the sink because that's where the cutlery drawer was located when I was growing up. This is a different house by the way. Old habits indeed!


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,185 I'm just wondering what people think about the super bowl halftime show with Adam Levine... I haven't seen it, but read about it that it was kinda lame... Although I don't dislike him per se, I'm surprised that he was chosen to perform at a huge event like this...


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,184 Through a bizarre fluke of circumstance I ended up selling hot dogs from a cart on the weekend. It is a lot more work than I would have expected. ( Really? Hot Dogs?) However I found myself making more than DOUBLE the money I make from my day job. If things hold up I'll quit my job and start my own shop.

The secret? There are opportunities out there. We only have to be brave enough to go after them. Trust me, I'm no genius.

( Really? Hot Dogs?) Yes, I own the cart.


likes: 1
comments: 7

201,183 I'm at that point in my period where I'm sensitive and wanna cry easily and I'm nauseous easily.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,182 There is no salt in my salt shaker. It's been empty for years. This never stops my husband from mindlessly grabbing the shaker and giving a little sprinkle on his dinner.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,181 Everyone in my household drinks almond milk. My kids and my hubby can't get enough of it. How did I pull off this feat of healthy choices? I buy almond milk. I put it in the fridge and tell everyone it's mom's, don't touch it. Voila. They eat it right up.


likes: 6
comments: 2

201,180 I wish i’d been brave enough to walk over to your car. Maybe you were waiting for me to. I wish you’d talk to me. I still love you.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,179 "I went to graphic design school, okay? I know what I'm doing."

- Proceeds to reveal the most horrendous, lazy fucking page I've ever seen.

"Now THIS is the message we're trying to convey."

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were trying to show your customers how fucking boring and lazy you are. But by all means, please go ahead and dig yourself in a deeper hole, and when the owner of the platform looks at this and laughs in your face, I'll just sit there, very still, very silently, only laughing internally at your demise. I'll relish in the fact that your days in graphic design amounted to something any 10 year old with three crayons can do.

When the person, who's job it is to look at these pages and review them all day every day, looks at mine and says "Wow, this is REALLY good." but then looks at yours and says "...okay, this works." I guess that translates to "Anything to justify wasting my time!".

I don't hold grudges because that's not my style, but I'm a spiteful piece of shit, and if you think this is going to end with me sitting back and letting you suck your own cock from the comforts of your precious little bubble you are dead fucking wrong. I'll only be happy when you're sitting there, crushed, mentally abolished, depressed, and questioning every decision you've ever made in your life up until this point, until that bottle you you hold to your mouth to drown your sorrows turns into the only thing you think about doing when you wake up in the morning.

Or maybe I'll just let it go. Maybe I don't care enough to give this any more thought. It's hard to say...only time will tell...


likes: 1
comments: 3

201,178 Now the whole world knows there's corn syrup in beer. So?? I like corn. Why is this a bad thing?


likes: 1
comments: 9

201,177 I've had urges all of my life. Urges to hurt people I see it in my head and I can feel my body tense like it's ready. I've never been able to connect with people or understand them. So I self medicate with pills, alot of pills every day to numb me and slow my mind down. I have a girl friend and and children.  There is nothing that I wouldn't do for them. My girlfriend wants me to stop using pills. If I stop I wont be able to control the urges. For the first time in my life I am afraid. I an afraid that without the pills I might hurt them. I eont know what to do. If I talk to a counselor they might send me away and I wont see my children again. But if i stop using pills I wont be able to control myself. I think about killing myself so they will be safe. Can anybody relate or give me advice I dont know what to do..


likes: 0
comments: 9

201,176 The schools here are starting a big (and expensive) push to stop students from vaping. On one level that is good. But on another level why do I have to pay for this? Taxpayers have agreed to pay for education. Our dollars pay teachers and buy textbooks. I shouldn't have to pay because someone else's child has an addiction. That has nothing to do with me. That's up to the parents to work out with their own money.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,175 I've begun to tell people about my upcoming divorce. I still have not told my wife.


likes: 2
comments: 7

201,174 I seriously don't know how to live my life not being irritated. I am constantly doing things for other people. I feel like I'm never doing what I WANT. I'm constantly cleaning up after my disgusting roommates who no matter who much I ask them to do things, like clean up after their f*cking selves, they just don't. I'm constantly being exploited by my sh*t boss who is underpaying me and having me do so much. Half of the sh*t I do is what she's paid for! On top of that, she is total b*tch.

I'm in the process of looking for a new place and a new job, but for the time being, I'm stuck here until something better comes along. I'm f*cking exhausted and annoyed all the time. How the hell am I supposed to just go along all this without losing my cool!!???


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,173 When I was growing up I always wanted to be a writer. Now I still want to write a book. I want to take some writing courses and give it a shot. I don’t even care if it never actually gets published. I’m a fairly good writer, but I don’t have any really good ideas for a story.


likes: 0
comments: 6

201,172 Day 3 of my husband away on a trip for work. This has really confirmed for me how much I like living alone.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,171 The super fit athletic guy who organizes all the local running races just died of a heart attack. He was 46.


likes: 1
comments: 9

201,170 I've been having inappropriate conversations with another woman's husband. We both know where this is heading.


likes: 1
comments: 2

201,169 The truth has to come out.  Either I lose a bunch of internet friends I've never met, or I help my real friends and family.  Funny how I even had to think about this decision for a moment.


likes: 0
comments: 0

201,168 My secret is, since having kids I try not to curse. But who left that motherfuckingcocksuckingplastic piece of lego shit on the floor!!!!


likes: 6
comments: 3

201,167 The good news is that I’m over you too.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,166 Where did the NFL get that half time show ?   I see their standards has dropped down to the C or D list now.


likes: 3
comments: 3

201,165 https://yourbitchybouquettheoristworld.tumblr.com/post/182538954125/teach-me-to-brainwash-girls-into-pets


likes: 0
comments: 0
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201,164 In response to #159

For me, it has never been the JOB that makes me leave. It has ALWAYS been the people.
ALWAYS.

I’m a professional working as an engineer. I make about $30,000 less than I did three years ago, but I honestly don’t care about the money. I am more sane now that I work directly from my own home. I would NEVER quit this job.


likes: 2
comments: 2

201,163 Lesson worth learning. And relearning. None of this was meant to be done all alone. There is nothing courageous about covering up all your pain so no one sees it. There is nothing glorified about having it all together. You do not need to justify choosing your health over someone’s happiness or approval. And life can be wonderful, perfect, even when and especially when it’s hard.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,162 I'm so tired of my husband saying things like, "If you're interested in someone else then we can just go our separate ways," or, "If you've found someone to fuck go ahead and fuck them" every time we have an argument.  I've never cheated nor given him any indication that I have or I will.  Wtf?


likes: 1
comments: 10

201,161 I spanked a woman with my hand for the first time last night.  I really enjoyed it, much more than I thought when she first broached the subject.


likes: 10
comments: 0

201,160 Life was better before social media- I miss board games, hanging out with my family, watching movies etc. Now it’s just a shit show- all about texting, FB & iPads. No time for family enjoyment. My kids stick around to watch a movie for a minute & that’s it- on their phones they go. I’m part of the problem buying them their phones & iPads but I did not sign on for this! I miss family time.


likes: 4
comments: 5

201,159 I am desperately waiting for my six-month period to come to an end at my new job. I already cannot wait to transfer. I am making OK money, but there are people that are younger than me that makes more money than me, and it’s kind of awkward how immature they are. I don’t want to work around people like that. Also, this is not the long-term job for me. I need something in an office. Something more secure, and something where I don’t constantly have to deal with people face-to-face.


likes: 1
comments: 1

201,158 How long should a 55-ish widow wait before having sex again? It has been about six months.


likes: 0
comments: 8

201,157 I've slept with more than my fair share of women. No regrets at all. Some of the sex was great, some was eh, not so much. In thinking about it, what made some of the sex so enjoyable wasn't a particular motion or a strange position we learned from a book. It wasn't her beauty or her shape. No, what made the sex great was the woman's attitude. Fun, eager, playful, daring. It could have been vanilla missionary, but if she gave a vibe that she really wanted it, and really wanted me, and made our union her priority, then the sex was excellent. Just my two cents.


likes: 10
comments: 3

201,156 I think Anderson Cooper gives a bad name to gay men.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,155 I'm at that age (60) where friends and acquaintances around me are dying of natural causes. Several heart attacks, a brain aneurysm, and bone cancer in the last year alone. I guess the math makes sense. There will be a few every year from now on, gradually increasing over the next 15 years. Then tapering off because no one I know will be left. This is dreadful. I have to watch this happen? Or even worse, I have to be one of the numbers? How is any of this part of a fun and enjoyable retirement? It's sucks. I want to disappear and not hear about anymore of my friends dying.


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,154 I'm piecing this together. If there are only face pictures of someone online and nothing from the shoulders down, it's because the person is fat.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,153 My wife forgets life is supposed to be fun. All she can do is yell and scold and nag at me and the kids. I try to compensate so the kids won't be too scarred from her constant negativity.


likes: 1
comments: 5

201,152 I have this intense fear that there will be a major earthquake where I live soon.


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,151 Every time he refers to his ex-wife as his children's mother I immediately think, "She's not their mother." They adopted their kids. I know, I know. I'm a horrible human.

I do think of him as their father and she as a parent, but having a child of my own, I know she didn't bond in the same way a "real" mother does. She didn't feel them grow, give birth, or even participate in much of heir childhood. She spent most of their youth in and out of rehab.

She's no mother.


likes: 0
comments: 1

201,150 The internet company where I worked 20 years ago has a Facebook reunion page. We were only in business for two years before we ran out of money and shut down. Still it was an exciting and memorable time. As evidenced by the fact the 200 employees from back then are looking to have a reunion. I am too afraid to join and post anything. I worry someone will say something cruel about me. You'd think I'd be over this so many years later. I was their boss.


likes: 2
comments: 3

201,149 I'm still not sure how white light can come out of a bulb but if it goes through a prism it becomes a bunch of different colors. I can't draw with a bunch of different markers and eventually the page becomes white.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,148 When someone sends me a message on facebook I don't read it right away. I wait an hour. I don't want them to think I have nothing better to do than sit around on facebook all day, even though it's the truth.


likes: 4
comments: 3

201,147 Why do I have a snippy response to everything. My wife tells me she went to lunch with her friends and everyone had fun. I say they must have been drunk. My work mate tells me the secretary quit. I say she probably has a drug addiction. My wife tells me she bumped into a guy I know coming out of the doctor's office. I say he probably has cancer. I always have a negative sneering remark to make. I'm getting tired of who I am. I can't imagine how others must feel about me.


likes: 0
comments: 4

201,146 Today my wife told me its a beautiful day for May. It's a little cold, but still beautiful.

I pointed out that it's February. She seemed a little surprised and walked away.


likes: 0
comments: 5

201,145 It's so much nicer around here when you are away.


likes: 2
comments: 0

201,144 Um, a 65 year old dude can't make age jokes about people who are 35 or 40... Makes no sense. I know a guy who does this. I'm seeing more and more that men get old and grumpy. Like they're jealous because they're past those good years. Especially how they talk about women. How do you have the right to call women old when you're a good 25 or 30 years older? Certain types of old men are weird


likes: 1
comments: 4

201,143 Every time I've shared an office with a woman at work, I end up sleeping with her.


likes: 3
comments: 5

201,142 I wish my wife would shut up! Stop blabbering all the damn time. We hear you the first time you say something. Stop bringing the same things up every five minutes. My god you are unbearable.


likes: 3
comments: 1

201,140 I am depressed and isolate myself. I want to do things and see people but at the same time I don't. Then when I actually try, no one has time for me. For an entire weekend. Everyone already has a life and no time for me. Maybe this is why I isolate myself, protection of myself from rejection.


likes: 0
comments: 2

201,139 I accidentally referred to my boyfriend as my husband at work today. It felt natural. I really hope this works out because I do want to marry him and grow old together.


likes: 1
comments: 0

201,138 My greatest love impregnated my little sister. I have spent weeks doing my utmost to be supportive and loving. Shit happens and all that I have is my best. I am honestly grateful they both can breed. Epic folk, these. But this has broken me. I am stalwart, dignified, logical and reasonable. I can share 5 things off the cuff that supports the union of these two. Ten things, a hundred. It's epic. Their accident.  Informative, imperfectly but perfectly timed. But I am broken.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,136 Living in Las Vegas is the closest anyone can come to living in hell on earth. The place is litteraly a hell hole. No one should ever live here. Never take a job here. It is hell on earth, and no I am not talkinga bout temperature. This is by far the closest to hell anyone can ever come in their life. Dont live here, no matter what! fuck you stupid bouncer at oddfellows. You are a shit tard.


likes: 1
comments: 6

201,135 I kissed a woman who told me she had never been kissed that well before. Thwn I proceed to get told off by her friends, and then kicked out of the bar. Wtf. Duck you bitch friend who decided to cock block because you cant get laid. I did nothing wrong. I asked to kiss the woman. She said yes. Duck the mother fucking elizabeth Warren count rags of the world. Duck you all. I did nothing wrong.


likes: 1
comments: 7
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201,133 I try to keep my life very private especially because I’ve done things Im not proud of and want to live a better life. But today my boss opened up my mail addressed to ME because she’s ‘nosey’ and ‘it looked important.’ WHY would you open my mail from the DMV. I didn’t want the people that I work with to know that I have surcharges for a DWI I got years ago. I’m embarrassed all over again and sad that the people I work with don’t have more respect for me.


likes: 0
comments: 7

201,132 When I'm with friends I drink expensive beer but when I'm alone I drink cheap malt liquor. It's inexpensive, tastes okay and gets me drunk quickly. I just want to get drunk not spend a fortune on it.


likes: 2
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201,131 Good to know HIPPA laws at the police department in my home town are null and void.


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201,130 I'm not trying to be political.  I'm just saying what I feel about this.  And that is these abortion laws that are being passed frighten me.  They frighten me on a surreal level.  I feel like I'm standing on seemingly solid ground that has a monster, or a volcano, or a deep chasm, lurking underneath it.  When my state had its abortion referendum 35 years ago, a little voice in my head said, "A line has been crossed.  This isn't about killing a fetus.  They know these are human babies, despite what they say.  In the future this will be warped so they can legally kill whomever they want."  But honestly, I thought I was being silly.  Who would ever think killing a baby would be okay?  But now you can.  You just have to claim you were in the process of aborting it. I would never say this to anybody, but it makes me wonder if we are in the "End Times" that the conspiracy nuts talk about.  How does the United States recover from this horror?  This is why I feel frightened on a surreal level.  Is the Antichrist here?  Fire and brimstone?  I always thought the whole "Book of Revelations" thing was a story, but it's things like this that make me wonder if something's sinister is going on in the world.


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201,129 I love sucking titties.  You love when a guy sucks on your titties because it makes you cum.  Things were getting a little hot, my ying missed your yang, and...

I am sorry I bit you on your nipple.  



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201,128 I hear people at work talking and it's like a foreign language. I don't know what they are saying so I learned to nod along until they stopped talking. Truth is I have no idea what the difference is between medicaid and medicare. I also have no idea what the single payer option is. Nor do I know what a process crime is. For a while I thought Lindsey Graham was a preacher but I realized he is someone else.


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201,127 Why has it become a thing that a car displays the temperature on the rear view mirror. Is there a reason you need to know the temperature when backing up? Wouldn't it make more sense to show the temp on the dash board along with all the other indicators? Who designs these things? Someone else say the word so I don't have to...


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201,126 My wife's behind doesn't fit in her pants anymore. It's starting to look awkward. I am just smart enough not to say a word.


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201,125 Me and many of my friends were laid off at age 55. As much as we have tried, we can not find new relevant jobs. My good friend was a programmer. Now he works the night shift at a gas station. What about this form of discrimination? Who is going to help us?


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201,124 My wife is very bad in bed. I try to do the right thing. I talk to her about with a gentle tone when we are not in bed. I point out she can't try to jerk me off at full speed all the time. It hurts. I ask if it would feel good to her if I touched her private part with such an energetic repetitive thrusting motion. She agrees it would not be good. Next time in the bedroom she does it again. I have to pull her hand away for the 100th time. I'm not sure what else to do. Some people never change. Advice welcome.


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201,123 Every now and then someone is in the news for stealing food. Certainly theft should be a crime. But theft of food? I'm not so sure. People steal food because they are hungry. We need to cut them some slack.


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201,122 Like everyone else, I'm never pleased to get caught behind a school bus. I have to stop every 50 yards as they drop off another student. I, along with the 20 cars behind me, can get slowed down by 10 minutes when all we want to do is get home for the evening.

There was one time though. I merged onto the main drag and dammit, I was right behind the bus. Here we go, get ready for frustration.

I noticed there was a kid in the back most seat of the bus. He looked to be a high schooler. He was mindlessly staring in my direction. He looked just as frustrated as me, with the bus taking so long. At yet another stop I grimaced. He looked right in my eye and nodded, like he gets it. I only get delayed in this way once every now and then. He takes this donkey ride home every day. I actually felt bad for him. I nodded back. He smiled.

Then he made this gesture. He turned his fist into a ball while eagerly shaking his head up and down with an inquisitive smile. It's like he was asking me something. I didn't get it. I had a confused look on my face.

He seemed to get I didn't understand. He put both hands up like he was going to start over. Then he made the the ball with his hand again. That was followed by his fingers stretched out flat. Then he made a scissor cutting motion.

Like what?..... Oh..... he wanted to know if I'd like to play rock, paper, scissors! How funny!

I smiled and nodded.

He put up three fingers, then two fingers, then one finger and then bam, I put out my hand shaped like paper. His fist was balled into a rock.

Ha ha, paper covers rock! He made this funny snarling face like he was psuedo mad I beat him. He made the number one and pointed to me with a smile.

Again he did the three fingers, two fingers, one finger, bam. I was paper again. He was scissors. He put up his arms in victory. He signaled one point for him, one for me.

We continued playing this game for the next five minutes. With each round our declarations of victory became more and more pronounced. He won and stood up in the aisle of the bus and did a dance. Not to be outdone, next time I won, I opened my car door, stepped out onto the middle of the road and did a little shimmy shimmy shake. I could see him laughing so hard. Yeah, this old soccer mom's still got it going on, you bet I do!

Finally with the score tied four all, the bus put on it's turn signal. Noooo! I had to keep going straight. This moment was going to end. As the bus started to head down the side street, he put on a sad face. Me too. I waved adieu. He waved back and blew me a kiss.

That was my best commute ever. Still makes me laugh. I never mind anymore when I'm caught behind a bus. In fact, I almost look forward to it. :)


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201,121 One time was too many and a thousand was never enough....


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201,119 After my father's funeral my mother pulled me aside and said she was glad he died because he had sexually molested one of my sisters many years earlier. She wouldn't say which sister. To this day I don't know if she was just talking and trying to disparage this man who divorced her, or if she was telling the truth. I'm not sure I want to know.


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201,118 Why do they take a movie like "The Martian" and fill it with unneeded inappropriate material? They curse. They talk about a man's "balls". How am I supposed to watch this with my young sons? It's a wonderful story about science and the human spirit. Why litter it with filth?


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201,117 "It doesn't count if you see Hamilton in a different city. It only counts if you see it in New York."

Oh. My bad.


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201,116 I got up this morning and came downstairs. My wife was in the kitchen and immediately said, "Did you see the article this morning on the polar vortex cold. I'm going to wear my heavy blue coat today. My sister is wearing her yellow coat. Who wear's yellow? The last time I saw yellow was on a bride's maid. What a wedding that was. I like Vermont weddings although I don't like Vermont. Too many bugs in the spring. I could never live there but I could live in Arizona except I don't really like native american anything. Turquoise jewelry is ugly. Like the belt I have and never wear. I should give it away because it takes up room in the closet and we need bigger closets anyway and a bigger house. We could enlarge the kitchen by punching out the nook and expanding into the backyard which we never use anyway because our kids don't like sports. Sports are not fun anyway after they made it political. Even Coke and Pepsi are political with their red cans and blue cans. I like Pepsi better anyway but I rarely can get it in a restaurant even though they sell many different types of water. Which by the way we should go out for dinner tonight except it it's really cold, so did you read it?"

Me, "Did I read what?"

Her, "The article on the polar vortex cold? Were you not listening?"

Someone please save me.


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201,115 I miss getting fucked and filled.  I want to be a cumdumpster again.


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201,114 My husband is loud. Like, he's the kind of person who will turn on speaker phone, then get as close to the receiver end as possible and yell. Jesus Christ, the other person can hear you. He is loud naturally, anyway, I don't know why he feels the need to be even louder than necessary, but it makes me and the kids cringe and feel naturally defensive to everything he says because he's practically yelling all the time. And yes, his hearing is just fine (listening is another issue....).


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201,113 My wife doesn't appear interested in me anymore.  I can't seem to do anything to spark her love for me.  I've given up trying.  I just wish if she didn't love me, she'd let me go.  But we have two kids.  So I'm stuck.


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201,112 The liberals are loosing their minds in this country. In NY it is now legal to abort your baby at 9 months as well as piss in the street, drink in the streets and be loud and even jump the turnstile in the subway .The cops are not allowed to touch you! ALL the big cities are out of control .Now minimum wage is $15,00 and hour. who can afford to pay that amount to people who have no education and nothing to contribute? America is looking like a third world country and still the  left wants socialism. Venezuela is going down the drain and they still dont see the writing on the wall.The unwashed masses wants more and more for free and vote idiots into power who can read or write but promises them free healthcare -free schooling and free housing! Who is going to pay for all this free stuff.Congress is out of control and Pelosi and Schumer is doing everything they can do to stop Trump from keeping the borders save! All we need is another 9/11 that kills 3,000 Americans to wake these idiots up! All this because the "holy cow of America" Hillary did not win. Americans should wake up and look at what is happening in this country.
This is no secret -but nobody wants to talk about it- that is why it is posted on this site!


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201,111 I called out of work today and tomorrow. I started recently, but...I’m already considering transferring, so I don’t feel that bad.


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201,110 A public official called me a liar. A short while later he was dead of a heart attack. Karma.


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201,109 I will admit I became a little scared last night. I went out for a walk. I've been trying to walk every day. I thought polar vortex weather be damned I don't want to miss my exercise. I got about half a mile when the cold got too much for me. I realized it was a long walk home into the wind. I began to panic. There were no houses nearby. I struggled to keep my wits. I kept telling myself not to stop. One foot in front of the other. Obviously I made it but I was wicked cold and very scared. Tonight no walk for me.


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201,108 I got essentially fired today and I could not be happier. Working in IT is hard enough and when you add an insecure and incompetent manager well I could not goto the office anymore....so I didn’t.


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201,107 I will never forgive the media. One day I will meet a reporter and boom, right in the nose.


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201,106 I hate how the FindMyiPhone app is so far off. I can call it up and it gives a location. I hit refresh and it gives a new location 100 yards away from the first location. Not very useful if the location keeps changing by the size of a football field.


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201,105 It's a small thing, but we interviewed two electricians for a two bedroom house we are completely gutting. Their prices and experience were comparable, but when one drove off I noticed the CHOOSE LIFE bumper sticker.  Made my decision easy. He'll never know why he didn't get the job, but I will. :)




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201,104 Somewhere below, a person posted:

"I am so lonely."

A man posted something like this on our town facebook page a few days ago. The immediately response was very caring. People offered to go out to dinner with the fellow and invite him to church events. But then the inevitable trolls took over. They started bashing the man. They asked what's wrong with him. They said he must be doing something very wrong in life if he can't find friends. The moderator had to go in and keep deleting the negative posts. I'm sure the sad fellow must have seen some of them though. It was so ugly. In the days since, concerned residents have been asking him to respond. So far nothing. Either he is wallowing even further in his despair. Or he has killed himself. I hate trolls. They thrive on making others unhappy. Their should be anti-troll laws.


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201,103 I have a friend who posts really bad poetry to facebook. As her friends, we of course rave at her writing, but truth be told, it's like something an overly dramatic 7th grade girl would write.

"My love, my love, I long for you my love,

Let my clouds of despair release their anguish of cold drops and create a rainbow of happiness,

My life, my life, I long for you my life."

Oh boy.




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201,102 As humans, aren't we a little embarrassed at the things we wear?




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201,101 I wonder how sexually deviant I am compared to other people.  I was pretty sexually repressed growing up.

When I was 15 my sister's girlfriend spent the night.  I sniffed the girlfriend's panties.  Wow, talk about a strong smell of vagina!  I don't know what I expected to smell, but I sure didn't expect it to smell like that.

When I was about 32 a really cute friend of mine was at my house.  She went into the bathroom and peed.  I knew she wiped herself with toilet paper, so a few minutes later I went into the bathroom to pee, looked into the trash can, pulled out the toilet paper she used and sniffed it.  It smelled like piss.  Again... I don't know what I expected to smell...

I got drunk once and did something I wish I didn't.  A friend had told me he had jerked off on this woman while she was asleep.  When she woke up she had no idea what happened.  I was incredibly drunk and decided I was going to try it with my friend's female friend who was also drunk and passed out.  I pulled down my pants over her and tried it for about 30 seconds.  Then I thought, "What the fuck am I doing??  I'm not the type of guy who does shit like this!"  I pulled up my pants and went away.  Never did anything like this again.  This was 15 years ago and I'm still ashamed with myself.  At least I never touched her.

I got jerked off at a shady massage parlor a few times.  Also got a few handjobs at a local strip club.  I don't care what anybody says, getting a discreet handjob from a woman I don't know is a lot of fun, especially when she's really enthusiastic about it

I tried to lick an asshole once.  Just couldn't do it.  I hit the taint pretty good, though.

So that's about the total sum of my sexual deviance.


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201,100 I can't imagine why people run for public office, especially at the Federal level. Every word you've ever spoken, every mistake, every youthful indiscretion will be trotted out for the world to pick over and judge.


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