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203,062 I kill 'em with kindness. I'm so pleasant even when they are jerks. It works. They calm down. But honestly I hate myself for it. I want to punch them in the fucking throat.


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203,061 What is this new trend in the media. They have a headline about a cellphone video showing a vicious attack. They say "Police need your help." But when you click on the story, they don't have the dramatic video. How can we help if you don't show us the video?

It's like worse than click bait. At least click bait shows you something. These vicious attack stories with no video are idiotic.


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203,060 My wife tells me what shows I'm allowed to watch. Or she tries to. Why do women become this way?


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203,059 HBO shows naked children in sexually oriented shows. This isn't right. HBO should be shut down. We have laws!


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203,058 He only sleeps with me when he's drunk.


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203,057 I want my kids to take French, not Spanish. French is the language of good taste and high culture. Spanish is the language of fat, loud women with drawn-on eyebrows, orange-bleached hair, and hoop earrings the size of wagon wheels. Besides, Spanish speaking people need to learn English, not the other way around. I know this is prejudiced, but I don't care. It's my real and honest opinion.


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203,055 My new laptop has a power cord that's in two pieces. I plug the first piece of cord into the wall. Then I plug the second piece into the first piece. This goes to the computer. What's really great about it is if I tug at all on the power cord, it comes undone. The two pieces come apart. This means I no longer get power into the laptop. This is good because... because... then I don't have power... and it's good a computer doesn't have power because..... well I don't know... but this is how the large tech company designed it so it must be the best solution .... I guess....


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203,054 Stop trying already. It's never going to happen. Leave me alone.


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203,053 A man my wife knows asked her to play golf with him. I'm encouraging her to go. I would secretly like her to have an affair. I want her to come home one afternoon looking guilty. I want her to tearfully confess she slept with him. I would demand she take her clothes off so I can see. I'd smell and lick her pussy. I'd taste his cum leaking out of her. I'd demand that next time she let him fuck her ass. When she came home I'd fuck her in the ass too with his juices as the lube. This is what I want.  


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203,052 I miss the Good Humor truck coming round. Is this not a thing anymore?


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203,051 I know a guy who is 50 something and he's the fattest man I have ever seen. He must weigh over 500 pounds easy. Get this, he's a fire fighter. How can he run up the stairs of a burning building? How would he not die? How can he even be alive at all with that much excess weight?


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203,050 In the past year, young people have come up with the following viral challenges:

Eating Tide Pods
Snorting condoms
Car surfing
Eating food in the original packaging, plastic and all
Choking yourself til you pass out

Kids have died because of these self imposed challenges.

Young people, what the fuck is wrong with you morons?


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203,049 You don't know what it's like dealing with my wife. No one knows how painful she is. Like just today, I call her on her cell. She picks and in a confused voice, she asks, "Are you calling me?"

I calmly say yes. But I couldn't let it go because deep down I'm a masochist. So I push. I say, "Isn't that the way it works? Your phone rings. You see the caller ID. You pick up knowing that I'm calling you. Why did you sound confused? Did you think I wasn't calling you?"

She says, "Well sometimes you don't call."

I say, "Yes, but when I'm not calling, then your phone doesn't ring. You see how that works? If I'm not calling it's not going to ring. It's really not that confusing."

"Well," she says, "sometimes it rings and it's not you."

I say, "Yes, but that's where the caller ID on you phone screen comes in handy. It shows the name of the caller."

She says, "I know, but sometimes it doesn't show your name."

"True," I say, "But when it does show my name, that's how you know it's me calling."

"Okay, but that's two things I have to look for. I have to notice the phone is ringing and then I have to look for your name. It gets confusing."

She's in her 40s. You'd think this wouldn't be so hard. Side note. She's been looking for a job. For some reason no one wants to hire her....


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203,048 I bought a car made out of metal. Now it's made out of rust.


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203,046 You are really dumb.


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203,045 There's a feature on Yahoo where I can click and tell them not to send me celebrity news from various news outlets. I have no interest in celebrities. But it seems the more I click, the more I get celebrity news. They will not be denied. It is apparently no longer my right not to be interested in celebrities. I feel like soon it will turn into Clockwork Orange and my eyes will be taped open and I'll be forced to watch what the Kadashians are wearing today.


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203,044 I work as a subcontractor for a company. My company's policy states I am not to fraternize with clients employees. Well they have multiple companies sub contracted out. And I have not technically broken any rules because he isn't their employee.
And sadly as this has been going on I have caught feelings.


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203,042 I chaperoned at the Senior Prom and saw something telling. A few weeks earlier the student council voted to do away with the prom King and Queen. They said they didn't need gender specific titles. Why not just have everyone vote for prom "Royalty" and it didn't matter if the winners were male or female or whatever.

The idea was unanimously approved.

Come prom night, the students voted. Of course it was just a popularity contest. Two male football stars were the top two vote getters. Meaning there were no girls selected. I looked out over the crowd and I could see it in the girls' eyes. They were so disappointed. A few choked back tears. It meant the world to them to be considered for prom Queen. They had waited a lifetime for this. And instead, because of some short sighted PC silliness, no woman would get the crown.

I hope they learned a lesson. Getting overly PC an backfire.


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203,041 If bacteria in our intestines is digesting plant material and creating methane in the process - in my case an abundant amount of methane - then why can't we reproduce this in a beaker and create an endless supply of energy?


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203,040 My grandmother is dying. I want to use this time to get close to her, learn things about our family that I never knew, find out what my mother was like. Nana's not cooperating, though. She just wants to bitch about hospital food and how the hairdresser doesn't do her hair how she likes. I resent her staunch refusal to be deep.


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203,039 Do any of you regret your actions?


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203,038 So...maybe it’s not the world that is conspiring against you. Maybe it’s you. You’re obnoxious, you’re too brash, you’re too loud. You have absolutely no discretion. Nothing is ever your fault, your attitude is never the problem - it’s everyone else who has the problem. I can almost feel people cringe around you. It’s hard to be around someone like that. It’s even harder being married to someone like that. So the next time you start claiming the world is against you.....maybe you should re-examine yourself. Because it’s not us, it’s you.


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203,037 Humble braggers are the worst kind.


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203,036 Men surprised that women also enjoy sex is just disturbing.
Like, you’ve been having sex with women believing they didn’t enjoy it...& you were comfortable with this??



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203,035 I still can't believe how one person can crush the Soul so much. Unfortunately, I now know what True Love is.


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203,034 I sent a photo to the police of someone clearly breaking the law. The police told me to mind my own business.

I'm just left shaking me head. What a fucking joke we've become.


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203,033 Invited my work best friend to join my boyfriend and I for drinks the other night. What a mistake. They ended up just debating social issues and politics with each other most of the time. Both of them either ignored me and my obvious boredom or talked over me when I tried changing the subject. It made me so mad. I wanted to relax and have a good time, not get heated up about heavy issues. There’s a time and place, you know? Neither of them will back down, of course, and neither of them realize they’re not going to change the other’s mind. Yeah, they’re important issues, and boyfriend and I discuss them too, but can’t we just kick back and laugh and enjoy our drinks when we’re out?? I’m not going out for drinks with the two of them together anymore. Ugh.


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203,032 I think someone its been breaking into my house while I'm gone. My light bulb in the closet was burn out and keep forgetting to replaced yesterday by accident I turn the light switch and magically my light turn on. I also have notice the smell of cigaretes  even though I don't smoke.


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203,031 Harry was played by Meghan.


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203,030 She posts a picture of her son illegally driving with a car full of kids. But I guess it's okay because she's an elected official and therefore laws don't apply.


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203,029 I get the words role and roll mixed up. Is he on the honor role because he's ACTING like a good smart person? Or is he on the honor roll because he's like A HUNK OF BREAD?

That's easy. He must be on the honor role.

Oh wait no, he's on the honor roll.

Our language is too confusing.


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203,028 I know a woman who speaks out for women's rights. But at the same time she makes her living selling make-up. So she is fighting the stereotype put on women, while at the same time profiting off the stereotype.


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203,027 If you have a dead yellow tooth, don't smile with your lips open!


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203,026 I like very violent movies. There's probably a file on me at the CIA.


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203,025 In the town where I live the local democrats are trying to shut down businesses where the owner has republican leanings.

What's next? Are democrats going to target businesses where the owner has a different skin color? A different religion?

I mean, WTF? Is this what being a democrat is all about? They try to punish anyone who has a different opinion.




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203,024 I shave my wife’s pussy.


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203,023


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203,022 Can I get a sex disease from a woman giving me oral? I got a blow job the other day and now my dick is in pain.The tip is inflamed and the first few inches of the piss channel is on fire when I go. Can a woman pass a disease to me through saliva?


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203,021 This week a dogsitter was caught in a client's house having sex on the couch. The homeowner had a nanny cam. It caught the whole thing. There's imagery showing full frontal nudity and more.

My question: Why is the homeowner complaining? They got a free hot video out of the ordeal. I'd welcome this young lady to come to my home and look after my dog! I certainly wouldn't complain!


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203,020 I hate working with women. We're all so dramatic. Seriously. It's exhausting.


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203,019 I used to think you were demur and quiet.  I thought you were too shy to talk to people, which is why you never really talked to people.

Now it's becoming clear that you're not a very nice person.  That's why nobody ever talks to you.


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203,018 I made a harrowing discovery earlier this evening. If you eat a lot of dried apricots, there will be war within your innards, and of course it will be while your new boyfriend is spending the evening with you. I don’t like going #2 when people are over. I just don’t. So I had to had to hide it. I took a shower to hide it. I ran for dear life to the bathroom when he went out to his car for something a couple times. I didn’t want him to leave, but I was relieved when he did because Armageddon was happening in my bowels. Good god, it was awful and stressful. This happened another time with cranberry juice, but I wasn’t lucky enough to reach the restroom. But that’s a whole other story. Besides these incidents, I have pretty normal intestinal functionings.

Quite frankly, I feel pretty stupid for not knowing this about dried apricots. I will not be eating them again for a long time.


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203,017 One week ago, I found out that I have grade 3 breast cancer.

I’m 45. I don’t smoke pot or tobacco, don’t drink to excess.  I’ve always maintained a normal weight.  Never been married or been pregnant.  I exercise regularly, eat healthy, get enough sleep.

Now... everything other people complain about is so stupid to me.  Yeah, you got the wrong kind of coffee. Yeah, your wife isn’t perfect.

I have this... friend who smokes.  She’ll say “I’m going to go give myself cancer!” when she goes for a cigarette.

I might die of cancer.  I haven’t told anyone.

Please, all of you just shut up.


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203,016 Very tired of breastfeeding.


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203,015 I don't like Guiness beer. It tastes like weird coffee. I don't think anyone likes it. But no one is willing to admit it.


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203,014 After watching Game of Thrones, I'd consider sleeping with a dwarf.


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203,013 Even though I have a job and money I go to a food bank twice a month for free groceries.


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203,012 In case anyone was on the fence about it, now we know for sure: Our judicial system is corrupt.


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203,011 I'm completely convinced the Jeopardy champion is getting the answers before the show. I pride myself on knowing things because I studied so hard. There is no way anyone could have the depth of knowledge he has. Especially since he says he goofed off in college and then went on to become a professional gambler. When was he studying? Nope. I'm not buying it.


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203,010 I think if I ever got diagnosed with cancer, I would not do treatment.  


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203,009 I asked her to pick up hotdog rolls. She came home with foot long really thick and bready hero rolls. I can't serve that to 5 year olds. She can't do anything right. Now I'm going out to get hotdog rolls. She never listens. She always knows best. It's always her way. I'm sick of this.


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203,008 "It's not what you know, it's who you know."

I take offense at this adage. I'm the guy who does all the work while you slick dicks try to take all the credit. Lazy tards. I don't have to know you at all. You add nothing to the progress I make. I hope young people realize the adage is wrong. Learn all you can. and be useful in the office. Don't let the dicks smooze you and take advantage of your hard work.


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203,007 Fuck my job. I'm going to call in sick and then drink beer all day.


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203,006 My mother in law is here. I can't fucking stand it. I tell my husband repeatedly I don't want her visiting and staying with us, and he's always in agreement until she calls him crying. Then he gives in. She's just so passive-aggressive and destructive. And I mean destructive physically. Last time, she broke our sink disposal by letting a plastic measuring spoon go down the drain. This time, she's already caused a glass bowl to blow up when she put it on a hot stove, so there are scorch marks all over my kitchen floor. I yelled to my husband to get the kids out of the house so I could vacuum and scour all the glass shards out of the kitchen so someone didn't cut themselves.

I wouldn't be so angry if she would take responsibility for these things. With the sink, she claimed it wasn't her fault (ok, you were the only one using the measuring spoons for cooking and my husband and I put those in the dishwasher, so neither of us would have put them in the sink). With the bowl, it was "just an accident." Yeah, an accident where one of my kids could have been hurt if they had been in the kitchen and now I have to pay to have the floors repaired.

She crosses out words in the kids' book and replaces them. For example, we have a book about a dog that helps a flock of sheep get ready for bed. The book says the dog is a collie. She crossed the word "collie" out every time it appeared and replaced it with "puppy." The reason being that my son "can't say collie, he can say puppy." HE'S TWO YEARS OLD. There are hella words he can't say yet and he certainly can't read. That's not a reason to change a book. Another example: she bought him a pair of shoes. Yesterday, I dressed my son and put on the pair of shoes he already owns, got him all ready to go out with her for the day to have fun. As they were getting ready to leave, my mother in law told us to stop, she went into the kids' room and got the pair of shoes she bought him, put them on his feet, and remarked that "that's better." She'll be sitting right next to me and will still yell out for him elsewhere in the house to ask him a question she could ask me. It's passive aggressive shit like this all the time, every day.

The best part is, everything is my fault. My husband could call his mother a stupid cunt and she would find a way to claim that I cause him so much stress and anxiety that he was driven to it. She is constantly trying to compete with me for his attention and affection.

I've told my husband this is her last time staying with us. If she wants to visit, she has to stay somewhere else. And if he doesn't agree, then he might staying somewhere else, too. Thank god for the linear movement of time and the natural progression of the life cycle....


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203,005 Oh dear. There are 19 words in the poster promoting their event. And 4 spelling errors.


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203,004 I think Alejandro is better, but he's not clean cut all american. Ya know what I'm saying...


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203,003 I proposed to a woman. She turned me down. A few weeks later I proposed to another woman. It was just a whim to prove to myself that not all women would reject me. She said yes. We are now married. I think we'd both agree the marriage isn't working. Yes I'm to blame. I never respected my wife. Weird to say but she said yes far too easily. I think the first woman who turned me down is also to blame. She was unkind. She pushed me into this position.


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203,002 My wife's sister just had a baby. She's looking for a night nanny to look after the new baby so she and her husband can sleep uninterrupted. This disgusts me. They are starting down the path of not being real parents. They are selfish parents. Their life is all about them. They want no discomfort. Everything must be perfectly to their liking. They are skipping over the part where getting up in the middle of the night is a bonding experience for the parents and the baby. It's a hurdle they need to go through together and come out closer on the other side. This is lost on short term thinking parents of this new generation. They consider only the here and now, and not of the consequences. Their child will be just another disconnected brat raised by a nanny.


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203,001 Sometimes it's better to not know there were ants on the oreos...


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203,000 The emails I get from school are written by an illiterate. I feel embarrassed for them. My God people, you are a school. Do a little proofreading before hitting the send button.


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202,999 Arnold Schwarzenegger looks so old. Sad.


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202,998 I miss our work lunches :)




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202,997 It shouldn't be called the WHITEhouse anymore. It should have a less racially charged name.


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202,996 I have a friend from childhood. He's turning the big 50 this year. His facebook posts in recent weeks have become very forlorn. He has publicly been lamenting everything. He thinks he wasted his life. He never became anything. He went to college to be a jazz musician, but it didn't work out. He currently works in a pizza parlor. He hasn't played his instrument in decades. He lives in a tiny basement apartment. He's never been married because he never found a woman who wanted him (his words). He's been drinking alot too. It's what he does when not at work. He's also been talking alot about his mother who coincidentally died at age 50.

I'm thinking the guy is about to kill himself. I'm not sure what to do. We used to be close in high school. But that was a long time ago. I'm not sure how to intervene in the here and now.


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202,995 I encountered a police officer who went too far. He was rude and threatening towards me. I had done nothing wrong. I never do. I'm a very fair minded helpful person. But regardless, the officer treated me very badly.

I complained to the police department. Not to get revenge. But to let the police chief know that I've seen people like that wayward officer before. It was clear he doesn't pull that kind of stunt on just me, he must be on his little power trip with others too. I told the police chief that the officer would get the department in big trouble one day.

What did the police chief do in response to my complaint? He named the bad cop officer of the year. The police chief lost my support on that day. What an obnoxious thing to do. I complain so the police chief wants to make out like the officer is great. I saw that and knew what would happen next. The police officer would feel empowered. He crossed the line and was praised for it. Now the officer will turn up the volume on his harassment of citizens.

A few years later the officer was involved in the shooting of an unarmed man. The poor victim was home and sitting at his kitchen counter. The police barged in and instantly shot the man. A guy was dead. That made me so mad. The police department encouraged reckless behavior and now someone died.

But you know who was also mad at this situation?

Karma. Not longer after the shooting - which by the way was officially labeled as a homicide - the police chief himself suddenly died. He wasn't old. But he certainly was dead.

Sometimes karma takes the long way around, but it gets there.


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202,994 I think the website is better without comments. There was so much hostility. People never behave. They ruin everything they touch.


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202,993 Thank God Game Of Thrones is over. I'm sick of people talking about it all these years. But what are people going to do now? What will occupy their lives?


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202,992 My cousin has become my favorite guy in the world. I think I'm in love with him. But I can't be in love with him because he's my cousin. I mean I can't have sex with him... can I?


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202,991 So there is a new toaster that costs $270. It only does one slice at a time. I think it's a ridiculous idea. But I'll bet this becomes a must have item for millennials when making their avocado toast.


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202,990 That thing people do, where you are with a group and about to start dinner and someone starts clinking everyone's glasses, and then everyone has to clink everyone else's glass, even the people I don't like, and I worry a little my glass will chip and I'll swallow a glass shard and I will die, that thing, I wish people wouldn't do it.


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202,989 My brother in law watched a youtube video. Therefore he is an expert.


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202,988 I found out that my ex-wife was in an automobile accident and destroyed her brand new convertible. Unfortunately, she wasn't injured or killed.


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202,987 An extended family member holds four records in female weightlifting. It's fun to go to a bar with her. No one messes with us!


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202,986 I've had one my houseplants since the first day of freshmen week. I am now 61. When the day comes, I'd like it to be planted on my gravesite.


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202,985 There is a little panel in the ceiling of my bedroom closet. The panel can be removed. It leads to an attic crawl space. If I climb up there, I can get to other panels leading into other people's apartments. None of them are locked or anything like that. I can easily lift any of the panels and hop down into anyone' s bedroom closet. Just saying.


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202,984 I saw a homeless guy asleep on a bench with his shopping cart in front of him in a strip mall where I had been shopping. I watched him sleep and stole ever closer to his cart full of treasures only he could appreciate. Closer I got as he slept, creeping forward like a cat about to spring...and then...I dropped a pink, delicious strawberry shortcake cookie into his cart and slank away like a thief in the night. I hope he enjoyed it.


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202,982 My friend paid $50,000 a year to go to college. Today she graduated. Next week she starts her new job - as a dog walker. This is too sad. There are no jobs for us.


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202,981 I hope we bomb Iran.


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202,980 I accepted an internship for the summer, now I'm finding there is no way I can afford to live here. The rents are shocking. I'm looking at sleeping in my car and bathing in a gym everyday. The things we do to get started in a career....


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202,979 I organized a group outing. Four friends going away for a day trip. A little sight seeing. A nice lunch. Good conversation.

I made all the arrangements. I planned the route. I invited the friends and arranged the timing.

The morning of, they all came to my house. We get in the car.... and there is an extra person. Bob is there. I hate Bob. We all hate Bob. Why is Bob in my car?

I say, "Oh, Bob, you are here..."

He says, yes, he heard about out little adventure and he thought he'd come along.

This is where I hate myself. Instead of being firm and putting my foot down and asking, nay, telling him to get the fudge out of my car, instead of doing any of that, I smiled and said, "Oh how nice. It will be a fun trip."

I hate Bob. I hate me more.


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202,978 Me: I don't want to talk about it right now, kids are in the next room. Stop. Please leave.
Them: No, I'm not leaving.
Me: Seems like whenever I mention 'person' you get triggered.
Them: (angry tears) I'm done, we're done, now I don't want to talk. Good luck with the kids & paying all the bills on your own. (Storms out).
This time you didn't call me a piece of shit


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202,977 I don't like going out and socializing. I'm happier staying home and watching Star Trek.


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202,976 Woo-hoo! I got an extra slice of turkey in my cheese and cracker snack. Sometimes it's the littlest things that make me happy.


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202,975 I can't drive with my wife in the car. She's unbelievable. She tells me what lane to be. She tells me when the car in front of me brakes, even if he is 200 yards in front of me. She tells me the exact speed setting for the wipers. She tells me what cars to pass. She tells me when to beep my horn. But if I beep without her permission she tells me I have road rage. There are times I've been tempted to pull over on the side of the highway and walk away into the woods. It would be satisfying. I'd show up at home a few days later covering in mud and brambles. Sleeping with the bears would be better than listening to her berate me non-stop about driving. Just so you know, I have never been in an accident. I have even gotten a ticket. She's been in four accidents and I don't even know how many tickets she's gotten because she hides the evidence from me. Yet she's telling me how to drive.


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202,974 I saw the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. What a mess. There was a random fat chick who is featured for several photographs, a woman in a birkini, again for several photographs, some black girl who had vitiligo and looked like a Dalmatian. I have nothing wrong with being inclusive and respecting other versions of beauty, but come on can you just let us put some hot chicks in Sports Illustrated and let us men have our fantasies


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202,973 I saw the latest Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. What a mess. There was a random fat chick who is featured for several photographs,, a woman in a again for several photographs, some black girl who had vitiligo and looked like a Dalmatian. I have nothing wrong with being inclusive and respecting other versions of beauty, but come on can you just let us put some hot chicks in Sports Illustrated and let us men have our fantasies.


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202,972 Where I live there are some blocks you can't see in the street view of Google maps. This place has lots of dignitaries. I'm thinking someone important with lots of political influence was able to get their entire block removed from Google maps. Now that is power!


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202,971 I'm taking a trip to Texas with a few other people. I hate Texas. I don't want to go but I feel I must. Guaranteed I'll be in a bad mood.


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202,970 I keep waiting for you to knock on my door, please don't keep me waiting any longer.
I know you want to, I want you to do it too, so what is keeping you?


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202,969 Talking about who molested me has made me happier and more courageous.


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202,968 I hate when friends ask me for money. I always say yes. I don't want to though. A few people have paid me back. Most never do.


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202,967 I'm over 50 and still get acne. :(


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202,966 My wife's apologies couldn't be more insincere.


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202,965 Could you imagine if there was a bird who was afraid of heights?

That's kind of who I am.


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202,964 California, where straws are banned but heroine filled syringes are handed out like lollipops.


likes: 1
comments: 1
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202,963 Tonight my daughter is going to the prom. I can tell she's both excited and scared. She's never been on a date before. She's a studious sort. But a boy in her calculus class asked her. Nerd meets nerd. Perfect.

There's a problem though. My wife promised to be here. My wife has spent very little time with our kids. We're not divorced or anything. My wife lives here. But my wife lives for herself, no one else. She basically goes out all the time. She never helps with dinner or homework or generally being a mother. Today she's on an outing with her gym rat friends. I reminded her all week about the prom and how our daughter will need her help getting ready. My wife said no problem. She would be gone from 7 in the morning until noon. She said she'd be back in plenty of time to help.

It's now after 2 o'clock. There is a pre-prom picture taking event starting at 4 o'clock. My daughter wanted so badly to dress up like a lady. She wanted her nails done and her hair and her makeup. My wife said she'd be here at noon to do all these things. I just checked on find my iphone. My wife is two hours away at a hotel. I'll assume for the moment the gym event has something to do with the hotel....

Anyway, she is not here and there is no way she'll be here by the time our daughter leaves. So here I am for the past few hours taking care of my daughter. I applied nail polish. Oh boy is that tricky. Respect to all women everywhere. Then I got out the curling iron and bluffed my way through using it. On the makeup I am completely lost. I was thinking of asking the lovely mom and mother of two college girls living next door if they might be able to come over and help. But no, my daughter said it's okay. She said I was doing a fine job with everything. I could tell she was being brave and holding back tears. I sort of was too.

I'm taking a break for a few minutes while she's in the shower. "Don't get your hair wet!" I warned her. Maybe I am getting the hang of this!

Then she puts on the dress, a little makeup, and it's off to the prom. He's picking her up at 3:30. This really translates to his mother driving. LOL.

My girl, she's growing up right before my eyes. It makes me smile. I'm so proud of her. Even without her mother's help, we done good today, we done good.



likes: 3
comments: 6

202,962 Some women are saying they will be moving out of Alabama.

Why? Because you were planning on sleeping around and having lots of abortions?

Yeah, well, okay then. Move. Somehow we'll make do without all you sluts.


likes: 0
comments: 3
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202,961 Cowards always attack from behind.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,960 I just want the divorce papers.
You're engaged to someone else,
Got a whole new family growing already.

Just gimme the papers.


likes: 0
comments: 1

202,959 Once again I've found another reason to never eat at Burger King. They've seem to spend more time focused on politics, than on making a good meal.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,958 There's a reason why some dogs end up in a shelter. They are bad dogs. They are annoying or biters or unable to be house trained. That's why the owner gave the dog up. I learned this lesson the hard way. Everyone told me to get a shelter dog. By three days later it was obvious the dog was a disaster. Hate to say this, but I advise you do not ever get a dog from a shelter.


likes: 0
comments: 3

202,957 I have finally figured out that I am in an abusive relationship. Not all abuse is physical.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,956 She's mad at me because the chemo makes me tired and I don't have the strength to drive to her sister's today.


likes: 0
comments: 2

202,955 I was lying on my back and she put one hand around my cock, and then her other hand around my cock, just above her first hand. The head of my cock was easily peeking over the top of her hands. That is when I finally figured out I have a nice-sized cock.


likes: 0
comments: 2

202,954 I wish I could be in a club listening to Edm and doing mad bumps of cocaine .... everyone minding their business...


likes: 1
comments: 1

202,953 I never thought I would complain about a blowjob. But my wife gave me such an unenthusiastic one last night that I think it may have been the worst I've ever gotten. I had to grab her head and take over myself.


likes: 0
comments: 1

202,952 I'm sad I didn't stick around to see just how far your spiral of destruction went, I bet the bottom was an epic moment.
Some times people just need to let go and move on before the final act plays out


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,951 I’m bitter I don’t come from an established family.  My friends have kids who have trusts. Their kids are able to travel the world, pursue their passions, etc.  I just slave away, day after day,l, in corporate America.  I’m resentful my lineage isn’t more established and I was afforded the same opportunities.  


likes: 0
comments: 2

202,948 I’m 40 and I’ve yet to achieve any of my dreams or accomplish any of my goals....
Yet I remain steadily optimistic that I will.
I hope I never lose this feeling.


likes: 3
comments: 0

202,946 where is Maura Murray?come on it's got to be some type of tip or break in this we need answer


likes: 1
comments: 1

202,945 I'm still waiting for closure


likes: 2
comments: 5

202,944 I've never said it but I want to be a mother very badly. I pray for the opportunity to be a mother all the time I'm 31.i want to be unconditionally loved like all of my friends are by their children. however I dont want to just become a mans baby mother. I still want a chance at love to have a husband and a child a real family.because it's only right to try and give a kid that foundation also I didnt have it lord please bless me.  j


likes: 2
comments: 3

202,943 Please answer, Women say its not size, but the motion of the ocean,What exactly does this mean, does he try to rub the penis on the "G" spot and maybe go balls to the wall and grind on the clit. Other than that what else can he do ? Asking for a friend ha ha


likes: 0
comments: 4

202,942 Time to change jobs.  I'm exhausted and about to lose it.


likes: 2
comments: 1

202,941 I don’t think you realize how close I was quitting working for you yesterday.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,940 I'm glad I waited to forgive!

Now there's no need for an embarrassing reversal.

;)


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,939 It seems so strange to me that Americans have such an aversion to bidets.  When people are looking at houses to buy and there's a bidet in the bathroom, the thing they invariably say is "that'll have to go."  Why?  I would think that anyone would enjoy the confidence of knowing they are clean after a brief splash with the bidet.  What's wrong about that?  You go to the bathroom, then turn a little knob, quick splash and voila!  Clean and fresh.  I cannot imagine my home without bidets in every bathroom.  


likes: 4
comments: 10

202,938 I made the right decision.

Now I feel much better.

Thanks, Everyone!


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,936 You are not being smart.


likes: 1

202,935 Emily Ratajkowski, a model I've never heard of, posed naked to protest Alabama's new abortion law. How exactly does that work? She is upset that women who are raped can't get abortions, so to show her discontent, she takes off all her clothes.

Like what happens if she is at a restaurant and she doesn't like the salad? Does she take her blouse off?

What if someone bumps into her on the sidewalk? Will she removed her pants?

I don't get her logic, but if ever I meet her I'll be sure to piss her off...just to get a free glimpse of her body.


likes: 6
comments: 2
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202,934 I keep my jewelry hidden in my freezer. No burglar would think to look there. Then I was watching a rerun of Perry Mason. The old lady kept her jewelry hidden in her freezer. Urrr. Guess I'll need a new hiding place. But maybe I'll watch a few more episodes of Perry Mason first to see what else I shouldn't choose.


likes: 2
comments: 4

202,933 I come from the big city where we'd head out to dinner at 10 pm. Many nights, if drinking was involved :)  we'd return home at sun up.

I moved to the burbs where restaurants won't serve after 8 pm. By 9 pm the streets are empty because everyone is home in bed.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!


likes: 2
comments: 2

202,932 Yahoo needs to tweak their algorithm. You know how you get ads for things you search for? For the past few weeks I've been getting ads for leak proof period panties.

m56


likes: 1
comments: 4

202,931 More and more, when I'm driving, I have visions of being in a terrible accident.


likes: 1
comments: 1

202,930 Being gay is awkward.


likes: 2
comments: 2

202,929 I fantasize about ways to kill myself, while making it look like my wife did it.


likes: 1
comments: 4

202,928 I have a lady friend looking to buy herself a condo. She asked me to come along to give my opinion. She has a son who recently graduated from college. He also came along with his girlfriend. We looked at three places. In the last one, there was mold in the shower stall. We've all seen this. The grout turns a little dark in places and you can smell a mildew odor. I said the tiles should be regrouted. It's not hard to do. It will take a day.

The son and his girlfriend though, they saw the tiles and immediately shout out "Black mold! Black mold. Cover you mouths. Let's get out of here!" They then fled the apartment while pulling sweaters over their faces.

I see the posts complaining about this new generation. I've never encountered them though until this condo hunting trip. Is this what they are all like?


likes: 1
comments: 10

202,927 These young bucks come into my industry and start mispronouncing the words. There have been times they've told me it's my problem, that I'm mispronouncing the words. Holy shit, the arrogance of these jerkoffs!


likes: 1
comments: 0

202,926 You lied. It's a one shot deal with me. You lie, you are gone from my life forever. Thems my rules. It's the end of the road for you. Stop trying to reconnect. It's pitiful.


likes: 2
comments: 0

202,925 There's a story in the news today about a mother who walked into a high school classroom and told the students to stop bullying her daughter. There is outrage... because the mother spoke up.

Where's the outrage that the student was being bullied? Where's the concern that the daughter has mentioned suicide?

No. White parents are complaining the black women was in the classroom.

I am 100% in favor or what the mother did. As she said, she went into Momma Bear mode to protect her daughter. Shame on the administration and other parents at that school for not trying to help the black mother end the bullying!

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/mom-banned-school-threatening-daughters-alleged-bullies-ill-f-115259918.html


likes: 6
comments: 3

202,924 Are there men that exist that don’t fuck hookers a few eeeks after you give birth to their child?
And again later?
Where are these men.



likes: 2
comments: 11

202,923 Everything my husband talks about has to do with something he saw or read on Reddit, Game of Thrones, or Avengers. He has no hobbies, no interests, and no original thoughts. It’s like talking to a kid who is obsessed with Fortnite or Minecraft. I feel myself tense up every time I hear, “So there’s this part in Game of Thrones/Avengers where...” and then proceeds to tell a 5 minute story, usually as I’m trying to focus on something else. Honey, I love you, but I absolutely give no fucks. Please get a life.


likes: 1
comments: 2

202,922 We haven't ever had the septic pumped out. We've lived here 14 years. I think you're supposed to do it every three years.


likes: 1
comments: 3

202,921 At summer camp I was the only one who refused to jump off the cliff into the lake. I still feel like a loser. :(


likes: 1
comments: 12

202,920 They hired a new boss. The moment I first saw him I knew he was an alcoholic. He had a puffy face and rosy cheeks. He would lean back in his chair and just smile a happy smile. I think he might have been drunk even at that first meeting.

Well lookie here, it's now a few months later and he has been put on leave. We're told it is a "personal matter". Truth is they sent him to rehab. Funny they didn't realize when they first interviewed him for the job. You know how I knew? Because I've been there done that. I can always spot one of my own kind.


likes: 7
comments: 0

202,919 High school teacher here. There are 27 days of school left- not counting holidays and weekends. Your children are falling my class, which is a core subject. Now you want to meet with me before or after school or during my lunch, you want me to send homework home with special notes or in Spanish ( I neither teach Spanish nor speak it), you want me to extend papers deadline which will result in missing grades submission deadline for me. Where the fuck were you the whole school year? I called home, wrote referrals, spoke to counselors about your kids. You ignored me and now when your child is failing I have to do even more work? Fuck off, seriously. I do my job well, you're failing as a parent! Do not expect me to do anything extra for your child at this point!


likes: 5
comments: 3

202,918 My wife gets together for dinner with two particular friends every few months. The friends are both divorced from their husbands. Before my wife goes out, she will be in a good mood. She is warm and happy. But when she returns home, she is bitter and cold. She wants nothing to do with me. She won't talk. She seems fed up with me. Even though I haven't done anything. This mood will last for a few days. I am not an overbearing husband. But I'm thinking of telling her this is unfair to me and she needs to stop seeing those friends.


likes: 1
comments: 6

202,917 You want less stress in your life? Just assume everything the media says is a lie. All of it. Because in fact, of all the big drama they created in the last three years, nothing - I repeat - NOTHING turned out to be true.


likes: 8
comments: 5
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202,916 I'm friends with foreigners because it is easier. Everything is new and different to them. They don't realize I'm kind of weird for a white American.


likes: 8
comments: 0

202,914 I'd leave him in a heartbeat if I had another option. But I don't, so I stay.


likes: 0
comments: 1

202,913 New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio announced he is running for President. Wow. Now I've seen it all. I've lived in NYC since the 1970s. de Blasio has to be the the most disliked mayor of all time. And he thinks it's a good idea to run for President? It goes to my theory that politicians make ego driven decisions, instead of rational decisions.


likes: 1
comments: 3

202,912 I don’t believe in karma- I know lots of rotten people who everything they touch turns to gold. I know a lot of good people who work hard and always seem to suffer the worst. Who knows. Life is unfair.


likes: 4
comments: 0

202,911 I am a sad shadow of what I used to be. Gonna turn 59 in a couple weeks. Gray hair. Joints hurt. 20 years ago I could squat over 500 pounds for reps.

Now I am old and disgusting. Weak. Should have died before this happened.

I have no idea why people want to live to be elderly.


likes: 1
comments: 5

202,910 Hubby was fired again today. I think that's the 5th time in seven years. Here we go again.... anxiety about paying the bills, endless job interviews, bitter arguments. I can't keep doing this.


likes: 1
comments: 6

202,909 My husband hasn't sincerely listened to how my day went probably in the last 6 months. When he asks how my day was in the middle of me telling him he nterrupts to tell me more about his day and what's going on at his job. I wouldn't be so aggravated about this except he's the kind of person who then complains that I don't communicate enough when I'm upset. How do you speak to someone who's such a narcissist that you can't get two words in?


likes: 0
comments: 3

202,907 This may solve the dick size question,  can you feel all the length when it is inside you, or just the first 3 or 4 inches ?



likes: 1
comments: 6

202,906 I going to eat nothing but fruits and veggies for a month. I want to feel healthier.


likes: 3
comments: 1

202,905 Here's a secret. Before you pick a fight with a stranger, you should first figure out who the stranger is.


likes: 1
comments: 7

202,902 Bringing your car to the dealership for a simple fix will cost at least twice as much, compared to going to a local mechanic.


likes: 3
comments: 6

202,901 It's been a few months. I need to stick my cock in an ass again. I don't care if the recipient of my cum is male or female.


likes: 1
comments: 1

202,900 There's a woman I know. She's bitchy and condescending in my opinion. She comes across like she knows everything and no one should question her. When someone does question her judgment, out comes the condescension. I don't like her. She doesn't strike me as a good person.

Enter karma. Yay!

Her father remarried and in his will he made sure to take care of his new wife. He owned some rental properties. The will stated that the income from those properties should go to the new wife. Then upon her death, they daughter would receive the rental income. Seemed pretty fair. The new wife was old. She wouldn't live forever. So he made sure she had some income for the next few years until she too passed.

But the daughter would have none of this. She didn't want the old lady step mother to get any of the rental income. She sued and contested the will.

But there is a clause in the will saying if anyone sues and contests the will, then they lose everything. So the judge ruled the daughter violated the clause and loses her right to anything, meaning she will no longer receive the rental income when her step mother passes away. Her obnoxiously suing cost her what I imagine is about $100k in free yearly income for life.

I have to laugh. I think the daughter got exactly what she deserved - nothing. Sometimes the system works and bad people get smacked down hard. Yes!


likes: 4
comments: 4
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202,899 WOMEN: Women enjoy sex too.
MEN: In my experience, no they don't.
WOMEN: I don't think you're making the point you think you're making.


likes: 8
comments: 6

202,898 I smoke because I want to hurry up and die.  I tell my husband I am trying to quit, but invariably he does something that makes me question everything in my life and our future.  I love him too much to leave, so I smoke.  


likes: 2
comments: 1

202,897 I'm a guy, and... do guys actually send random women dick pics on the internet?  Do they think this will somehow turn them on?

I've sent dick pics before, but only to women I've been heavily flirting with, or to women who I know well enough to find it funny.  Because sometimes a dick between adults is funny.

I was texting a female friend and we were talking about dicks.  I told her I was going to send one of mine.  It was completely flaccid.  I thought she would laugh, but instead she said, "Holy shit that it huge and it's not even up!"  I must admit it was an unexpectedly proud moment.  I sent another one of my dick at completely full mast to another female friend, and she was so impressed she made it the background on her phone.  Yes, a dick pic can be funny.

But sending a dick pic to a random woman thinking it'll turn them on?  I can't see that ever working.


likes: 3
comments: 12

202,896 Yeah, you’re fucking her. Or wishing you were.  Sad.


likes: 1

202,895 God dammit I just created a folder in my inbox for my mom like I did for my dad - and he's gone.  This fucking SUCKS.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,894 I got my first job when I was 12. I delivered newspapers. I'm now 62. I'm still working. 50 years. God am I tired. Is this really the point of life? To work work work until we die?


likes: 3
comments: 10

202,893 Dear overly talkative coworker who sits next to me,

It's annoying enough that you go on and on about nothing all day. But today you took it to a new level when you stayed at your desk to call a doctor's office about your abnormal menstrual flow. Do you think ANYONE else wants to hear about that? Would it have been so difficult to go to your car to make that call?


likes: 1
comments: 0

202,892 Alabama Senate just passed a near total ban on abortion. I love Alabama. I think I'll make a vacation trip to Alabama. Spend some money, eat some good food. They deserve the economic boost.


likes: 2
comments: 35
flagged

202,890 I am really missing you.  Just wish I could a finger on why we can stayed connected and why I instinctively want to just disappear.


likes: 0
comments: 5

202,889 What is the Salty discharge?
Oh my god you’re crying.
This is horrible. I care.


likes: 8

202,888 My husband has smoked as long as we have been together; 20 plus years and I was fine with that (I don’t smoke weed myself) but recently he had to stop for job reasons and my life has been horrible ever since. Keep it up asshole and I am out of here- I never knew behind the mask was such a miserable, hateful, cruel dick.


likes: 0
comments: 5

202,887 Missing you today. Let’s be real, I miss you most days. I only wish I could tell you.


likes: 2
comments: 3

202,886 It shouldn't be a secret but it is amazing how powerful being friendly and having a smile is.  I read story after bad customer story of horrible people and how the nice person often gets the 'deal' the angry customer didn't.  I was horrified to hear how my colleagues talk to our admin.  Ugh.

I'm not nice for stuff but for the hope that the world becomes a bit nicer.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,885 you. you light up my life.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,884 15,000 people live here. 87 showed up to vote on the budget. People don't care anymore about anything.


likes: 2
comments: 0

202,883 so what is this bs you keep acting about,your nice ,charming and helpful.you make me laugh you make me feel alive.but days later you always switch it up when we are doing great .at work when you see me you ignore me sometimes  ..or constantly stand to where you dont see me at all. you text me when you want then sometimes you want even respond. I'm so confused then the next week you text me compliment me then get balls deep in me. I let you everytime even if you want me to stay over. then your ass will switch back and will drive past like you dont see me what's the deal stop hurting me


likes: 1
comments: 3

202,882 This makes me so sad. A man was out in his boat the other day when he suddenly realized there was a raccoon onboard. He forced the animal into the ocean. This was 20 miles offshore. In other words, the animal surely drowned. There must have been a better way to handle this situation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9WgZBRkuUQ


likes: 3
comments: 2

202,881 My wife's sister is a competitive female body builder. She can bench press more than me.You'd be shocked to see her from behind. Her shoulders are massive. I don't say this to be mean, but as you might imagine, she is not very feminine. She kind of scares me a little. I wish her the best in her competitions, but on a personal level I keep my distance.


likes: 1
comments: 0

202,880 You've got to be kidding me!!!!! Rrrrrrrrrr! I have a friend who calls me once a week. I dread when she calls. She talks waaaaaaay too much. I can't get a word in. Her mouth never stops moving. The call will last an hour before she finally runs out of breath and I can get off the line. In all that time I manage to say 20 words. So get this. A mutual friend called me and said the talker is complaining how I am shy and don't say much on the phone. Are you friggin kidding me! She never lets me speak! Even when I do sense a pause and start to say something she cuts me off. She's infuriating. She dares to complain about me being shy???? Next time she calls I'm hanging up on her. What the hell is her problem!


likes: 3
comments: 1

202,879 A few years ago the state passed a law saying certain dangerous chemicals could not be in a high school chem lab. These included carcinogens, deadly poisons, and explosive materials. An inspector then came to each school to check that we had disposed of the dangerous materials.

But before the inspector showed up, a number of the chemicals on the list were hidden in a different location. They are really handy and fun chemicals to have for labs. Kids like to see things explode! The ammonium nitrate is in the back of the coat closet in the teachers lounge. LOL.


likes: 5
comments: 0

202,878 Unexpected day at home alone. Kids due home in 15 minutes. Turned on the porn channel at 9. Got out of bed at 3 But I made myself cum nine times. Guess I needed that!


likes: 2
comments: 0

202,875 I maybe, possibly, slightly wish I didn't lie so much to my ex-husband. Then we might still be married. I miss him.


likes: 2
comments: 5

202,874 I live in a fancy pants town. Many rich people here. (I'm not one of them.) Today, for the umpteenth time, one of my neighbors was convicted of fraud. He's been stealing money. I'm beginning to wonder if any rich people make money legitimately, or do they all steal to get their wealth.


likes: 1
comments: 2

202,873 I’ve hit the breaking point. If one more thing goes wrong, I might have to take my own life.


likes: 1
comments: 1

202,872 The most productive thing my sister in law does all week is post pictures of random animals on facebook.


likes: 2
comments: 0

202,871 I ate out my wife this morning.  I love doing it.  I love when she shakes and cums on my lips like she did. For some reason she doesn’t usually let me do it.  I wonder why.


likes: 1
comments: 4

202,870 High school lovers and it's been 30 some years now and we re-connect on social media.  Meeting up later this week on Friday and Saturday and her emails to me say "who knows what will happen" and  then in a 2nd one "be ready".



likes: 0
comments: 5

202,869 Here I sit. 4 am and wide awake. another sleepless night.
Well, not completely sleepless. I got my normal 2 1/2 hours sleep.
I've been to two different sleep clinics. I am an insomniac.
Not sleep apnea. Because the doctors over prescribed half the country over the past decade. They have to take my 10mg Ambien away.
I have taken one Ambien a night for years. I never took more than one a night, never asked for any more than one a night. Yet my Dr cannot prescribe any more because of company policy.
I broke my back 2 years ago and would not take the oxycodone they prescribed me. I didn't even fill the script.
I am not some junkie just looking to get high. I just want to sleep five hours a night.
My secret is I found a place to buy Ambien on the street.
I guess you could say that my Dr made a criminal out of me.
Thanks Doc, you and your corporate monkeys can kiss my ass.


likes: 1
comments: 3

202,867 I posted earlier about my beloved cousin who passed recently from cancer. The past few nights have been unbearable. I see her in my dreams. One was particularly awful. Her sister and I were sitting at a table talking. I look to my right and there my cousin is, laughing and chatting and happy as she was until the end. She projected warmth and happiness.. And all my stupid ass could do was scream in terror and back away in fear. Here she was, happy to see me, and all I could do to return her love was to scream. I know it’s just a dream, but I’m ashamed.

I love you so much, A. There’s a hole in my heart now that you are gone. I cry and cry. It still feels unbearable. Wherever it is that beautiful souls like yours go when they cross to the other side of the veil, I hope that you are happy and at peace. I hope your pain is gone, and I’m sorry that I’m not holding up as well as I wanted to be able to...


likes: 0
comments: 4

202,866 Game on that's cool!

Onward and upward.

...

People from the past should bug off though! Nobody here wants anything from you. Disgusting and Stalkerish!


likes: 0

202,865 I'm done complaining for awhile. It's not productive. I mean, at first I tried to do too much with positive energy and words and lies. Now I do too much with negative energy and words and truth. None of it effects the problem. And bitch, if you're still out there, I will nevah be your nigger. But, I tried.


likes: 0
comments: 0

202,864 I hate the taste of alcohol but I drink everyday.


likes: 1
comments: 0

202,863 My neighbor is about 50. Her husband died a few months ago. She seems very happy. It's strange. She's bubbly and energetic. I don't think it's an act to mask her grief. She's downright gleeful.


likes: 1
comments: 4

202,862 I finally figured out how to use my new Batman knife. Criminals beware!


likes: 3
comments: 4

202,861 I pressure girls into having sex. I can tell when they don't want it. I make them feel like they are too uptight and no fun. They usually give in and we have sex. I feel disgusted with myself afterwards because I do this to women I don't even like. I just wanted to see if I could get them to give in.


likes: 0
comments: 5

202,860 Accidentally leaving a baby in a hot car is only a crime if you are poor. Rich people don't go to jail for this.


likes: 2
comments: 2

202,859 My life is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I hurt so much...


likes: 2
comments: 3

202,858 I have two female coworkers who I believe may be mentally unstable.


likes: 1
comments: 4

202,857 When i don't call you on the 15th to say happy anniversary it's not because i HATE YOU. It's because i need to move on from these games and so do you.
Do you think you can badmouth me to EVERYBODY(!!!!!) and think i would be fine with it forever?????
Forever??? Like, I'll keep lining up to give my emotional pound of flesh every time, for the rest of my life??
Really dude? Move on with your f-ing life and I'll move on with mine.
Oh and by the way; it isn't like i haven't given you THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS over the past few years to help with the bills. But you still like to play the narrative like you're broke and abandoned and no one tries to help you. Just go and live your life already.
And stop trying to send me messages thru this website. Just live your life as I LIVE MINE!!!!!!


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202,856 I was originally going to get my tubes tied, but then I realized I was too much of a weenie to go through with surgery. I don’t want kids ever, so I went with the copper IUD instead which I thought would be much easier than recovering from surgery. I was deeply mistaken. They downplay how painful it is! The insertion is very painful. The cramps are very painful. The surprise heavy period I got is very painful. Turns out IUDs are not for weenies either :(


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202,855 I’m going neither up nor down. It’s effecting my happiness constantly.


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202,854 If I was dating a guy and he said, "I'm going to take a shit,"  I would no longer be dating him.


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202,853 Noone is allowed to have any needs get met but you. You're such a continual negative influence, all I can do when you're around is yearn for a little positive stimulation. And you absolutely don't give a shit, you're so locked into your selfishness you will never do or say anything good, reassuring or pleasurable for anyone else. Trying to support your is ego death.


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202,852 My wife decided to make dinner tonight. We cringe when she makes dinner. She is so ill equipped to make dinner. It takes her forever to cook something simple, because mostly she spends her kitchen time watching TV and chatting on the phone. Lucky she only attempts dinner once every few months when her maternal guilt builds to a breaking point.

Tonight she decided to make us baked potatoes. She found the bag of potatoes I bought. She decided to serve them with bacon and sour cream. Sounded good. But she had to call a friend first. That's kind of the point of her offering to make dinner - so she can call friends and slip it into the conversation what a good mother she is for cooking dinner. By half an hour later she was still on the phone. I came in and pointed to the clock. She muzzled the phone and said she'd be a while, so she asked if I could pre-heat the oven and put the potatoes in. Okay, fine. I did it and set the timer for 45 minutes. When the timer went off, she was still on the phone, although with a different person. OK, I took the potatoes out. I then looked in the refrigerator for sour cream and bacon. There was none of those things. It didn't occur to her to check before deciding on the meal. A few minutes later she hung up with one friend and was about to call another. I took the opportunity to point out there was no bacon or sour cream. She got angry. She said I could have gone out to the store while she was on the phone. I told her yes I could have, but seeing that I bought and cooked the potatoes, if I also bought the toppings, then it would be me making dinner yet again, not her.

This really got her steamed - which was her cue to move to the privacy of the bedroom so she could call a friend and complain how I blew dinner. I then went to the store. I bought sour cream, bacon, and some cheddar cheese. I came home, sliced open the potatoes, topped them, and called the kids in for dinner. Deja vu. This is what I do every night. My wife "cooking" seemed an awful lot like I just cooked dinner again. And so it goes....


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202,851 The Patriots owner alleged to be involved with the massage sex scandal, just had the video evidence thrown out. Of course he did. He's rich. If this was you or me, we'd be busted and go to jail.

This has to stop. Laws need to apply equally to all of us or soon enough there will be a rebellion.


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202,850 It's like the birds fail to sing and the sun refuses to rise when you are here. All you have to do to wreck my life is stay in it.


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202,849 Just to point this out, if someone asks a general question on a town forum, and you don't know the answer, you don't have to respond and say "I don't know."

Case in point, if someone is asking how late the library is open on Friday nights, it really doesn't help anyone if you respond and say you don't know.  Kind of wastes everyone's time.

All it really tells us is that you are dumb and you seek attention.


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202,848 Masturbation doesn't feel good anymore. Goo comes out, but without the euphoric feelings. I keep doing it hoping this will change and revert back to the way it was, but it's been about a year now and nothing, no happy feeling anymore. It's depressing to know sex is over for me.


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202,847 I know your relentless emotional abuse was really just a side effect of your personality disorder, and you were primarily acting it all out on an unconscious level. You tore me down a little more each day, but I don't know how much to blame you.


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202,846 Not kidding: It occurred to me the other day that Game of Thrones and Hunger Games are two different things. I think. Seriously I do not know.
This is what not having television and not following the herd can do to a person.
May sound sanctimonious but still it is my secret





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202,845 A young man in my town died recently from a heroin overdose. The man's parents are arguing the town and the state and the federal government must spend more money to prevent this from happening?

Why? Why is it ultimately my responsibility to prevent their drug addict son from choosing to get hooked on heroin? It has nothing to do with me. Tax money should not be wasted on this effort. If the parents don't want to lose their son, be better parents. Leave the rest of us out of it.


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202,844 The kids made a mother's day tart. Creamy filling with raspberries and blueberries on top. It looked delicious and delightful.

My wife took one glance at it and said, "I don't want a dumb cake. Whose fucking idea was that? It's stupid. You didn't get me any real presents?"

Then she stormed off and sulked in her bedroom for the rest of the evening.

I'll say it. She's a bitch and awful mother.


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202,843 I don't think the new Georgia abortion bill is right but this whole Alyssa Milano sex strike is ridiculous. I'm not going to fuck my husband (which I love doing) because old rich white men in the south want to control women? We don't even live around there. That makes no sense.


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202,842 Someone always has a bigger boat, a bigger house, a fancier car. Stop chasing the impossible.


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202,841 I had sex with my ex last night. I know 100% that things will never work out between us, but his dick is the biggest I've ever had. He's such an animal when we fuck that even if I fuck someone else i feel unsatisfied until he fucks me again. And it takes months in between, but i always get horny, break down and call him. And he always comes


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202,840 An 88 cent can of soup for lunch because that's what being poor is all about.


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202,839 Having a dog makes you a pet owner, not a “fur mom.” Do not wish yourself a happy Mother’s Day. Stop this fucking nonsense.


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202,838 Being 42 some things suck. You don’t think you’re old but sometimes parts of your body hurt for no reason.  Also you can’t always get hard or as hard as you used to.  And if you do get hard and rub it on your wife’s ass while she’s sleeping she gets mad instead of turned on.  I miss being a teenager


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202,837 Reciprocity Approaches.


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202,836 I got my pregnant daughter a gift for her fist mothers day. She got me nothing!



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202,834 My 21 year old daughter treats me like crap. She's pregnant and I secretly hope her child someday treats her the way she treats me and I hope that might finally make her understand. I guess that makes me a terrible person!


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202,833 He gets mad when I double dip in the salsa because he doen't want my germs. But I have sucked his cock hundreds of times...


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202,832 Every Mother’s Day I take my Mom and sister for a nice brunch.  Then I go home, pour myself a fat glass of wine, and feel even more relieved that I had an abortion 25 years ago.


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202,831 Our lease is up next month. She doesn't realize, but so is our relationship. I'm moving out. She can renew the lease if she wants, but I won't be on it. I know she can't afford it without me. She'll have to find a new place on her own. So be it. Not my worry. I walk away with my head held high. She can't do the same.


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202,830 Just because it doesn't work for you,
Doesn't mean it won't work for somebody else.

^_^


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202,829 I'm reminded of this from a secret below.

I used to work summers on jobsites. The law required a port-a-pot onsite. We never used it. The boss man told us to never use it. He has to pay $300 to have it cleaned every month if we used it. So we went in the backyard to save the job money.

So know this, if you buy a nice new house, a dozen guys have been peeing in your back yard for the past year.


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202,828 Young men with long beards, as is the current fashion, look silly.


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202,827 I think I made a mistake.  It’s raining out and my son was wearing shorts and has a cold.  We went to the grocery store.  I didn’t want him to walk in the rain so I waited for the perfect spot in front of the store.  I watched a family load their groceries and get their kids in their car seats and return the cart to the front of the store.  Finally, they were ready to leave and I had my signal on ready to take their spot.  I’d probably been waiting 15 minutes.  A man drove in front of me, put his car in reverse, and took the spot.  I beeped.  He didn’t stop.  So I’m sitting there fuming and wondering how to handle this and set an example for my son.  I decided I’m going to be assertive and walk up to the man and explain that I was waiting for that spot.  Of course he knew I was waiting for it.  He just shrugged and walked into the store.  I felt so silly standing there in the rain trying to reason with someone so entitled.  I got back into the car and said to my son that we’ll just go to a different store (I didn’t want to run into that guy).  I’m usually not assertive and I let people cut me in line, etc.  Now I’m wondering if I set a BAD example for my son.  What if he confronts someone who happens to be a psycho and gets in a fight??!!


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202,826 I hate how my husband constantly watches what we spend. He's a scrooge with the money. Sometimes you need to live a little.


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202,825 I went to a restaurant with the kiddies. It's a fancy burger place which specializes in serving unusual meat in the burger. They have choices listed on the menu like buffalo, emu, elk and kangaroo.

I don't fancy killing and eating these more exotic animals. I'll just stick to beef thank you.

But making the situation so much worse, in the kiddie section of the menu they also list koala and panda. WTF? My daughter reads this and gets really upset. She doesn't want to eat a panda! Pandas are fun and cool. Everyone loves looking at a panda. Sick to put it on the menu, especially in the kiddie section!

I look more closely. Oh, the panda meat isn't being served. It's what the restaurant is calling a grilled cheese. And the koala is what they call macaroni and cheese. Better. But still. What a stupid thing for the restaurant to do. They serve exotic meats and they think it's a good idea to put cute animals on the kiddie menu giving the first impression they are slaughtering pandas in the kitchen. We won't be going there again for sure.


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202,824 I have a serious problem with this relatively new phenomenon of glamorizing specifically female obesity.  I understand body acceptance and certainly no one deserves to be discriminated against for some physical attribute. Ascetically this is not as issue for me. I personally find many overweight women attractive and prefer a voluptuous figure over skinny any day of the week. Given a compatible personality, even 100 extra pounds would not be a show-stopper for me if I was attracted to her overall look. That being said being overweight is ALWAYS UNHEALTHY. There is NO SUCH thing as a healthy overweight person, male or female. It’s true, an overweight person can be healthier than a certain skinny person, but it’s all relative. Being overweight makes you unhealthy and inherently more susceptible to disease and higher mortality rate. Stop trying to convince women that they can be healthy and overweight and that it’s not a choice after some point. Only a minuscule percentage of people have medical conditions outside of their control causing extreme weight gain. Especially these so called “healthy” young models. They simply eat too much. No one should hate themselves because what they are, but conversely no one should fool themselves believing something that isn’t true. Nothing in this world can ever be spoken about reasonably anymore. It’s all or nothing. We must now pretend that overweight  women should be considered sexy by everyone, rather than just some (completely in the eye of the beholder and that is a PERSONAL opinion), but that they are models of health. The latter is what I find ridiculous.


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202,822 Typical of my husband. Talks all week about making a big breakfast for me for mother’s day. He gets up at his usual time and makes breakfast....for himself. He hasn’t said Happy Mother’s Day (our kids are too young to know what day it is). No card. He’s completely forgotten it’s Mother’s Day.


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202,821 Out of the corner of my eye I'll see a bug crawling on me but when I turn to look more closely the bug is mysteriously gone.


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202,820 Mother's Day. Ug. One of the worst days of the year. My wife feels she can behave as badly as she wants. It's a horrible day for the rest of us. This year my daughter (12 years old) thought that instead of making breakfast for dear mom, we'd take her out. My daughter suggested ihop for pancakes. Sounded good to me. But when we told my wife, she threw a fit. She said it was a place trailer trash goes. She yelled angrily how cheap we are. She named a different restaurant and demanded we take her there. By this time my daughter was crying. My wife then menacingly told us we better have more things planned for today than just a stupid breakfast or there will be hell to pay. Welcome to Mother's Day at my house.


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202,819 My children: *making noise*

Me: “Be quiet. Dad is still sleeping. It’s Mother’s Day. We should let him sleep in.”

Child: “But... he’s not the Mother.”

Me: “Ironic, isn’t it?”


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202,818 Yesterday the brakes in my car went out.


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202,817 I was trying to pull out of a little restaurant strip mall into the street the other day when some guy in a beater car pulled up and parked directly in the way of the lot exit. I flashed my lights at him, then when he got his phone out, settled in, and didn't move, I gently beep-beeped at him a few times. He ignored me. I beep-beeped a little more.

Finally this dweeb put down his phone, got out of his beater (?!) and actually went up to me to explain why he couldn't back up 10 feet so I could get out of the lot:

"Hey. So this is totally a parking spot, okay? You need to back up and go out the other side of the lot."

"Um, no I don't, to do that I'd need to back up about 50 feet and then back up into one of the busiest streets in this city. Actually, you're blocking the exit, which is 15 feet away."

This slob (short, fat, wearing a big worn-out t-shirt and sweatpants with shot waist elastic slipping down under his muffin top) drew himself up and said: "I can tell you haven't lived in L.A. for very long if you don't know that this is a parking spot."

I replied: "Sir. I'm actually a second-generation L.A. native. It's obvious by the way that that the parking lot is slanted west and the way that the curb's cement is graded down to allow cars out into the street that there's an exit right there."

"You've never seen cars park there?"

"No, actually."

"You can't have been here very long if you don't realize that this is a parking spot!" he insisted.

I put my car in Park, hit the parking brake, got out, and went up to him. And I look pretty good in a little sundress and sandals, if I do say so myself. He looked a little intimidated.

"Sir. My parents were born in L.A. I was born in L.A. You flew here, I grew here. Don't come at me with your East Coast accent and your East Coast attitude and try to tell me how it's done in MY town. Just about everybody who moved here from somewhere else left because they don't want to deal with your kind of attitude, so don't bring it here, we don't want it. Would it be SO hard to just back up 10 feet and let me out?"

Finally it seemed to register with Fat Jerk that he was being a dick, so he got into his car and pulled back so I could get out. I paused, blocking him, got out, and said:

"You want to fit in here? Be a courteous driver. Also watch yourself, because everyone in this town dresses casual and you never know who you're talking to. Another thing? The hot girl in the cute little car ALWAYS has right of way, even when she doesn't, and in this case, I totally do. That clear, son?"

He didn't even answer, just stared at his phone.

"Thank you. Have a good one!"

Fucker. We may be a young city, but we have our own aristocracy. Think I'm going to let some sloppy-ass man-child busboy with a Lon Gyland accent talk down to me just because I'm a chick? Move here and work some back kitchen job for five years and you're the expert on the City of Angels, you knob?

You know those pumpjacks on Stocker between La Brea and La Cienega? You don't? Really?


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202,816 They didnt wish me a happy birthmothers day this year..


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202,815 My kiddo might become a famous songwriter someday. She can’t sing to save her life...but she improvises INSANELY beautiful lyrics. With structure. No training. 6yo...it’s freaking insane.


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202,814 I used to kind of worry about smoking marijuana, but actually it seems to work better than xanax or any anti anxiety that I've tried


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202,813 I think Crohn's is the latest trendy fake disease. Suddenly everyone says they have it. Conveniently it is another one of those ailments with fuzzy symptoms. My tummy hurts, must be Crohn's. Pity me. Give me sympathy. Give me attention.

What bullshit.


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202,812 I watch violent videos of people being jerks and a stranger beats the shit out of them. Then I walk on the sidewalk looking for jerks.


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202,811 I married a woman for her money. Didn't work.


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202,810 I miss the casual connections on Craigslist, great way to meet men for casual sex.
F47


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202,809 "I haven't eaten since I ate."

Thanks for clearing that up.


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202,808 I know a dude who hasn't been out of his house in 4 years. His wife enables this by working and bringing home food. I'd let the guy starve until he motivates himself to get the fuck out of the house.


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202,807 Loving the unlovable is an exercise in futility.


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202,806 I miss craigslist. I 'd go to the personal ads and jack off while reading the Men for Men section. I'm married. It's the closest I'll ever get to actually doing it with a guy.


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202,805 I used to get miffed when shitheads got away with things. But I've found that shitheads continue to be shitheads. If they get away with something now, no worries, they will get caught in the future.


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202,804 Plenty of People Love the Unlovable.




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202,803 Have you ever been to a nudist camp or beach and what was it like, was everyone gawking, getting erections, having sex or was  everyone minding there own business?  What was the weirdest thing you saw.


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202,802 Remember when the USA wasn't insane?


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202,801 I can't believe people spend $350 a month on cable and internet! This is more than the rent for my first apartment. People need to read more books. They are free.


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202,800 Each time i date a new woman i always contemplate sleeping with one of their relatives or friends. I never do. But there's always someone in their circle that (more than) flirts with me.
One of these times I might just go for it. Everybody else seems to make dumbfuck decisions. Maybe it's my turn to stop being a Good Guy.


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