Oh wow.  Tonight was just what I needed.

Just one foot in front of the other.  Day by day, just for today... it's all gravy, so long as I do what was shown.

I make it muddled.  I make it hard.  I make it personality war.  I make it crazy.  

Tonight, my heart thawed out, again, for the umpteenth time.  I heard what I needed to hear, I hugged who I needed to hug... it was a gift.  Ironically, the gift that keeps on giving, just so long as I'm willing to do what was shown for me to do.  A day at a time.

... and the wheel goes round.  Just stay on it, and enjoy the ride.  

Thanks God; for you, for them, for this zip code, for the roof, for the grub, for the job, for the car, for the clothing, for the endless opportunity so long as I stay tight with you.  Thank you.

Fear out, You in.  Fear out, You in.  Fear out, You in.

who am i ?  do u know me? i hope sooo cuz i dont even know who i am .. why do u follow me .. i dont want to lead ... u scare me because u are waaaay toooo intelligent than i am and it scares me and intimidates me get away from me i feel claustrophobic... are u stalking me? i have to ask cuz i feel stupid knowing... i want u but not like this ... ok so help me out cuz am just to dumb to do it alone.... p f/44

i love you. but im waiting for you to show me...

i'm falling for you.  i know you're the one for me...we're perfect =)

where are you omg it's driving me crazy how you can just disappear

i'm going to be 30 in a month and i'm scared i'm going to be alone forever.

I can't get it up anymore. Not even with viagra. Shotgun sandwich coming up. M 49

I will change your facebook password before i get home... i hope you beat me to the punch.

Here's the gag: Nothing we do matters. Cure cancer, bring world peace, whatever. Ya know why? 'Cause we're all gonna die! Then nothing you did matters because YOU'RE NOT THERE!!!!
Vincent Van Gogh never sold a painting in his life but in the '80's one of his "Sunflower" paintings sold for 24 million dollars! Didn't do Vinnie any good, did it? He was DEAD!!!! There is no heaven or hell. There's just death and it makes everything we do pointless.

sometimes when i say i love u, i don't mean it.  =\

fine bitch. be that way

My husband is 100% anti-census.  He believes deep down in his core of a being this is somehow big brother govt wanting to track us down and know our every movement to keep us their sheep.  He proudly exclaims that he has never filled out one of those 'things' his entire life and never will.  I explained til I'm blue in the face the govt needs to count the people to distribute money to the states.  Money our states need to finance all the things they do that you take for granted.  Fucking simpleton doesnt get it

In public, I make fun of people who listen to Coldplay. I call it smarmy, unimaginative pseudo-rock for soccer moms and starry-eyed teen girls.

Then I go home, play "Parachutes", and have a good cry.

M, 32

I Like You So Much, Cant You Just See This?, Boys Suck ! :/

Something tells me that ten years from now, you'll be sitting in a bar, hairline even more receded than it is now, holding a copy of the book I'm currently writing, proclaiming loudly, "I fucked this writer chick once! The guy in this is based on me!"  

And that's gonna be just about your only claim to fame.

You're being really mean right now. wtf happened to us. We used to be best friends.i feel like im next to a stranger; judging me and rolling their eyes at me now.

You said that we're family. You said we'd be buds forever. im startin to think tat you changed your mind..

*heavenly voices singing*
You just talked to me.
I'm sweating like a cow.

You break the law and then get mad at me for pointing it out to you. Love how that works. Enjoy prison. I'm hoping the big black guy with the giant cock serving a life sentence can put some sense into you... or put something into you...

Oh, God, I want her to love me again. She's supposed to be with me, not him, not carrying his child. It's wrong! My soul aches for her every single day.
(I'm a woman. Long distance sucks).

B,
You are the most attractive neighbor I've ever had the opportunity to sleep with.
I like you. You're Kinda hot. Lets be friends.
See you soon!

Hey there love,
You are bisexual, it's cool it's why I like you. I love how you pretend you aren't though. It's like our little secret that everyone else jokes about...I however know the truth. I must say however I am a little offended that during your "lesbian" days you were with her... I mean, why? I love you more than anyone now...and her? It should be us. It could be us. Stop being afraid baby, I got you. I think I shall not talk to you for awhile, see how long it takes for you to miss me this time. It'll be worth it all.
Loves

How did life get to be this gotdamn boring? I need some excitement. I need some razzmatazz. I need to see new places. I need some rough doggy style.

I'm more wierd than anyone would think. I like the sounds of an accordian, space traveling movies, the taste of lemons, and the smell of sheep wool. 32/F

I miss the summers of my childhood. I miss walking barefoot to the mini-mart and not worrying whether my heels would get rough. I miss roaming through the woods and fields near my home, following the creek through all its various scenery just for the pleasure of it. I miss sitting out on the porch in the evenings with the neighbors, talking and laughing and not caring what time it was or thinking about getting up for work in the morning. I miss falling asleep with my transistor radio between the pillow and my ear, listening to either the latest music or a ball game.
Now I go to work, come home to a neighborhood of people we never even see, bitch about the heat, and spend the evening in front of the TV. I feel like only when I retire will I be able to really enjoy the seasons again. Of course, by then Social Security will be a thing of the past and I'll be walking to the mini-mart because I won't be able to afford to drive.
What happened? When did life get to be such a grind? There's got to be more than this. If only I knew how to recapture it.

I need to have faith they we'll work out. If it doesn't then we're not meant to go beyond casual dating and eventually part as friends. I wish the thought of you actually having a second date with someone you met didn't make me feel this insecure..I actually cried over it. One month to go and I'll walk away with you or without you.

Say, wanna have some fun? Post a picture of yourself holding a sign with a secret on it. Don't want to show your face? That's okay. Feel free to be creative, show your fingers or toes or elbows. Racy is even okay. Just as long as it is a picture with a secret.

Come on give it a try. It would be fun.

See the help section for instructions on how to add a picture to a post.

Today I broke the heart of someone who broke mine two years ago.... It felt FABULOUS!!!!

You know Lauren, I could love a woman like you.  I could get angry with God for bringing another unavailable woman into my life.
But you are so wonderful.  I love talking to you.  You make me smile inside and out.  I won't be angry but very thankful that I am blessed enough to know you.  

God bless you and your fiance.

Fate, where the hell do you get off putting them both in perfect relationships and leaving me pining after someone who hardly knows my name?!

Even your stupidity has become predictable now. I'm over you a lot faster than I thought I'd be, and now it just annoys me to think of you still pining for me.

so guess what, I think I met someone a little less confusin and a little easier to please. He won't break my heart cuz I'll break his face. Nice delcys still here but no longer is she easily run over. I guess I'm just a little more aware of shit now. But yeah, todays your birthday. Happy birthday kasha :) I hope today is filled with nothing but happiness and love. Old geezer. Haha

I hate the fact that I hate welfare recipients.

We have to spend nearly $2000 each year to heat our home.  We have to pay for health insurance for our kids.  We pay to feed ourselves and our children.

So I'm sorry...the last thing I want to see is how much you're enjoying your new game system and stereo and...

Do they even realize that those luxury items came out of OUR tax money while we have to save up to make sure our bills are paid on time?  Do they even care?  It's fucking bullshit.

If the government doesn't make some serious reforms we're all going to quit our jobs and suck at the teat of government mis-spending.  Fuck it.

I'm terrified that after I graduate, I won't be able to find a job.

My boyfriend seems to really love me, and it terrifies me.

I'm terrified that my parents' relationship is now unfix-able, and I know they'd never seek counseling.

Life scares me right now.

Tonight's the night. I'm going full force towards a head on collision of superficiality. On the other side of that bridge where I am going to toss what little is left I won't have to worry about anything anymore.  I can be that little plastic doll that every one adores. I can scoop out the inside of my spirit and dump it out into some locked closet that I will walk away from and forget. That's who I become tonight. No one to stop me from stepping out on to that stage. The show must go on. All my dreams coming true, but they really don't mean shit. Everything I've wanted since I was young enough to want it, until one day I found there was something that meant more.

Last night and this morning my poop was green and void of the usual odor.

I think that's good.  I'm going to go with it.

life looks bleak.  im worried it's just because my brain has become so accustomed to being stoned.  not only am i worried, but im sure.  whoops.

i just found out you feel the same way i do about getting back together.
i'm terrified that if i try you will push me even further away and i will lose the little bit that i have. turns out you feel the same way. but i know the both of us. we are to scared to try and say something to the other. even though we live together i still feel alone without you. i love you. that never changed. though i may not like some of the things you do. i think i am just gonna chance it. when i see you tonight i am just gonna blurt it out and hope for the best. i would rather risk losing you trying to get you back then just sit there and watch us fade away into the memory of each other

heres to hoping you say yes

He was the closest thing I have had to a relationship. It's just a shame he's married.

i dispite my sons mother...but i love my son to death. i want out..

Ok, I know we have about 6 years between us, and I may seem young for you, maybe thats why you haven't done anything yet. But I am so god damned attracted to you. I don't know why. I've dated my fair share of guys so if I meet a good one I don't let myself get my hopes up too high, because chances are they'll come crashing down. But We just met. We haven't even dated yet. And I can't get you out of my head. I never let this happen, but it seems I have no control over it. Like when we were making out on the couch before our friend got home, there was no control over that, and I know you liked it as much as I did. Maybe its just a lust thing. I'm not even sure. I just want to be alone with you again to see what happens. I'm a good girl, not a saint, but a good girl. But I want to be so bad with you. It goes against all of my morals and rules and walls that i've put up, but D.N. I want you so bad and I have no idea why. Now I've pretty much convinced myself through typing this out that its all lust... But thats ok. Just give me a few hours with you, or days, and I can get it out of my system. Damn. If that dog hadn't been around, who knows what I would've done with you.

I EAT ALOT OF CANDY

Coming Out Of The Closet
I Am An Atheist

It took alot for me to finally come to this realization, decision or whatever you'd like to call it. For a long time, I've said I'm agnostic. I've never come to terms with religion and what I thought about the world around me, and how it all came to be.

My brain screams that there is no God. My mortality cries that there must be.
I've been scared for a long time in regard to my eternal damnation, and "saving my soul". Even now, when I write this, I feel the judgement from the eyes of imagined strangers who would read this blog.

I am constantly in awe of my surroundings, life in all its forms, and the millions upon millions of possibilities I have to choose from both internally and externally of how my life will play out. I don't feel any less moral than my religious counterparts. I constantly question all things, and I don't believe that my curiosity is going to be the end of me. It baffles me how people could take something as an ultimate truth with full conviction. I try to lead my life in the moment. I try to be compassionate and loving to my fellow human.

Am I evil because I believe there is no God? I like to think that if there was a God, in all his omnipotency and omnipresence; wouldn't he rather have his creations question life and its origins? If you had all of eternity, instead of these fleeting years on earth, and you created something that was self-conscious; Wouldn't you have joy in seeing the skeptic grow? Always questioning and always full of wonder? Say you spent your entire life according to the bible. God exists and when you meet him in your heaven, he asks: What did you learn on earth, if all you've done was something you were told to do? Are you any better than a robot, then? Don't we learn from our mistakes? Don't we grow and become better human beings from memories, experiences, heartache, trouble, and defeat? "Don't touch the stove, because it is hot." What the hell is hot? Do you have any concept of the pain until you actually oblige your curious mind? How can you live if you've been told what life is all about? If you already know all the answers, are you just waiting to die, for heaven?

I remember when I first began questioning religion and the concept of a God. My mother was Bisexual for a time. She had multiple relationships with women when I was growing up. According to alot of people, my mother is eternally damned. It seems that it doesn't matter what else my mother does with her life. It is now void because she has a desire for someone of the same sex. How is it anyone elses business what my mother, or anyone else for that matter, does in their life if it doesn't cause any harm whatsoever to others? Religion also damns women as a second-class citizen in society. I have first-hand experience of the mind of men who actually believe this. When I was serving my community service last year in a church, there was a group of men who gathered once a week to talk about "Man" things. A speaker actually said "I know guys, I know... When it comes to doing chores, cleaning or helping around the house, it's usually the woman's job. But really, it would help if once in awhile, mind you not too often, you should help just a bit." I looked around and there were men nodding their heads solemnly, as if this was some sort of epiphany for them. OF COURSE YOU SHOULD HELP AROUND THE HOUSE! It's your fucking house too! Marriage isn't some bond of slavery! That contract doesn't dictate that you have someone to clean your mess and bend to your will just because you have a dick between your legs. I was appalled how many people, in this day and age, still had ideals written down in the bronze age as something to abide by.

I've come to reject alot of what religion stands for, and things associated with it. I don't think I want to get married. I don't mind commitment, but... why put so much pressure on something as delicate as a relationship? I don't even know if I want children. I certainly don't want any within the next 15 years. Maybe some people just have that parental nature, but I just don't feel it. I want to change this world. I want to better our fleeting time here. They say the first two years to raise a child costs something like $28,000. What if I just invested that instead into something like an invention, or a charity? Maybe I'm just a loner. I like my privacy, and alot of the moments of contention i've had were when I was by myself, surrounded by my thoughts and the chaotic peace of the world. I want love, and I want relationships, but not with a sacrifice as to what I could achieve in the fleeting time I have on this planet.

I'm afraid to post this. I don't know who's going to judge me, but I feel like this is liberating. I'm scared that most people find Atheism to be synonymous with demons, rapists, murderers and thieves. I'm a good person, but I just have so little patience for people who are willing to kill for something they haven't questioned themselves.

I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. This is, some genuine love here.

we're a little more distant now, for the better. But i still love you. Not even 10 minutes goes by when i dont think about you. You're perfect for me, I admire everything that you do, I wish i could marry you because you'd be the perfect husband.
But then again its deeper than that, it's like we're family man.
once more, i love you

I work.
I work so Goddamn hard in everything I do.
You barely try and yet.
Yet..
You come out on top.
I love you and admire you.
But I hate you in that respect.
Nothing I do will ever compare to you.

I have no friends only associates i sit at home everyday by myself feeling so alone...... i cry myself to sleep from the thought of dieing and being slone for therest of my life.

I truly hate the person tha i am........... i feel that no man will ever want me and only me there's alwyas gonna be some other woman or women that they can be with. why can't someone truly love me and be with me and only me.

I know that my man texts other women talking s if he's still single and want them... i've even seen pics that they sent him but he dosent know that i know all of this.

My boyfriend never tells me I'm pretty. I stopped getting dressed up to see him and he never even noticed my lack of effort.

I need out.

Stop being such a downer. Your mood flips just as easily as mine, only I'm better at not showing it than you. I make a point not to be a bitch when I'm angry. You need to stop sweating the small stuff already. You'll be over it in just a little while and I'll still be sitting here, hurt by the way you acted. I'm tired of trying so much. I'm not going to ruin anything with us, but I'm just going to let you see what I'm like when I have to deal with your passive agressive ass all day.

the only reason i didnt kill myself that day was because i couldn't stand leaving my dog. his is the only male that has ever truly loved me ( im a guy)

you have the most gorgeous smile, and warm eyes. your intellect is contantly impressing me. i wish i could be at 100% when you're around... but you make me so god damn nervous!!! something needs to happen, so i can function... and i don't mean with someone else.

Yesterday I whacked off and smeared some of my cum on my wife's clean panties. Today she was unknowingly wearing a pair of those cum dabbed panties. This is as close as I ever get anymore to having sex.

I love you. I didn't want to admit it, but I do. If you love her, I don't think I will able to stand being around either of you. I'm sorry. Please don't do this to me.

i dispise everyone i work with ... cuz they are all lazy bunch of whiny assholes... especially eileen...

well.  i certainly fucked myself there, didn't i.

The truth is that I hate social networking sites, yet I look at my Facebook profile at least twice a day because I'm bored shitless and have no one to talk to. As soon as I find a better way to communicate with others, I'm out. I'm deleting all of that shit. I hate reading people's boring, stupid ass updates about nothing. I don't give a flying, flippity, fuckity FUCK if you just got a new barn for your fucking Farmville. I don't give a rat's ass what you're having for dinner tonight. You could be having arsenic grits for all I give a shit. What a bunch of fucking lame asses. I hate having to tailor my words to a wide audience, including folks who are too damn old to be sitting around on the internet chatting anyway and those super-holy turd biscuits with a perpetual board up their asses who would find me morally repugnant if I just let it fly. Sometimes I really do want to go underground after I tell *almost* everybody I know to go fuck themselves. I don't know what stops me. I guess some weak, yet deeply ingrained sense of social propriety chains me to these people. Bastards.

just a couple of hours alone with you

is it just me, or did it feel like we could have kissed eachother in that moment...

i felt it

Today my very close friend told me that he feels like he needs something new and maybe even a girlfriend. He has feelings for me. I have feelings for him, but I also have a boyfriend. I think I pushed it and talked to much about my boyfriend that it depressed my friend and he's truly given up.
It hurts that he doesn't feel I'm enough for him and that he still wants a girlfriend. I know I have someone and I shouldn't be selfish cause I'm not really offering anything. I just don't wana stop being his #1 girl. I don't wana be just another friend, when he's so much more than that to me.

Urgh, I'm also not a cheater.

today i told you that i am afraid of dying. i always was since early childhood. you told me that there was no need to worry- you would die before me. you said you would wait for me. you would never leave me alone.

i cried silently on the phone and felt very, very loved.

when i am reborn i will search for you. i will spend every live with you that i get. i love you.

I miss sex. I hate having a higher libido than my boyfriend.

I look in the paper and see that the case has gone all the way to the Supreme Court!  It's a big case!  Wow!  And all I can think about is how years ago the plantiff's 19-year old daughter called me and started talking in detail about her sex life until I squirted cum all over myself.

Umm... AOL... you want to know why no one signs up for your stupid internet service anymore?

"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!"

Sometimes the speakers on my work computer are turned on.  

Morons.

You might as well change the voice-over message to:

"YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!!  AND ALL YOU PEOPLE WITHIN EARSHOT SHOULD KNOW THAT HE IS LOOKING AT THIS PERSONAL EMAIL ACCOUNT WHEN INSTEAD HE SHOULD BE WORKING."

I'm afraid of losing my sanity at work.

I know where you work now. What an absolute fluke to run into you there...you're fucked.

I know you saw me see you. You better fucking quit and find a new place to work because I am going to fucking destroy your life as you destroyed mine you selfish fucking cunt bitch.

Payback can never be as big a bitch as you are.

Prepare to suffer.

I want to get disappearing ink that reappears later. You spread it on someone "Fuckin Mitch, ah you fucker". Ten minutes later "Fuckin Mitch!"

Damn you Mitch Hedberg you will be missed.

I left you a happy birthday message and that is the last time you will ever hear from me.

I think that people who ignore other people have a special place in hell reserved for them.

It's torture and you broke my heart.  For no reason, I never did anything but care for you.

I'm really starting to despise Facebook.

Oh, God, I want her to love me again. She's supposed to be with me, not him, not carrying his child. It's wrong! My soul aches for her every single day.
(I'm a woman. Long distance sucks).

deleted

i'm going to rant, rather than tell a secret.
why the fuck can't i get my license!?
i'm eighteen goddamn years old, and yet i still have to take drivers ed for a year, and THEN get my permit for another year? i'll be nineteen.
fuck texas, fuck idiot teens who made them consider this a reasonable law, fuck you.

i'm really close to giving up on everything, i can't take swimmin' against the current anymore.

I stole an egg role from a buffet one year ago.

I wish we could just go for it, right this damn minute!

It wasn't until my best friend came home from college to celebrate his one year with his girlfriend that i realized he would never love me. now I am thankful that after three years of crushing on him I'm done and see what a loser he really is.

my pussy is wet all the time.

i want to fuck my ex-boyfriend... i have been married for 10 years and still think of fucking him....mmmm

Three ways to make me happy,

1. Buy me chick-fil-a
2. Scratch my back
3. Telling me the time you blacked out after you showered and was late for the band trip.

You make me so happy, I really hope I'm doing the same. I love you.

You're not the boy I fell in love with anymore. You don't understand why I don't want you back but that's the reason

He read the message I sent.  He doesn't feel like responding.  He would rather rot in this place - in his "life".

That's his choice.  I feel bad for him.  I also feel stupid for thinking he was someone that knew better.

I havent slept in 3 days because of my re occuring nightmare..
my mother passed away when I was 7 and I saw it..I saw it.. but I have a nightmare that she is still alive, sees me, and expresses her hate and anger toward me, and then abandons me again..

I haven't told anyone, Im afraid of what this dream means...

I miss us! I miss asking you how was work and how you are doing and then wait for a while to hear from you. I miss waiting to find out when we will be able to meet and then fight over it. Lol, please do something, call,sign into IM, send SMS, do a drive by in my area. Any lead or sign will do.. We have seen the best and worst of eachother! What more could it be ? But friendship 4ever.

if i don't act like im interested in getting blackout drunk and finding my way home, i'm not invited... if i go, i get blackout drunk, find my way home, spend the whole next day suffering, and lose my self-respect.

since when do i have this problem over a boy?

Everyone asks why we broke up.. I tell them he broke my heart but really its because he made weird faces during sex.

you make me feel like the parts of me that i cherish are stupid and trivial...  maybe it's becuase you just don't know that i like those parts of myself, but if you clearly don't know me that well, what gives you the right to make those comments to me?

hm?

I want to grow old with you. You're the love of my life. & I dont think I could have found anyone more like me.

I keep thinking that you're staring at me but I can't really tell. You're good enough to either make it look like you're looking through me to where I'm not sure it is me you are looking at or glancing away just quick enough to where I miss your eye contact.

I'll catch you one of these days.

I had a horrible childhood. Me & my sister are both screwed up from it but it hit her worse.. she cant have a  normal relationship & Shes not  a part of our family anymore... I feel guilty because I can't remember what happened, I blocked it all out. I feel like one day my whole life will come crashing down and its only a matter of time. There's no reason I should be normal...

Why are you such a douche?

yvette - all i want in this life is to love you.  to be yours and only yours.  til the end of time.
this is only a secret to you as everyone else seems to know it.

dating isn't such a bad idea, you know?  why is it so wrong to get to reconnect and live it all again?

for all the sand on the beach in boca...
for all the stars in the sky at midnight...
for all the dog hairs that i've ever swept up...

i love you.
forever.

why keep her hanging on if you know its eventually going to end? and if you still have feelings for someone else, dont waste her time. shes worth more than that. she deserves to be with someone that loves her with all of his heart because thats how she loves. even though shes experienced heartbreak, been lied to, abused... she still loves. and shes chosen you to love. and you should be grateful.

my secret is that im the girl and i know what youve been thinking. and ive been waiting patiently but its starting to become a chore and ive never been a very patient person. so something needs to happen real soon or this girl is going to leave and take her happiness with her.

im sorry for what youve been through but we've all had terrible moments in our lives. some lasting longer than others. its how life works. you should have figured that out by now.

I don't want to be cheap.  But I don't want to be one of those girls who pays for everything for her man.  I don't respect that.  I look at those girls and can't help but thinking that they're trying to buy this guy's love, and it's not gonna happen.  And I look at those guys and lose respect for them because aren't they supposed to have more pride than to ask their woman for money?  I'm a more traditional girl stuck in a time period that isn't for me.  I don't mind a woman being a housewife and taking care of her man and the kids.  I don't mind the man making the money and paying for things.  When women fought for changes, they didn't know what they were asking for.  No, I don't agree that women shouldn't have education or the means to get out of a bad marriage, I don't think a woman should stay with a man who abuses her because she has no way out, which is what some of these women used to deal with back then.  But I'm sure some of the others were happy.  There's so much conflict because of the reversal of sex roles, a man doesn't feel like a man anymore and a woman doesn't feel like a woman.  I like to feel like a woman.

I just met you, I really like you. I'm scared because I don't know how to not fuck it up anymore.

I slept with you because I was lonely. I did not want to be the victim anymore. I was raped months ago and I just wanted to take that part of my life back. But instead of our night being full of passion, my mind left the room. It wasn't me you made love too, but my distant body. It was too much to handle. While you were enjoying I was holding my eyes shut, not see, in hopes I would not remember our night. Yet, I remember what we did. I remember losing my virginity. God was there, even though my heart was distant.

who says i was talking about u? lol ur married! i know u wouldn't tell. lol, but i have to keep my options open cuz u not around all the time. lmao! guys r idiots. :0)

ur ignoring me and that can't b good. the sad part is i'm worried and why should i? u not mines, but still it hurts. please talk to me. i value what i have with u.  plus i'm feeling neglected and ur not helping me.  f@ck i knew i should've put more distance between us.  serves me right! :0(

Im starting to think that we're better off apart.  I won't change and you won't change.  People don't change.  There are things about each other we get so annoyed at, things we get so angry at, and you have hit me, so it's just a dangerous situation.  That's the one thing that really makes me think that it's not meant to be, that you think it's ok to hit if you get irritated, meanwhile you can be really irritating yourself, and some of the things you hate about me, you have to a much higher degree.  That's what I don't understand about you, you complain about things that I do when you do them even worse!  My problem is this: even knowing all this, and knowing that it's not as good as it used to be, with all the anger and resentment, although I feel like it's better to break up, I think that if it actually happened, I'd be crushed.  We almost broke up for good a few times, and the prospect of actually losing you was too much for me,even with all the negative shit.  I'm not sure if you're more work than you're worth.  But in the end, I know everyone is flawed, you have to take the good with the bad.  I'm just gonna have to deal with some other guy's bullshit eventually, or be alone.  And that other guy and me, we may be compatible, but it doesn't mean I'll love him.  So do you leave someone because of their bullshit, because u think the relationship is a lost cause, or do u stick it out?  When is the point that you have to leave someone?

i keep telling you the sex is great but reall i am just to lazy to go find someone better

I LOVE YOU!!!
i have since i first saw you
but those words will never leave my lips and you will never know because in my heart i know you can and deserve better then i could ever be
i will never stop loving you and i hope one day you find the man you deserve and the man that treats you like the angel you are.not a day goes by that i don't wosh that that man could be me. but i know it couldn't, thanks for always being the person i could turn to.

when i came inot  work to see everyone, you called me "your man" and then you called me "babe"
i have had a crush on you since i started working there. i know you feel the same.
but i am to much of a coward to tell you how i feel about you because you know so much about me that i am terrified that i will lose you as a friend if you know that all i wanted to do that day was look you in the eye and say " no problem baby" i want to be with you so much it hurts.

WHY AM I SUCH A PUSSY!!!!

we broke up about two months ago, we still act like we are together and it seems like you want to give it another try, but in those two months too many things have happened to show me the real you. you let the animals get sick, you let the house fall into disarray, you try to get money out of me to go drink with other people, i know you broke up with me to go fuck a co-worker who wnts nothing to do with you. i know that you are trying to find a fuck buddy, i know that you are lying to our friends and i know you never really loved me. I KNOW ALL OF THIS, BUT I STILL CAN'T GET THE WANT TO CALL YOU MY GIRLFRIEND AND TO HOLD YOU OUT OF MY HEAD.

AND IT KILLS ME EVERYDAY

thanks to this one fact i've started drinking again and i have started doing drugs again,

WHY CAN'T I LET YOU GO AND MOVE ON!!!!!

i always said that i wanted to get married but i wasn't sure about having children. you were the first person i thought i could have kids with, but now after being with you, my thoughts have changed. now i want kids but i don't know if i could ever be married, because i am afraid that they will all be like you and i don't think i could live with that

I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM IN MY LIFE UNTIL OTHER PEOPLE STARTED TELLING ME I DID... FUCKK ALL YOU INSECURE BASTARDS FOR PROJECTING YOUR SHIT ONTO ME... my only problem was ever listening to any of you.  i only hope the damage can be undone.

he was more excited to be snorting coke off the toilet than he was to spend a couple minutes alone in the bathroom with me.  that, and the fact that he kept muttering "i have a problem" make me want to ditch blow, and him.

for someone who, quote, "wants me to love him", he's not giving himself a very good case.

i wish it would happen tonight, because i'm soooooo ready for you!

Hey, DOCTOR

The RAGE the DEPRESSION the EUPHORIA the DISCONNECTION the CONFUSION.
isn't

                            ME
it's the BIPOLAR.
Stop thinking I'm a freak show because I'm CO-OPERATING and ALWAYS take my medication. Stop thinking I'm ABNORMAL because I came up with the diagnosis, stop looking at me like I'm insane and need help because I CAME TO GET HELP, because I INSISTED.

The LOVE, the ACCEPTANCE, the PATIENTCE, the DRIVE.

THAT is me.

It's not over inflated ego, it's not a crusade. I don't want to save the world. I want to HELP people to help THEMSELVES. If it KILLS me so be it.


and PLEASE don't worry so much about my hallucinations and delusions. I don't have them that often, and on average I have a pretty good grip on reality. (YAY Atheism!)

so please.  
I'm already a 'freak'

Don't make me feel like a freak among freaks.

kindly,

your patient.

i might be a loser.  this would surprise a lot of people i know who i'm certain feel differently about me.  guess i'll keep up the act...

dear boys:
1. You look like Edward Cullen and you're fantastic. I don't know why you act the way you do.
2. You are my best friend, but I'm confident you're in love with me.
3. You're the only boy who has ever called me beautiful in that way.
4. You're too old for me, but you care more than I could ask for.
5. You are just old enough for me, and I plan on making a move.
6. I will never admit that I don't like that you're getting with that spectacular girl.

I checked and it was 22 years ago, in the summer, and I was not yet 19 years old.

I'm visiting at the beach on Cape Cod for the weekend with my brother at his friends house and the parents were there.

On the 2nd night I had to go to the bathroom late, about 3 am. So I do my business then walk out to the hallway in my boxer shorts and there 6-7 feet in front of me is the mother. Clearly I had caught her by surprise as she was in a shear sleeping gown. She was nude underneath and I could clearly see everything. The outline of her body, her breasts, nipples, legs, and this decent size bush. She was attractive, in shape, and a sight of beauty in the moonlight.

She stood there and I stood there neither one of us said a word for what seemed a long, long time. This was my first experience to see a complete nude female body and I just stared at her in front of me, and she let me.

As I continued to look at her I could feel myself slow at first, and then all of a sudden I was on full alert erect and my dick just popped out of the opening in my boxers. She smiled and that broke the spell for me and I adjusted my boxers to put my dick inside and then I started to walk past her.

As I got to her to go by, she held out her hand to my chest and stopped me. Then dropped her hand and through my boxers gently felt my dick and started to check it out.  I sensed she was feeling the size of it as she checked for the thickness of it and the length. She dropped her hand a little farther down and gently touched my balls and gave them a slight squeeze. She then brought her hand up and ran it along the underside of my dick and then was done.

Then she tapped me on the butt as if to say go along now. I went back to bed fully erect and could not sleep till I took that down and blew that load with masturbation.

I must have re-lived that night in my mind 10,000 times over the course of the next 5-6 years. It really was my awakening to the adult world and the mysteries of sex.  I am happily married now with a couple kids but still think on that night occasionally.

I just heard last weekend that she died 6-7 weeks ago after a bout of cancer, and I am sorry for that.  I am sure this is a secret that she and I kept to ourselves for all these years.

I have never told a soul till now.

Y'know what? Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm a bad friend because you're just not a high priority to me. I used to get offended when you'd tell me that. Now I've stopped trying to argue otherwise. No matter what I do I'm a bad friend. Ok. Fine. I'm a bad friend. You win. Must be nice to be right.

And friendless.

A few weeks ago I found out my best and only friend was hit by a car on her way home from school. She's perfectly fine, even going so far as to describe the experience as cool, getting to see the inside of the ambulance and all that jazz. I didn't send a get well card, didn't call to apologize, didn't even make a comment on the journal. My mom told me to at least acknowledge the indcident, but I haven't even said a word to her in eight months, and we live only live half an hour away from each other. It's not like we're fighting or anything. It's not like I'm bored of her or anything. It's not like we have no way to contact each other. I could call if I wanted to. I could invite her over if I wanted to. I'm friends with her on a website she's on everyday. I can talk to her through Yahoo IM whenever I want to, and I've seen the little popups that alert you when your friends are online. I have so many ways to communicate with her, but I haven't. I don't know why. Fuck that. I know why. I fucking know why. I recently became a fan of a TV show she showed me the last time we talked, eight months ago. I bought the DVDs. I write and read fan ficiton about it and put the characters into gay relationships then write about it. It's not like I'm hiding it from her. I favorite fan art of the show. I'm afraid she'll be mad at me for becoming obsesseed with something she showed me and didn't tell her. I'm afraid she's not a fan of it anymore, and will be mad at me. I want to talk to her. I want to cut the crap and communicate with the one person I can actually make a connection with. The one person who understands me. I am so afraid that she's mad at me for ignoring her. I don't want to ignore her, she's my best friend. She shares my quirks, and doesn't make fun of the things we don't have in common.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! I MISS YOU! I'M SORRY FOR IGNORING YOU.

During college, I dated a very emotionally abusive man. Once, when we were driving around town, a song came on the radio.

"Is this Nine Inch Nails?" I asked.

"Noooo... I haven't heard it before. It's not."

"Hmmm. The voice sounds like Trent Reznor. Are you sure?"

"Of course. I know every Nine Inch Nails song there is. This may have been produced by Trent Reznor, but it's not Nine Inch Nails. I would know it if it were."

"Uh, okay."

He did things like that all the time. I'd be curious about something, ask a question, and get shut down. Curiosity was punished. It got to the point that normal versions of reality ceased to exist- All that existed was his version of reality.

He had me convinced I was completely worthless. I'd be lucky to graduate from college. I'd never have a successful career or meaningful job. My dream of being a writer was hopeless- He made fun of me until changed my plans to major in English to a social science I was only vaguely interested in, telling me that English majors were useless and I'd never find a job- any job- if I studied English. I was ugly. When I began gaining weight, he told me to simply accept that I was genetically predetermined to be overweight. I was sickly, and couldn't do anything that might threaten my delicate constitution, like travel, live on my own, learn to drive, or go to parties. He didn't want me having friends- They were all bad influences (Translation: They told me he was full of shit and abusive, and he didn't like me hearing the truth).

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Although months passed, I remembered the chorus to the song I'd heard on the radio while he was driving that day. It was simple enough. It would go through my head while I was brushing my teeth, eating dinner, or studying. I didn't dare look it up, though- If I was right, I knew he'd yell and scream at me. So, I didn't look it up. But damn, that sounded like Trent Reznor. It had to be. I knew it.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Eventually, he and I broke up. It was a horrible break up. He blamed me for it- Abusers usually do. I did feel guilty, for a very, very long time.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

I still remembered the chorus to that song, but I was afraid to look the song up. That guy had me so convinced I was stupid and worthless. I felt like him being right- The artist not being Trent Reznor- Would be just one more piece of evidence that I was as stupid and useless as he always said I was.

Years later, I'm finally coming into my own. It did take me a bit longer to finish college- Five years total, but I finished. I moved to my favorite major city on the east coast. I now have a wonderful life partner. Although I'm not as far along in my career as I hoped I'd be at my age, I finally have a low-level writing gig, and I'm thrilled to be doing something in my chosen field, especially since I didn't study English, Journalism, or any related discipline (which, contrary to popular thought, does matter to entry-level employers when you're looking for writing jobs). I'm working on my first novel, and I think it's got a great plot, and a real chance at being published. I drive, I go to parties, I have the most amazing friends you could ask for, I'm very healthy, and I even lost forty pounds in the past year.

Him?

Well... It took him eight years to finish college. Despite talking incessantly of plans to move to California or Seattle after graduation, he's still in our mid-tier midwestern college town. He's engaged to an obese girl I've been told has no plans for a career (other than motherhood), and who, for lack of a better term, is a double bagger. Despite having a degree in a competitive field, his motivation to succeed is so low, he's a shift supervisor at a Starbucks, with no plans to change jobs anytime soon (NOTE: It's not that he can't find another job- He genuinely does not want to). Mutual friends have told me he's been on mood stabilizers and anti-depressants for years.

I wouldn't look down on any of this if it weren't for how much time and energy he'd put into convincing me that I was useless, ugly, and had zero chance of obtaining the life I wanted for myself. I've done it! I'm not even 30 yet, and I've done it! I'm happy! I win! If he's happy, great, but from the looks of it, I kind of doubt it.

Oh, and one last thing. The song.

It wasn't until after I'd graduated, two years after we broke up, that I finally google searched the words HEAD LIKE A HOLE.

Relief flooded over me as I realized I'd been right the whole time. The lesson I took away from that experience was to never doubt your gut feelings- If you think it's Trent Reznor, it probably is, and if you think someone's trying to hurt you, they probably are. Most importantly, though, if you think you can do better than others are saying you can, you most certainly can- Don't listen to those people, they'll only try to squash you.

I'm a huge Nine Inch Nails fan, just because of this.

i want to succeed, i really do. But it's so hard. I can't get my shit together.

Sometimes i feel like my future is to just work at a gas station during the day, and at night get lost in rpgs for the rest of my life. rpgs...where im not a failure, but a fucking paladin knight, killing bad guys with a BAMF sword.

I've loved my best friend for nearly a decade, and apparently he's felt the same way. Now I've been dating a great guy for 2 years and just don't know what to do about it. I want them both in my life, but the pain of not getting what I really want is getting to me.

I refrain from calling or texting, but it still happens every night. And it always just makes me love him more. I wish we could be alone together like we used to...I miss those times. He's always been there for me, through everything. I wish I'd told him how I felt sooner. We were both dumbasses, and now we're paying the price.

I'm so tempted to leave him for you. I've never been able to imagine my life without you. I love you, B.

I find swingers absolutely disgusting. The few "swingers" that I've met have either been fat and slobby or just plain trashy rednecks. Quite frankly, it surprises me that some of them are getting laid by anyone, much less by multiple partners.

Tonight my husband asked me where I wanted to be. If I wanted to be with him or if I wanted to leave and go back up North. I told him I didn't want to be anywhere with anyone. He wouldn't take my answer and said it was "bullshit" and just sarcastic. But the truth is that really is the way I feel. I dont want to exist anymore. I don't want to be anywhere with anyone. I have lived my whole life surround by family and yet somehow homeless. I am tired...no exhausted...from feeling so unloved and so alone in the world. I am so far past sad that I have always felt like an unwanted visitor in my own house. I know we will probably patch things up and I will pretend like everything is fine and life will go on, but I'm back to where I was before. I daydream about being old and finally being able to say goodbye to this life. Goodbye to all the disappointment and hurt. Goodbye to the pain.

deleted

I leave for spring break in two weeks... I cant wait to cheat on my boyfriend. ;)

What do I want to be when I grow up?... Well its gotta be something I'm good at and love to do..So it looks like porn star is at the top of the list.

Why is it that guys are little girls about sex?
Im a FEMALE & I love ONE NIGHT STANDS.
So shutup & lets do it already so I can leave and stop pretending I like you.

I wonder if you remember the first time we hung out about 8 months ago and we were having the time of our lives, and I told you I was going to marry you.
Dont worry, my plans havent changed. :)

I love the fact that we secretly dated for 3 months & you were my bestfriend then you all of a sudden wouldnt talk to me for months & when I finally try to move on and Im dating someone else...
You act like we could be together if I wasnt with him.
Do you do this on purpose to fuck me up? You are never off my mind & I cant understand why im so obsessed with you. Bastard.

I dislike sex. It's hard to enjoy love making when your partner is never satisfied.

Foreplay doesn't work, she hates it. She doesn't enjoy me rubbing. She doesn't enjoy me trying anything new. It's missionary position or nothing.

Yeah I finish quickly but I can get it back up and go for round two immediately but there is no reason to. She figures we're done and goes back to her business.

I enjoy it when they enjoy it. And that just isn't happening. It's not for a lack of trying. Literally everything I do doesn't work. Time for a side project.

Will there ever be a time when I don't hear about you and HER without feeling like somebody ripped out my guts?

Since my break up with my ex-boyfriend of 2 years, I've had sex with 4 other guys. the first, was ok.. the second and third couldn't even get it up... (which made me think I had a problem) & I recently had the pleasure of taking my boyfriends virginity (mark that off the bucket list) to find that it is just as disappointing as the last 3.

So even though my ex treated me like crap, cheated on me over 15 times, and was going no where in life. He's still the best I've ever had & I fear that I will never again be satisfied in bed. Everyone always wondered why I took him back so many times... Its because he's amazing in bed.

I act like i hate the fact that jr high girls like me, or find me attractive, (especially when my friends make fun of me for it).
But really, I love the attention..
M/18
(No I don't go after them... That would be disgusting).

I don't know if I can handle satisfying someone sexually for the rest of my life.  Being in a relationship/marriage makes you totally responsible for your partner's sexual satisfaction.  I don't know if I can handle that responsibility.  I'm not even sure if I care anymore, I used to care deeply about that, but I don't think I do anymore.  It's up to me to do whatever a man wants sexually, even if I don't agree with it/it causes me a lot of pain/ sickens me etc?  I really don't think I care.

I will not text you. I will not call you. I will not visit you. I will not text you. I will not call you. I will not visit you. I will not text you. I will not call you. I will not visit you. I will not text you. I will not call you. I will not visit you.
...so you should really call me, or something.. anything.

i'm rather devastated that you didnt call today. actually really devaastated. I know you must have called your mom or gotten call priveleges revoked or something, but part of me thinks its because you dont want me anymore and i'm scared to look for letters anymore because i'm afraid of what they'll say and i'm even more afraid to send letters because i'm afraid of looking like a fool. If you dont want me, you wont want to hear from me... FUCK me, damn these thoughts.

I seriously need a new group of friends. Mine are a bunch of posing losers who only care about themselves. I'm just using 90% of them until something better comes along.

My wife asked me why I was so depressed this evening. I just shook my head and said "I wish I could tell you" (sounded like, I don't know), meaning; I still can't get her out of my fucking head even though it has been a couple of months since we decided to not play this game any longer.

i just don't get ass to mouth

NEVER eat chili before a prayer meeting at church!! It was a long hour and a half pinching 'em back. I quickly excused myself afterward and went outside for a few minutes. It sounded like I had dynamite in my pants.

I seriously feel like I'm going through every 7 deadly sin slowly and painfully.

Last year: First, it was wrath, jealousy, and greed-- at the same time!
You can only imagine how AWFUL that was!! I'd get jealous of my best friend, be greedy and treat her like property, and would get angry whenever I got jealous. I'd expel a lot of that out while with my parents, who kept treating me like a little child (or so it seemed in my clouded perspective).  And then I just. It ate me up inside and eventually destroyed our friendship. Oh sure, it would've never worked out anyway, but I didn't do much to help.

Things are just sucking. I am slowly seeing all the flaws within me. Okay not really slowly, but they're seriously just like. ATTACKING ME. I'm just thinking to myself, Satan, gtfo man! Calm it! I want to be away from you PLEASE. But if life was that easy, shoot, what would be?..

Then this year, I let lust take complete control over me.  I nearly defiled my friendship with my closest friend ever.  Why? Because we did stupid lewd things that just seriously made me disgusted with myself and everything. My own best friend. Shoot. Just dangerous. I swear, I probably got close to having sex with some random guy I hardly know.  

And then gluttony. I can't even. Geez. I'm not fat or anything. I'm in good physical shape, but I want even better. And I can't do that, because no matter what, out of boredom, or just "eating my feelings" or whatever, I just EAT. Snack on whatever. Even overeating on GOOD foods, like nuts and fruits! So it doesn't matter anyway, how much I lift weights, run, play sports, it just.. cancels out. And I just keep eating...

Now sloth. I'm so .. I get home from my school, just do my training, and then watch tv, go on the computer, eat in between, and then just... fall asleep. I hardly can get my work done without staying up until 2 am.  I just.. I'm lazy. Or perhaps that's not as fitting as unmotivated is. Yeah, unmotivated. I have big dreams and ambitions, too. How did this change so fast? Like I just don't want to continue anymore. I'm confused and frustrated with myself. I'm getting so so so weak.

I keep praying about this. I don't want to keep going through the deadly seven. I want to be stronger, mentally, physically, spiritually.
Whoever's out there.. Please pray for me. I can't get weak now. I've gotten so far with God.

deleted

Dear God,
Please send back up. I'm begging you.
  Love, Me.

I don't really participate in life.  I don't see the point of making lots of money, because I don't want the things it buys.  I'd like some things, but then that's it, I'm not greedy.  I don't really like going out, and most people bore me, so I avoid social functions.  I find it's actually better to be at a function with people I don't know, or people I know a little bit.  I don't care for family reunions.  I think sometimes family holds you back and judges you.  The thing that is most important to me is love, but after this last relationship I've been in, I don't think I have anything left to give.  I've turned bitter and cynical and think that people just use you for what they want.  So there isn't much of value to me anymore, and not much brings me joy or fun.  As a result, I don't really participate in life.  I'd rather sleep in my comfy bed than be bothered by the bullshit.  I don't want to be this way, I really don't, but I feel I can't change.  I think I would just be going through the motions, seeming like I'm living life to the fullest, while on the inside, I don't want to do those things that are so important to wveryone else.  I just don't care.

I found love in you but I dont have you. I feel like Id have an equal chance at your heaert if I had myself together right now, but you're inspiring me to change. But then I get so sad thinking that I might never get you completely that I just dont want to stop drinking and be all better, because what's the point? Then I think, if I dont end up with you, its not meant to be, right? So I need to better myself now and then Ill be ready the next time love comes my way.
But theeen I think if I do get all better, (stop drinking, get a good job, own place, ext.) what if I dont find love and then I won't even have my alcohol to keep me company.
That is the reason I am having such a hard time changing. There's always some reason in my head. Im just scared that you're the only one who could save my life.

he knows my deepest secret, now I can't trust him

I think I'll hold off a long, long time before I watch the movie "Precious."

My mom was abusive.  Only, once I was in high school, I snapped and I began to hit back.  

It continued.

I don't regret defending myself.  There's discipline, which is a deserved slap across the face, or smack on the ass.  Then there's abuse, when a person is friggin' crazy and hits, kicks, even pulls the car over to scratch their kid.

I have no regrets in fighting her back.  NONE.

I love her.  I always will.  

I'm doing everything I can to keep from becoming her.  I want to hold on tightly to her attributes and lose that scary psychotic side.  

But forget that, I'm not watching "Precious"...

I still have a piece of glass stuck in the heel of my foot from the last blowout my mom and I had a few years ago.  Her scalp was bleeding in that fight, and I had scratches and bruises all over me.  

I just, I don't know.  More than what has happened between us, she acts like it never did.  I think that hurts more than the all the physical and verbal abuse.

I think that's the sickest part of all.  The next day it was all... who wants a brownie??  Or, "if you weren't so bad Mommy wouldn't get so angry..."  I swear, there were some fights, where I swear my mom was experiencing an outer body experience.  It's like she checked out.  When she came back (into her head), she would always come in my room, or the bathroom (wherever I was trying to hide and cry) and pet my hair and apologize, cry with me...  

Weird, I haven't thought about this stuff in awhile.  The Academy Awards are taking me to a dark place.  

I don't like to talk about it.  Not because I give a crap what people think about me, but because I'm scared to death of becoming her.  That fear is so engulfed in my psyche.

She's not a bad person.  She's a good person who decided not to get help.  We're all good people.  Some need more help than others.

I've come to realize that I sabotage my own chances at happiness because I can't stand the thought of being let down and having my heart broken. But my heart's broken anyway. Damn the luck.

Im male, 45 years old,married,2 kids,and I have an uncle who everyone thinks Im so close to because we go hunting and fishing all the time,but the reason Im so close to him is hes been fucking me in the ass since I was 12,and I love it! When Im laying face down on the ground and hes thrusting that fat old uncut cock into me I have the best orgasms ever,better than I ever had with my wife.Oh,and Ive never been with any other guys,hes the only one.

i hate my impulsivity. there was probably a reason you haven't texted me all day. why'd i have to go and punish myself and try to talk to you when i know i messed it up? i shouldn't have answered your question you asked last night. i'm sorry if you hate me. i'm sorry i put myself through this all over again :( when will i ever learn?

i'll let it go now. not that you can't replace me anyway. have fun...

i know it's you and it's driving me crazy...



faaaaaaack!!!!!

I might not can afford to buy you any fancy dinners just yet...but I'll give you my best. Let me know when you're ready. I hope you like road head.

when i fuck, i like to thrust to the beat of the music.  it's like dancing, but with penetration!

if you're not down for that then you probably aren't down for dancing, and if you're not down for dancing then you are probably a bit boring in bed...

these hips don't lie baby, i can't wait to get back in the game.

well, im sorry if its too real for YOU. but i want us to get our fuck on already.

What if we have nothing to talk about?

"Inglorious Bastards"

You kidding me?  I'm supposed to walk up to a ticket window in a movie theater and say "Inglorious Bastards" to the young girl behind the counter?

No.

Call me old fashioned but I don't say curse words to young girls.

What's next?  They going to come out with a movie called, "Fuck You Cunt"?

Good luck with that Hollywood.

I microwave two frozen hotdogs and rice for breakfast when I'm in a rush to get to work, which is almost every morning.

We talk all the time but it's not they way I'd like to. I'd love to have you with me soon when it becomes a possibility. I love your mind and your sarcasm. safe to say I really love nearly everything about you. Even him, especially him.

Oh dear. I've just discovered pâté. This won't end well.

I hear the doorbell ring a lot. The door bell isn't really ringing, but when I'm upstairs or in the basement, I hear the faint ring of the doorbell.  What a weird affliction of my ears. Or maybe it's an affliction of my loneliness.

I think I'm catching feelings for you.  I think from now on I will start putting a little more space in between us.  I'm scared cuz that's not how it's suppose to go down. F@ck!  :0(

This better be the right fucking decision. If it turns out I was wrong, I don't know how I'll be able to deal.

You know if you left him and "tried something new" with me, you'd be the happiest you've ever been. Promise. But you're just to unsure of the future. That's what the future is baby. Uncertainty. It's what makes the ride worth while, the element of surprise. I promise to be everything you need for as long as you need. Hell...maybe I just want to have sex with you and show you new things are fun. I know you've never done it like this, let's just play. We don't have to be in love, after all...i'm still in love with her.

Why do I feel so down every time I get off the phone with you? When we finish talking, I should feel happy that I got to talk to you, not sad.

The vatican should allow priests to marry. That will cut down on these gay sex scandals.

When something is right, all will be made right. Somehow. Some way. Have faith...

i hate how im not sure if i can trust you. you say you love me but youd rather be with her. the truth is i love you with all my heart, but im trying to let go! :(

I need a hug.

Would you ask for my phone number already????!!!

you think everyone hates you because you are fat,
really it's that you are a know it all bitch

my whole family hates you myself included,
but i dont have the heart to tell you because we are the closest thing you have ever had to a real family and the thought of them hating you might kill you.
i can't have that on my mind. even though to some degree i think you deserve it

i can't even begin to describe how much i dread coming across pieces of your clothes in my wardrobe... socks, wife beaters, boxers... i used to wear this stuff for strength on days when i wanted you as close as possible.  and now, for strength, i wear them because i would consider it weak to buckle and throw them away.  afterall, they're just underwear.

sigh.

He has never been the same since he had his affair...I will never trust him again..I now hate it when he touches me because he always lies about something no matter how stupid it is.I feel like he hates me

I'm 34. I should never been allowed to live on my own. I have no idea how to be an adult.

Bit by bit, little by little I will let myself fade from your life and you will think that it is because I do not care or that I am a game player or some other fallacy far from the truth. Fuck! I've already started running. Funny how it started off entirely emotional all those years ago and then recently I was finally able to admit that I am physically attracted to you too.  I never even let that thought cross my mind and now that I've realized it, it is an overload, because I have never had both in a man. I want to taste you, feel you, let you take control of me. I want to lock myself in a room with you for an entire weekend and memorize every flaw, every part of you. AND I am in love with you too?  I am sorry, but this is way too intense and I've got to get out of here.

My best friend saved a woman's life last week. Not some "Oh, he is a live saver" kind of bullshit either. She would have been dead in less than five minutes. He just happened on a situation by chance while running to the store.

When he got her to a safe place, with all that had happened, they parted ways. He will never know how her life turns out.
She will never know his name.

sometimes the wrong way is really the right way

I lie awake in bed every night til about 4 a.m. in complete terror that someone might break into our house. I start to feel myself drift...and then there is the smallest noise in the house (or I made it up in my head), and I am jolted awake. I am very tired.

i wish i knew what i was supposed to do...

I wish more people would say exactly what's on their minds.
That makes me suchhh a hypocrite.

I love him so much, I didn't know that 4 months ago, when I intentionally kissed another guy and he doesnt know about it and I honestly do not think I will EVER tell him due to the fact, I'll break his and my own heart.

I am a complete weirdo.
I think I make people uncomfortable. =/
Sorry, guys.

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sex with him is a job always was and always will be .... but he is a wizard at finances ... thats where i suck   ----i spend he saves! thats why i stay...

I need someone to save me from myself.

Please God, give me a sign. How should I tell Chris what I need to talk to him about tomorrow? I already told him we need to talk, and I told him it wasn't a bad thing. How should I say it?

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I thought I was done with this. I thought I was finally getting better. Time has proven me wrong once again. This isn't how I want to spend my life. I want to be happy, to bet truly happy, to actually FEEL happy, not just fake it anymore, but for some reason, I can't. I hate this. Some aspects of my life seem to finally be looking up. I honestly don't understand what keeps making me feel this way. I thought I was getting BETTER. I thought that I was healthy. I don't get it. I don't know what to do. What keeps bringing up all these bad memories? Why am I now daily reminded of the life I used to lead? Oh, that's right, HE is the reason. I don't know how to tell him that I never really worked through all my problems, that my past still haunts me every day. I desperately want to be able to share with him, confide in him, but he makes it so damn difficult sometimes. I can't help but feel as if he's judging me. It' so obvious. He doesn't think before he speaks. He knows what he says hurts me, but he still says it. I guess that's better than hiding it. I'd rather know what he really feels about me, even though it hurts. It burns. It stings. It tears open the flesh of old wounds, rubbing salt into them. I can't fucking change my past. I know I've made mistakes. I know that very, very well. Remember, I'm the one who made them. I hate knowing that something I can't change about myself bothers him so much. I don't know what I can do to fix it. He's said that the past doesn't matter, but it's hard to believe him. Actions speak so much louder than words, babe, and I'd have to be completely blind not to see it. Not to mention the hurtful words he's spoken. I can hear the sincerity in his voice, feel the lie of his touch. I just want this to go away. I want to forget about my past. I want to be able to move on. It's just so hard when he's there every day reminding me of all my faults. I think he really cares about me. I hope he really does. He means so much to me. He's helping me in ways I could hardly even imagine before I met him. In some ways, I'm leaps and bounds ahead of where I used to be. In others, I feel like I'm sliding backward. I don't know what I should do. Maybe I should get help. I've considered counseling before. Maybe now's finally the time. Maybe I should finally take that plunge. I don't know how it will end up though. I could still be called suicidal. Sometimes I really believe that it's just a matter of time until I kill myself. Others I find the joy in even the little things in life. I wish I could be that person all the time. I don't know what happens to make it not so.

My secret? Despite all the progress I've made, I'm alarmingly close to a second suicide attempt.

I've become very philanthropic, much more loving and forgiving, just trying to live the life God called us to live.

But it most definitely does not mean I'm perfect. I'm still learning and trying hard everyday.

So I got in a fight with my dad over something stupid of course. I get very easily irritated with a lot of things he does, mainly senile things. He can't hear very well (I very much so hate repeating myself) and his cognitive thinking seriously sucks nowadays. So I get very frustrated trying to explain things to him and sometimes I sound smartassy. Of course, he blows up in return and starts acting extremely childish and says things he doesn't mean.

Then, because of our little argument, he pulls the unfair card, the "You're a Christian you should be more respectful and not a smartass card." And then calls me a hypocrite. Okay, sorry dad, I blow up on you because seriously you can be really slow and it's hard to be patient with you. I'm working on it. Hypocrite? I then say well sorry dad but you're not much of a good example by saying that you hate me. His response: "I don't care, you're making me hate you." Hmmm... interesting

He said he hated me. Really now? You are absolutely childish sometimes. The problem is I have two mothers. My father is far from fatherly. He's more of a mother. He's too emotional about miniscule things, too sensitive, and it's hard to be patient with that. I'm not trying to be sexist and trying to say he needs to man up (though that'd help) and change, I'm just asking for him to be more understanding and less stubborn.  I'm not perfect, and I won't always be obedient and such, but I do respect and love you because you are my dad. Never once have I said anything to hurt you like the hurtful things you say to me.

I'm not perfect. I am human. But I do try.

I am having an affair with my ex brother in law and intend on stealing him from his wife.

Its my birthday and other than the lame Facebook wall wishes noone has called me to wish me a happy birthday. It stings. And what sucks more is that am not shocked.

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I know that i'm 19 and you are 25... but I think you should go ahead a take a chance on me.... I don't understand it but I felt a connection with you.... so please call me :)

my wife left me. but to be honest, i hated eating her out anyway.

I've always caught on to things quicker.  Smarter.

When I decided in my mid-twenties that I wanted to have my own family, I moved out on my own and got a fiance within a month.  I was pregnant less than a year later.

I look on FaceBook and read the walls of all the girls that seemed to have their shit together.  The popular girls.  They're just now getting husbands and having children.  We're all in our thirties.

Because of this, I wonder if I'll catch on to death quicker than they do, too.

I like you alot
Screw it, I love you
and i like how you touched my tits, even though you're "committed"

I love you. I've told you. Just because you hurt me, doesn't mean you'll hurt me again. Don't treat me like I'm glass.

you never look me in the eye anymore...
it's so obvious ;)

Met girl at bar.

Went to my place.

She refused sex.

Game me a blowjob.

She sucked at sucking and I was ready for her to leave so...

I farted while she did the deed.

She left.

I went to sleep.

I really, really, really thought you cared me. You don't talk to me for.. hmm.. what was it?.. 3 months? And then suddenly you decide to EMAIL me. Not even a thoughtful email. More like a "Hey, what's up?" email. You act like you didn't disappear for months. You act like that's normal. I couldn't possibly have noticed, right? So, let's just play it off as if we saw each other yesterday. Seriously? I ask you what happened, why you didn't talk to me for so long. Another month goes by. You don't reply. I figure you'll get around to it when you can; so, I don't bother you with another email. A couple days later, you send me an email saying that you and your girlfriend broke up. No details. No explanation to why you never talked to me. That's all. And you know what I do? I'm so kind as to not pry for the reason why you didn't talk to me. I halt all my feelings. I tell you that I'm sorry for the break up, asking what happened. No response. Really? I just want to know that you're okay. Talk to me. I miss you. It's not like you were cheating on your girlfriend with me. Jesus. We're friends.

Where's my sign?

I've been so irrevocably used. And what can I do about? Absolutely nothing. That's life.

i can't stop thinking about you... this is badd

I love you, but you're such a fake. One minute you love me and want to talk the next you hate me and are a complete bitch to me about anything I have to say. Make up your mind who you want to be and be that person. Not just when it's convenient but consistently. Better yet, I'll make you're mind up for you: I'm out. We're done. When you want to be the true person I once knew, we'll talk again. Until then...

You are a dick. I am going to leave you. I'll call it: by the end of the year, I'm going to be on my own. And I'll love every second of it. No more listening to your fucking bitching. No more of your controlling attitude. No more of you.

I have the strengh now.

I will leave you.

For good.

Sweetie don't worry, she's the one I want. I'm not over her and i'm trying so hard just to want to be with you. Though, I know we won't work either.

Many years ago, I went through a really rough time.  During this time, I really found out who my friends were.  I lost almost all of them, except for a handful.  I have come to regard these few people as my closest, most trusted, most dependable friends.

Now, years later, a perfect storm of circumstances has put me in a difficult position.  I am on the verge of losing everything.  My family can't help, they are about to lose everything too.  All I need is a couple thousand dollars, AS A LOAN TO BE PAID BACK IN A FEW MONTHS, but suddenly, no one is there for me.  Emails not answered, phone calls not taken, messages not returned.  One "friend" said, hey, no problem, I'll drop off the money to you tomorrow.  Never showed up, and isn't answering the phone now.  (Oh, he's fine, by the way, he didn't die or anything - I see him on Facebook every hour of the day.)  And the one person who I have thought of as my one, true friend, who has been there for me through every trial and tribulation, hasn't even called me to see how I am doing.  She is in a great position to help me, yet she hasn't called me in three weeks to even see how I am, nor has returned my calls.

I'm a single mom, just trying to provide a good life for my child.  WTF?

I turn 28 in a few hours........ What do I have to show for it? Nothing. I am alone, sad. I have no money to my name, went back to school and am barely making it, barely keeping up with my bills.....

My life was not supposed to turn out like this.

I'm just not right for you.  no matter how hard we try, it wont work. You should move on, I am just your stepping stone.  Your future is waiting for you. and it will be a beautiful one.  I've been through this before and I can promise you I know what I am talking about.

She's not right for me. At least not right now. But i'll probably end up with her because, you, the one i'm absolutely head over heels in love with...won't give me the time of day.

Dear boyfriend,

I love you.  I love spending all my time with you.  Waking up next to you, showering with you, going for walks with the dogs, grabbing lunch at the diner, shopping together, then coming back for a nap, a big dinner, and sex.  Life is good.  We can spend all day, everyday together and never get sick of each other.

But for god's sake, please give me just 10 minutes with you out of my apartment.  Run to the corner store, take a drive to grab some cough drops, go pick up a pizza for diner - something!

Not because I don't want to see you.  Not because I need space or I'm sick of you.

Because I have to POOP!  

Yes, once a day I have to poop.  And I'm extremely embarrassed by this bodily function and the fact that you can hear it transpire while you're still in the apartment.  I'm a GIRL.  Boys do it and it smells and it's gross, but they don't care.  They laugh about it, make jokes, and are proud of how large it is.  But I'm a freakin' girl!

So I come up with dumb errands for you to run that you get very annoyed at me.  I'm just trying to use the damn bathroom before I explode!  And no, I cannot feel "sexy" or get excited to be underneath you in bed when I'm bloated and gassy because I have to have a bowel movement.  GO AWAY for just 20 minutes and let me have some privacy.

Love,
Your Girlfriend

Fuck you iTunes, I didn't want my firmware updated. Now my iPod isn't jailbroken.

Ahh... You're going to late. The movie starts in 5 MINS.  I was hoping you'd be different from your best friend but I was wrong, you're a carbon copy. Liz told me you'd be just like him, she regrets dating him I don't want to regret dating you.

I'm pissed at you Andrew and iTunes.

i leave for college in august, and im going to miss very few things. my cats are one of those things. i have friends, but these animals are closer to me than that. so close that they arent even animals. it makes me sad that a few of my friends think its odd and abnormal that im going to miss them so. but they are there for me when they are not, they are here to comfort me, and they know exactly when to shut up and just give me a hug. they will be the reason for me missing home and they will be my reason for visiting home. i wish my friends who dont understand, could. its such a great feeling, having these animals. and they will never forget me, or stop loving me, no matter what. so for my friends who think im crazy, i dont care. i love my cats so much. P-S-A

I'll never stop loving you, even though we both know we can't be close like we were three months ago.  It will always hurt me that our friendship has turned into this, but it's still the more priceless thing to me.  You are priceless.  I won't leave you.

it's the strangest thing, we're all touchy-feely, but the one person i feel closest to, we never touch...

In my spare time I think of new tactics to be patient with people in ways that WON'T leave me looking like a doormat.  It's really hard.

just cried when i finished masturbating because im an 18yearold female university VIRGIN and i can't seem to let anyone else make me feel this good. i also feel that there is something entirely bigger than me stuck in this stupid body that cannot get out, and i want to explode sometimes it makes me so mad

K, It's been 15 months since I booted your ass out and I STILL find things missing. Damn I hate thieves (and liars and cheaters). Still worth not having to put up with your self-centered psycho behavior.

i don't want to deal with liking you anymore. it's too draining. i constantly have to tell you i like you and i love you. i'm sick of it, it's not worth it. i don't want to do it anymore

When I was 18 I thought I knew everything.

women are always complaining that they want to be treated like men. not inferior little girls. but then you complain that the man isnt pulling ur chair out? at least he's trying to sit after you do. but no that just isnt good enough for you. shut up, shit down, enjoy the dinner that he is most likely paying for you. its so unnecessary in this day in age for a man to court you and treat you like a goddess. maybe one day you'll run into a man that you can whip and mold into your little play toy, but on a silly little date, stop ur bitchin.
18/female.

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I am seriously contemplating getting rid of my Internet connection. Why does it seem like every forum or blog that allows posting, always ends up with a clique of regular posters who then beat up on people who post for the first time? (Note: This site NOT included!) It's fucking Junior High all over again. Why am I paying to relive that hell?

It's like 10 in the morning and I'm still way drunk. I was in no shape to drive home but whatever I made it.

Drunk driving is my biggest pet peeve. I would stab a drunk driver in the face...I'm such a fucking hypocrite.

I got fucked up last night. I may have kissed an underage girl. I don't believe I did, but you never truly know.

Yesterday I gave my last thirty bucks to a tranny hooker.

I still am disgusted at something I once did. I think at age 100 it will still bother me.

I cheated on my girlfriend but that's not really the bad part.

She was going away for Thanksgiving. She left on the Wednesday afternoon and drove to her family's house about two hours away.

I didn't go with her. I said I had work things to do. Sort of true. There was a woman from my office I had been flirting with big time. She wasn't going away for Thanksgiving either. We had arranged to have lunch together on Thursday. Our own mini-Thanksgiving.  I was really looking forward to it.

We met up at a restaurant and had a great time. After lunch we went to a movie.  Then to a bar for a few drinks. Then nothing was open for dinner so we went to her apartment to hang out and eat something. We got touchy feely. We ended up fucking for hours.

I didn't feel bad about any of this.

Next morning we both woke up in her bed. It was a beautiful day. We went for a walk. I remember we had a great conversation in the park. It lasted until the middle of the afternoon. We went to lunch again. Then went to Starbucks and talked more while people watching.  I was loving every minute of being with her. I was mesmerized at how well we got along. Being with her was all consuming. This was turning into a magical 36 hour date.

Early Friday evening, back to her apartment. We fucked again.  By 10 pm we were spent. I decided to go back to my apartment because I'd been in the same clothes for two days.

I get home.  I am flying on a cloud.  A perfect two days of fun.

I checked my messages.  Several calls from my girlfriend.  Oops, kinda forgot about her. It's close to 11 at night.  I figure I'll call her back in the morning, that would be Saturday.  Still not an ounce of guilt in my head.

Next morning my girlfriend calls me at like 8 AM. She asks where I've been.  She couldn't reach me anywhere.  I make up some excuses about running around taking care of so many things.  She falls for it.  I tell her I love her. That always works.  She is happy again.  

Still none of this shames me. I'm perfectly fine with fucking the other woman and lying to my girlfriend.

But ready?  Ready for the part that will haunt me til I die?  That Saturday morning, when I was on the phone with my girlfriend, after I told her how much I love her and she was happy again, she asked a simple question.  She asked how Ginger was doing.

FUUUUUUUCK!

Ginger is her dog.  I was supposed to be going over to her apartment to feed and walk Ginger twice a day.


FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I could have died. I am not a bad person.  Yes, I fooled around behind my girlfriend's back.  But I am not a person to abandon a dog for what was now 3 days.  I felt sick to my stomach.

I said Ginger was great.  I then quickly got off the phone.  I hopped in a cab and raced over to her apartment.

I thank God Ginger was alive.  Three days without food.  Luckily (sort of) the toilet cover was up so she had access to water, although that was even drained down to almost nothing.

I fed her several cans of food. (I cleaned up the dog mess.)  I stayed with her for the rest of that day.

God is a clever fellow.  I cheated on my girlfriend. I thought I had gotten away with it with no guilt at all.  But in the end, I am disgusted with myself beyond belief because I selfishly forgot about the dog.  Yep, God is clever.  He'll remind you of the rules one way or another.

i left early yesterday from work to go and have sex with a guy that is so good in bed he could've been a pornostar. i swear he is that good.  what's great is that he is married and i am married so we get straight to point.  the sad thing is that eventually it will end.  sh*t like this always ends in disaster so here's hoping we don't get caught for a long time!  lol. ;0)

I love my family, but if they choose to never be on my side again I can live with it because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm doing the right thing. No matter how wrong it looks to anybody else.

I wanted to be done after tonight. And as I was driving that long cold lonely fucking drive home that I always have to do, you texted me..
You texted me and said something that glued me right back in the same place Ive been stuck in for months and months.

I so want to hate you.

I'm sorry GM.
It's still a secret because you probably don't believe me.

I wish he understood that every time he rejects me when I ask for sex, I feel just a little more worthless. It would be fine if it was once in a while, but he never wants to have sex. Yet, he says he loves me and wants me.

you know that it was meant to be us together regardless of current circumstances.  We made a huge mistake.

Ok, that was a bit stalkerish of me, but it was a bit of a challenge, too.

My wife and I were at a store that has a "club card", and if you don't have the actual card with you when you're at the register, they ask your phone number instead.  I noticed this not too good looking young woman there in line with her family.  Not too ugly, but she had a big fucking nasty nose.  I imagined she was the kind of semi-attractive girl who knows that she has a big fucking deformity on her face, and fucks like a champ in order to get guys to like her.  We all know the type.

So I glanced at her a time or two, imagining what it would be like to fuck this insecure chick who, if it weren't for her big ugly nasty nose, would be kind of cute.  I think she noticed me looking at her, but I pretended to be looking for my wife.

So ugly chick and her family were in line, and I hear the mom tell the checkout girl her phone number.  It's easy to remember the number.  I'm now curious about ugly girl... who is she?

I come home and search the phone number.  I quickly get a family name.  Onto Facebook.  I find her.  But she doesn't have her pics public.  I don't find out much.  Onto Google.  I get her college and her major and she's a runner, too.

That's about as far as I got.  She's cute except for the monstrosity on her face, and she's hanging with her family on a Friday night.  I bet she fucks.  I bet she fucks a lot.  But she saw me... how do I friend her on FB and learn more about her?  

I've never been this stalkerish... but it's kind of fun.

Almost to the day, one year ago my dad lost his job. My mom had already been unemployed since october, so things were already a bit tight, and very frustrating at times. So, it's been an entire year and let's try to sum up what has happened in my life. I honestly can't believe how much i've changed.

This time last year, I had three classes in Highschool and a part time job for the Mesa Public School system. It's crazy; I had economics, mythology, and my DECA class. That's all I had to do for school. Those three things. Go to work and help Deb and Kathleen out which was really simple, actually. Mostly just making their work-load a bit easier to bear, which I did gladly.

Let's see... February 2009.... I think I had just found out Robert had gotten Andi pregnant... Y'know what's wierd? He didn't want me to know, I think. Like I always thought I was his best friend, we had known each other for a good 7 years, and had been together all the time. But, I was just about the last to know in our close group of friends. I was still hanging out with Weston, I think he had just bought his motorcycle, which he was riding to school. I always thought that was pretty cool, heh :). It's wierd to look back and see how simple life seems to me now, but I just know it was hard on me then as life is hard on me now. Frank was in his schooling for Motor Vehicle Operator. I remember thinking how fast we were growing up, and how much me and him were drifting apart. That really hurts, to be honest... We were always the best of friends, since we moved alot as children, it was hard to get new friends every 7-12 months. I was still going to parties just about every weekend at this point. Drinking, and smoking.. trying my hardest to keep a lock on my childhood. It was as futile as trying to catch a waterfall in my hands. I just didn't want to let go. At all. I remember always having such good social skills, haha. Being so friendly, dancing with any girl that came near me. I think it was just the fact that I felt so innocent. Dancing was nothing, really. Just drinks and having a bit of fun.

I think it was march...... something.. when I had asked Christine to prom. It was a bit wierd, really. We were on the phone. I was laying down in my room, and we were talking about some thing or another. I forget how it came up... I think I said "Uh, yeah... i was going to ask you something..." and she said "Yes...?" all sweetly which was cute. I think she pulled it out of me to actually ask, and she said yes, which was a shock... but not so much in hindsight, haha. Teenage dreams are naive. The moment she said she'd go with me, my mind went a thousand miles a second, thinking up every scenario, doubting myself and the reasons we were going together, asking what this all meant to our friendship, wondering what robert and my brother thought. Hah. I remember she had gone to visit her sister, I believe. And had bought a dress when she was up there. It had to have been like a week or two after we had agreed to go together. And my thousand miles a second mind was getting cold feet. I had felt so bad because I was thinking of the other people I could go with, and how scared I was to actually go with this girl that I had feelings for for SO long. It really molded the way I was going to end up as a teenager, in hindsight. Haha, this all seems so long ago, and it's been less than a year. Just a couple of days before prom, my parents had moved to Las Vegas, and I moved into my sister Audra and her boyfriend Matt's house. Me and Christine had a conversation the week or so before how I was reading too much into it, that we were just going as friends. I remember when she came over to the house to pick me up (I didn't have transportation, haha.) When my sister first started to take pictures of the two of us, I remember not putting my arm around her, and just standing next to her haha. The same exact thing happened at her house, when her parents took pictures of us, and the rest of the prom group. I think I frustrated her, lol. She had to physically grab my arm and put it around her. Agh I was so clueless, haha. I enjoyed going, in the end. I just don't think I liked that all of her friends had an opinion of me before they even met me.

The last month of school was torture. It was really all my fault for being such a procrastinator, but I always tended to blame the world for my shortcomings, which was disastrous. I had to save money from work to pay for textbooks I had never turned in during my highschool years. I was literally at the deadline as to whether or not I was going to graduate when it came to paying my debt. But ultimately, it was very liberating. My brother Frank had come out, along with my parents, to see my graduation. It was nice to see them after feeling so abandoned for the last month or so. (Sidenote: Oh my god, I had known nothing about loneliness and heartache, but in the coming months, I was soon to find out!!)

The weekend of the graduation, I think it was a Saturday. My brother Frank was with me, and we had gone to a small party at Taylor's house. This was the day where I got to drinking, and all of my boy-shyness and inhibitions went out the window. I literally stayed up the entire night talking to christine. I think our conversation included how beautiful I thought it was that women could simply hold life within themselves, and about gangster rap, massages (Christine fucking manhandled me!), all until I was so out of it that I just started falling half-asleep. But it was definitely a night I will never forget. :).

The month in-between was pretty awesome. I was on cloud nine. I can't believe how great I felt. I had friends around me, I was falling in love with christine again, I had community service to do, Weston was going to bootcamp, so he asked if I wanted to go to California with him, which was unbelieveable. I snuck into Arizona State University's stadium, which was something I will absolutely hold with me forever, I think was really opening up to Christine, telling her how I felt about life, love, and my insane outlook on life. But with every high-note in life, it comes with the low. The sweet to the bitter... Ahhh... I went from the very top to a horrible state of mind. Christine and I inevitably dated for a few weeks. I was gone most of the time, at my parents in Las Vegas. I think we spent a total of 4 days together. Which was really depressing in hindsight :-P. But it was sweet. Very, very sweet. It was the culmination of what I had been hoping against hope for, for the past 4 years. She broke up with me in the month of July, 2009. Her reason was she was tired of saying goodbye to me. She couldnt take anymore of me playing stupid games for attention.

The next months were absolutely dreadful. From september 12th, the day after my birthday, until around January 20th. I was in a horrible state of mind. I had to donate plasma to help my family make ends meet, my brother was in Afghanistan, I was stuck in the house almost every day. I had no friends, I could talk to absolutely no one. I was so hungry for conversation. I was scared of telling my Dad how I really felt about my future, and how bleak I felt about the onset of my life. My mom was drinking just about every single day, drinking away money that we didn't have. I contacted my first friend from Arizona; after 2 months of being so low. I was really hating myself, hating my life, and hating the future that was being laid bare before my eyes. I went from an Air Force recruiter to a Navy one. It's funny how all I really ever wanted to do was go to college. That's why I wanted to join the military. Simply for college. I'm not going to be stuck in life, I'm going to try my hardest to reach my full potential. I studied alot for the ASVAB, to get into the navy's Nuclear Propulsion program; the hardest the U.S. Military has to offer. I passed everything they asked me to do. I recieved a 92 on my ASVAB, and I passed the Navy's Advance Placment Test. I was absolutely candidate material. My future looked bright, and I was thinking how no matter what has happened in the past, I can always make my future brighter. But unfortunately I found out I couldn't. Bad grades in Highschool determined that I was unfit to join the Nuclear Propulsion program. I was devastated. Let's rewind back to January 16th of this year. I was in Arizona, and I was at Audra's house for the second day. I had gone to a party with my friends the night before, and a hookah bar that night. This was the culmination of all the events of the past year. I finally told my dad how I was feeling. I told him I was thinking of suicide almost daily. I had never cried so hard in my entire life. I told him how frustrating it was for me to take all of the stress. How I hadn't slept in a bed for over a year, how angry I was that I had to even turn to the military to get my life started. How hurt I was that Christine didn't want to see me when I visited Arizona. But I can't blame her; I'm just more stress. I must've cried and talked to my dad for about 3 hours. I just let it all out. I'm very glad I did, though. He told me about his past experiences, how hard life can be, and it's only as rewarding as I make it.

Overall, this was definitely the worst year of my entire life. Absolutely. But I hope that after such a bitter year, I can have a sweet one. I'm still confused as to love, and how lonely I am. It's wierd though. I want someone, but I don't. I know that I can't commit to anything until I'm out of college, which is more than likely not for another 6 years. This time has got to be fleeting..... I'm just lonely. It sucks, but who isn't lonely?

I deleted my Facebook account today... People are such attention whores!  Everyone I need to communicate with is already on my contact list in my cell... Everyone else can fuck off!  What a joke...

I'm OBSESSED with you and I hardly know you.

This scares me.

I did lie to you.  I lied to you every change I got.  
My life will always be about me.
But I want you back more than you could ever imagine.  
I'm nothing with out you.

Pam I wish to God that you never existed.


I'm not married to you and it hurts.


I wish you never existed...



... So I'd be spared my pain.

I love you.


Forever.

YOU: Doesn't my daughter look cute dancing up there on the stage.

ME OUT LOUD:  Oh yes, very cute.

ME IN  MY HEAD:  Actually, she looks like a whore gyrating her hips like that.  She is 7 years old.  Where did she learn that crap?  Do you have any sense of parental controls?  I am embarrassed I know you.

Women, here is a secret for you.  When a guy like me takes you out to a restaurant, I want to be chivalrous.  To that end, when the maître d' shows us to the table, I want you to sit before I sit.  I'm not sure you are aware of this   -- because some women just stand there next to their seat.  They futz with their scarf, or adjust their purse, or pick a piece of fuzz off their sleeve -- before finally sitting down.  And the whole time the guy is standing there desperately trying to look busy and searching for a reason to continue standing.

It is awkward.

Please, when you are shown to the table -- sit down.  Futz with your scarf later.  Here the guy is trying to be chivalrous, and it's the woman who is being a bit too self centered.

I'm going out with you and your friends.
You'll no doubt get drunk.
You're my role model.
I'm scared I won't like what I see and it'll change the way I see you from here on out.

I am not your ragdoll that you can play with and toss away when you feel like it. I am not your chewtoy that you can bite and gnaw on whenever you feel in the least bit cranky.
just saying.

i can never keep a friendship, shit always happens with another person and i get the blame.
fuck.

Seriously....this bitch is crampin' my style.

What a deal to be in the middle of this, I see the picture and think more about it then, live my life and it is great too. I have to stop contacting her.

I can't stop eating.

Can't stop can't stop can't stop

Lord please help me stop eating.

I thought we had a great relationship.  A partnership and understanding.  Even after your husband found out about us, you wanted to continue our relationship which I truly wanted.  After Wednesday however, you really showed your true colors.  You want everything to be all about you with no consideration for anyone else including me.  I feel bad but it is my fault for giving you the time and investing my feelings in a person that takes and rarely gives.

I understand, everyone sweats you because you are black, young and beautiful.  You will be a catch for someone but you will never find a man like me.  I was smart enough to walk away.  Bonita, you showed me your ugly side and I thank you for that.  Now I can focus on the more important people in my life, my family where I really need to be.

Goodbye

Right now what I need more than anything is the strength to be the strong independent girl everyone thinks I am.

I let you walk all over me. I let you use me for sex and mistreat me after. I know you have a girlfriend you live with and I still let you bend my morals to thinking its ok for you to cheat on her with me.

We just fought. I told you I knew you would do this to me again. Abandon me after making me think you cared.

I cant even feel good about being right cuz it hurts so bad that I was.

What hurts worse is knowing I will go back to you.

I want to ask you about him.
I want to know all there is to know about the idealism he is.



But, he hardly knows who I am so that'd just be creepy.

I didn't exactly lie to you, honey.
I just don't want to hurt you.
In fact, nothing's changed, really. I'm just on a paranoid flight. I say I don't want us to get sick of each other and stuff, but I can feel it growing on me and coming. The fact that it feels advent pisses me off so much. Why? Because I love you very very much and we're best friends.
Honestly, it feels advent because.. Well. We spend every moment with each other when we can. And it hinders some things in our lives. And our dorky silly moments with each other, sometimes I get annoyed girlll. Not really annoyed, more like.. slightly -__- faced.  
I want everything to be perfect.  But the lascivious part of our friendship... I don't want that. I just want you, and without the lustiness.  
I want to be able to hold you, and kiss when it feels right to, and just lay down under the sky waiting for nothing. Just laying together.

You know my flaws, my imperfections. I know your flaws, and I see right past them. You're you and I love you very much. The more we suffocate each other, the more we touch with lust behind every move, the more we focus on the flaws and forget about who we are. The unconditionality of our love will fade. I can't let that happen. I'm sorry. I love you wayy too much to let that happen.
And for that reason, it may seem like I'm pushing you away, but no, I want us to be best friends forever. Forever.
This is a secret I must keep from you for quite some time. You're fragile about us, and I won't break you.
I love you.
A

You're a fucking clingy bitch. We don't live like friends, but like a relationship. You need to realize it's annoying and driving us apart.

i just want to melt into your arms and let the rest of the world fade all around us.

I give up. My relationship with my parents is destined to be superficial for the rest of my life. They'll never accept me for who I am. I'm too much of an unholy sinner for them and they're oh-so ashamed of me. Gee, you guys, I'm sorry that I don't hate homosexuals. I apologize for having friends who are "unchurched" and I'm sorry that I don't view every conversation with them as an opportunity to cram my beliefs down their throats. I'm sorry that I have the audacity to have questions about God and why things happen the way that they do. I'm sorry that I can't keep selling myself short by remaining married to someone that I don't love. I don't have a real family anymore, I just have a group of self-appointed preachers taking mental dossiers on everything that I say and do and finding me thoroughly unacceptable. I don't enjoy talking to them about anything anymore because they've assumed this holier-than-thou attitude that makes me sick to my stomach. I wish that I could shake them and remind them where they came from. These are the people who taught me how to love. How to have empathy. How to not act like a hoity-toity, condescending, upper middle class asshole. They taught me that Jesus was love, not a parole officer. My parents were free spirits. Now they've become everything that they taught me not to be. I feel so alienated from them now. I just want to start my own family, teach my kids all the values that were instilled in me by people who had heart, and get as far away from these pod creatures as I can. I'm sorry that I've turned out to be such a humiliation to them, but I really don't give a damn what they and their little church pals think of me anymore. If they want to sit around in their ivory tower and spit on the little people, they can count me out.

You give your dog bottled water.  Enough said.  You're a twit.

I am an 18 year old female. If I don't get laid for, I dunno, 3 days, I have sexual dreams and I cum in my sleep. This is especially annoying around the time of my period, when I physically can't have sex. I am such a horny individual.
I wish I wasn't.

I wish I was single and could handle being alone.
Or, I wish I could trust. You of all people deserve it.

And I really wish I was as compatible for you as she is.

On the same note, I miss feeling alive. I miss feeling sexy and spontaneous. I just want that feeling back.

I hope you don't break my heart. I really do.

First spammers annoyed us in email. Then they ruined MySpace.  Now they have completely paralyzed  Twitter.

I think we should be allowed to beat the crap out of spammers.  Seriously.  They damaged something I enjoyed, why don't I have the right to damage something they enjoy - like their face.  

I know a spammer.  He lives in my town. He seems like an ordinary school parent.  Except he never tells anyone what he does for a living.  What does that tell you?  Oh how proud his children will be one day to find out that daddy is embarrassed about his career choice that he can't tell anyone about it.  

But I did a little research.  I found out....

Spammers should have the crap beaten out of them...

I think you both check in on and watch me as my computer still gets shadowing symptoms.....I don't care to look for hidden files and rootkit all over again and constantly - I found them before, removed what I could, they respawned, I was unable to totally clear everything out and I'm worn out to say the least – even after getting a whole new computer it happened to that one too and it's not just been those two, but several systems at home and work going on for about 5 years now - I haven't wanted to use the word stalking, but what else could it be termed as...?

I wish I was crazy and imagining this - I'm just trying to work, live my life and do my best to pretend it doesn't exist in the hope it would get beyond boring by now and you'd both stop....it's even more cruel considering how kind and caring I was to both of you trying to help, being genuine and real, when you both just looped with me, were partially or fully dishonest, stressed me out, made me feel like shit at times and overall treated me poorly - I let it all go and stepped away being happy to just be done with it all, but it doesn't seem you guys can do that

I don't deserve this and never have - I hope one or both of you either get the balls to step up in some way and confront me vs. being pussy stalker-like or that you die so I can be left alone .....

So many freaks are coming out of the woodwork and so many freaky things are happening.  You used to be the one person i would ALWAYS tell what was going on.  Now, I realize you're no longer that person any more.  Any time something crazy happens, as much as I WANT to tell you, I can't and I won't.  I know my stories and brief whacky anecdotes don't interest you anymore.

Stories are so much less cool when they're coming from the person you're only friends with and no longer want to fuck anymore.

I am not like them, I am a friend forever. What are you afraid of ? Our fights are of trust issues & nothing else. Come back please.

Mark, are you as hard on yourself as you are on everyone else?  If so, we share this in common.  

Ease up, on them and you.

If she doesnt leave him the next time they have a major fight and he scares her, or the next time he makes her so upset that she's puking, Ill be the one praying to God for the strength to walk away and leave her.
I cant play the role of a doormat my entire life.

but God knows I love her...

Don't joke about love with me...it makes me want to RUN but even scarier, it also makes me want to wrap my arms around you and say it back.

My husband is usually a grouchy ass. My kids are difficult. My house is small and unpleasant and needs work. I have friends but we are all jaded from being in similar situations. Which is why I live for masterbation. For thirty minutes a day, which really comes down to one minute a day, I feel perfect pleasure. I think Gad gave us masterbation as a backup plan for happiness. Most of us are using it full tilt.

My husband and I are going tonight to the nicest restaurant in town. We go their regularly and one of the waiters and I have been flirting with each other for years.  Last time we were there, I went to the ladies room in the basement.  When I walked out the waiter was waiting.  We walked over to a dark hallway and did some serious flirting and light touching.  I experienced an excitement I had not had for years.  We were so close to kissing.  Tonight I will be ready. Short dress, no panties and an attitude.  This could be the wildest five minutes of my life!

i'm not high maintinence at all, i just like to have fun, to laugh, to talk (God, I LOVE a good conversation), I enjoy being crafty, being lazy, being active, I consider myself a very well-rounded package, and like I said, by no means high maintinence whatsoever.

So how come I feel like i've never found ANYbody who could handle 100% of me?  And I'm not even one of those "loner" types, I've had many friends in my life, and many lovers.  Long-term, short-term, monogomous and otherwise.

I feel like I give 110% of myself to others, I am so charged with personality, and yet I constantly run across these people who would rather admire themselves than share who they are or learn about someone else.

We live in a strange world, and I am a stranger in it.  But even that won't stop me from emoting this person that I am.  People like me may be the last hope for people like you.

When a Person Says " You Can't Love Me the Way I Want to Be Loved"....Is the most Selfish, Self Centered, Egotistical thing 1 can say.....WTF

At what Point do We determine the capability of another Persons Love????

Since he's been gone I've slept with 3 men, (sex with 1 of those) and sex with 3 women as well and a crush on a girl. I also joined Weight Watchers and gained 12 fucking pounds. However I haven't cried over him in at least 2 weeks until last night. I guess my secret isn't so secret: I want him back. However I'm just not what he wants. FML

it's overwhelming,
these feelings are

does she feel the same?
i'm positive

awkwardness prevails
and she does too

belong together,
two words so true

trust; one day it'll
be me and you

-find.me

I molested my friends when I was little. I didn't know what I was doing.

I'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend, who is also my best friend. I would never tell either of them, or do anything about it, I don't want to hurt them, but people have pointed out how much better together he and I would be rather than him and her. Those are my thoughts exactly. I'm not going to wait around or anything, but if one day he's available and so am I, it will not last long I don't think.

I'm falling in love with someone who doesn't even date people. He makes me so happy without realizing it. I don't know what I'd be doing if I hadn't met him. Honestly I don't know. I just wish I could tell him and he'd understand.

Still I keep looking for that person...
The one who captivates me
diverts me from my everyday thoughts
someone who has a story to tell
something worth-while to share
who is not driven by the opinions of others
a person with a warm heart
somebody who is not judgmental or prejudiced
respectful
thoughtful
accepting
hmmm...I guess I wish myself luck in finding such a thing

You always ask why I don't buy you flowers? But you forgot I did on your birthday. If you give me a sign, I will buy you flowers and go on one knee to ask for your friendship. I miss us.

My significant other lost his job and is on the look for a new one.  I know he'll find one; he's very qualified.  It won't be a local job.  There's nothing here.

I'll be left behind with our house until we can save enough cash to buy a fixer-upper home with cash.  We would never be able to sell our home for what we owe on the mortgage.  The whole process will probably take a couple of years.

We discussed it amongst other things at great length.  We know someone here that quickly became a friend, then an enemy, but never someone that we thought nothing of.  When the time comes to move, we want him to come with us.

I mentioned the idea once to him a while back when we were friends and he said yes.  We were drunk at the time and now we aren't friends.

I have no idea how to approach this.  We want to include him in our family.  Not as some kind of kinky sex thing.  How do you even ask someone if they would be okay with this when you have so many reasons not to trust?  How do you say, "Yes, we loved you and then hated you.  You're fucking family, dude!" without it being strange?

How do we tell him that he has issues and as long as he doesn't stab us in the back that we'll take him in - issues and all?  How do I say, "You need to be able to handle our issues, too."?

I hope this doesn't slip away.  Time is short.  I want my significant other to still be here physically for "the talk" that may change the dynamics of our family forever.

I feel like I have given it a pretty good shot. You are sexy, and seem to be attracted to me too. But anytime you are dressed I find you about as interesting as a box of hair.

If your wife adores you I would suggest you stick it out.

I pushed you away. Why? I think because I have never bonded so tightly with anyone - ever. Not a bad thing, but the pain... I am still so tender. Even love hurts. And worse yet, the fear of being vulnerable. The very word brings pain. To be vulnerable means to risk more hurt. I am not strong enough to endure. Maybe not even the level of pain where it is now, certainly not more!

I know you understand. You pushed me away as well. Your scars run deep too! I have hurt you. You have hurt me. Neither ever had that intent - of this I am sure.

I let go and you let go, but the best part of the secret is that I know we will be okay. True and accepting friends are too hard to find. Let's don't dance right now; though, for I am too weak. Let's just be. Your distant presence is enough for now.

I'm trying so hard. Please don't hate me, friend.

Most people disgust me. They're fat and gross and wear ugly clothes, but it's mostly their fat that disgusts me. I also am disgusted by people's dating choices. Are you really so insecure? IDK though I'm starting to think it's only personality that matters. I'm hot as hell but single cause I'm shy and won't look people in their eyes. Then again I'm only hot when I'm not fat.

I'm still waiting for your Valentines Day card to come in the mail. I check my mail box every day because I think you forgot to send it to me on time.

I try to stop loving you. I can't. I love even your flaws. Maybe I love those the most. I love the way you laugh at yourself. I love the way you hardly ever smile. I love your face, every angle and every bone and imperfection that makes it just so. I love your voice and the way it gives me shivers. I want to hear it whispering in my ear. I love that what you don't say is usually more important than what you do. I love you. It was my fate.

i know my best friends secret.  i found her prescription bottle of valtrex on the nightstand while helping her find her keys. it also had a refill why dint she tell me. now i know i dont want her man for sure!!

i cant stop thinkin of him...

I work in a large public school that is all prek and kindergarten ONLY. 6 full day classrooms 4 half day, and 2 pre k classes. The women who work there are all (with the exception of me) 50 year olds and they are the worst bunch of hags I have ever worked with. The hate everything and everyone, me included. The watch me and criticize my every move. But god forbit they take on some SPND's kids in their class! They hate that my kids are the loud kids, or the problem kids, they ask me garbage like, "who is in charge of this kid or is that kids yours?" I have 6 kids on ed plans and a load of behavior problems. The other classrooms have a range from 0 to maybe 4 ed plans!
We cant for one second work as a team without my damaging their precious and delicate egos. Or battling their control issues.
They have no respect for all that I'm trying to do and help with:(
They say things to me like, "Don't worry, these kids will still have their chance at Harvard after were done with them!" or "I only do the bare minimum that is required to get by in my job."
and its kindergarten for goodness sake!
this is dumb and I cant quit because there are no frickin jobs in this state!

i fantasize about meetin u P.K.  accross the street from your office is the library where ... i want to have my way with u even tho we are both married... wth invite ur wife so long as i have u nothing else matters.... mmmmm P.A.

You don't know it yet,




but we're going to get married. =]

i am in my 40's/married/and dont know anybetter... i want him and wish he was as interested in meeee as i want him ... mmmm   i

No one has believed in me like Alan and Alex. Thank you :)


-TM

he hasnt even been going out with her for 4 hours, and hes already cheated on her with me :) this soo isnt going to last. its probably bad that it makes me this happy, but i cant help it. i love him, and theyre all wrong for each other. ill just have to wait...

Everytime I think I'm over you, you appear again in whatever crazy way without knowing what you're really doing. That's not the problem. The problem is that I don't mind.

Tom Leykis is the man. He talks sense.

i want to spend each minute of every day for the rest of my life making you happy. i wish that the rest of my life could start right now.
when you're ready, just say the word and i'm there...

Lonely. Want change of evironment. Warmth? Go south. Love someone else, it won't work here.

I'm planning my final exit tonight.

I tell you my internet connection isn't reliable because I don't want to Skype with you. The truth is the internet here works like a charm.

I'm in that horrible place where I'm hyper sensitive.  Where every sigh, every deep breath drawn, every bump by someone else...  I just am in this place.  I know it's my fault I'm here.

It's a conscious thing, though.  I recognize this place.  I've been here many times before.

Only, I know now - it's not all about me.  Other people are having their own day.  

I only have to stay in this place if I don't ask for help.  So, I'm going to ask.

Whew.

I hate these employers who don't want to tell you how much they pay until you get to the interview.  If I have to travel for an hour to get to an interview, I want to know it will be worth it, not some job paying $8/hour.  If I knew that, I wouldn't go.  Also, these employers who want cover letters for some bullshit 8 dollar an hour gig.  Are you for real?

I can't believe it's been a year since we've been together.  A year since we've had sex, a year since you texted me back, a year since I felt amazing.

Now, a year later, I'm a better person, you're not.

And I still miss you because you were the only person to ever treat me like I mattered.  Like I was the most important person to you.  I've never had that before or since then.

I die a little bit each day I'm alone.

I am back where I started a few months ago. The boredom is back and it is slowly driving me crazy. I know that I should not have pursued you, but for a short while it gave me some hope that life was exciting again.

  I know that we are back to being friends now, but I feel like I probably will fade away from that in the near future.

i keep having  sex with guys that i meet online...i let them fuck me and if i like them i only use them for sex.
If i don't like them i never call them again .

i can't stop thinking about sex....my pussy is always ready for more cock....love to watch porn and play with my phat pussy till i cumm.

Since my husband started cheating,I started looking myself..and now i had over ten affairs, i really enjoy getting fucked....my husband doesn't like to eat pussy but i found a that is so good at it he makes he cumm so hard in his mouth.

without you Sonia I am completely alone in the world.  Without you there is no hope, no warmth, no light and no life.  Just a vast empty blackness that envelopes me, pushes me down, tramples my heart and squeezes the breath out of me.

The blackness will kill me soon.  That is the best thing because when I'm dead at least you won't have to worry I'll ever talk/see/visit you again.  You need not have worried about my seeing you ever again because I made a decision months ago never to come back.

To be honest, I'm not sure what I did to deserve being cut off from your light.  True, I did decide never to come back.  But I wanted and needed to keep you as a friend.

I decided never to come back because being around such wonderful people knowing I'd never have my own family and would forever be the third wheel... it just hurt too much.  But I fully intended on continuing to live because I had you to help me.

I figured that someday with your help and friendship my heart would heal.  

but now there is no doubt that living without you is fatal.  There's a constant throbbing pain that clouds my mind and stiffles my heart.  It's a pervasive all encompassing hurt that can only be quelled by that which I no longer have.  You.

I like to get fucked when I'm on my period.  Ok, it looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it FEELS so good.

Why do people make crap up all the time?  I'm so tired of it.  I go into a meeting and clearly some person has some personal bias, he wants to get his away about something, so he just makes up "facts" about profit margins.  Or he fabricates what some other group has done.  He'll say anything to get some bogus project approved.

In kindergarten I learned this is called "lying".  In the business world this is called "a plan".

What a fucked up way to abusively spend other people's money. And then when it all falls apart in two years, these same people make lame excuses -- "Oh golly gee I have no idea why it didn't work.  Must have been someone else's fault..."  Or my favorite catch-all excuse.  "The surprise lack of profitably has to do with the changing economic conditions in China."

China?  We live here.

You know what I do?  I call people out on their made up "facts".  I show what the real numbers are.  I show in advance exactly how the projects will play out.

You know where this gets me?

Nowhere.  People think I'm an asshole -- "Oh that guy is always causing trouble.  He should be fired."

You know what world?  I give up.  I quit.  You are all assholes.  You are all the experts and I am no one.  So do things your way.  Let it get even more fucked up.  You're on your own now.  

I'm going to go work with John Galt.

i can't stop fantasizing about what our first kiss will be like... i had the sweetest dreams :)

You broke my heart and ruined me 2 years ago.  You were a much older married man who took advantage of me being vulnerable, young, and in love with you.  You were the only thing in the world I cared about and you ripped me apart.

Yet you still email and text me after all this time - especially now that I've moved out of my parents house and have an apartment.  You're looking to come over, get a quick blow job, and go back home to your wife.  You just want some quick satisfaction.  But do you know what it does to me?  Do you even care?  Do you even remember that passionate love that we shared - and how much you cared about me and took care of me and held me in your arms and said you would never forget me and love me forever??

It hurts when you come over for 20 minutes, make out with me, feel me up, get your blow job, and then head for the door.  You make me feel like a whore.  That's why I've stopped letting you come over, that's why I've started ignoring your emails.  I have a boyfriend now and he's amazing.  Of course he doesn't make me feel as crazy in love as you did, but he's such a wonderful person and he really loves me so much and takes care of me and has a good future - he even wants to marry me!  Why would I throw it all away on you?  

You freakin loser!  Take your small dick and your one minute before you cum and get lost.  You're a loser and you're ugly and you're almost 40 now!  You smoke and drink and your body is so spent.  You still think you're 25 by the way you dress and talk and drive.  You used to be hot...but it's over now.  You've got a kid and a wife and a house with 2 cars in the driveway and a swing set in the back yard.  Just forget it.  

I'm young and blonde  and tan and just entering my 20's.  My career is taking off, my hot boyfriend with his motorcycle and his sexy military uniform is holding my hand when we walk through the mall and he buys me whatever I want.  My parents love him, my siblings love him, and he comes to family parties and talks shop with my uncles.  He makes me happy.  I'm going to the beach with my friends, laughing, and talking about what our weddings will be like one day.  I'm living and your dying.  You broke my heart and now I'm leaving you behind.  You could've had it all and now you have everything that you didn't want.  And before you go to email me next time -- just remember: I'm gone.

OMG! IN NEED OF GOOD JOURNALS HELP!

i think you're a coward.. and now you won't even talk to your own daughter? enough is enough grow up and act like our father.

please text me cuz i am dying to text u.  don't u think about me?  well dont ya? damn i miss u GI. F*ck!!!

I you can't be a father to me, what can you be?

When I was 18, I filled my car with all the material possessions that were important to me (i.e. not much) and I left the state of my birth for better horizons. I only had a couple hundred bucks, I didn't know anyone where I was going, and I was terrified out of my skull. I spent a couple of months in a homeless shelter once I got where I was going while I worked to save up money for my own place. Homeless shelters are great places to find yourself, by the way. I made some of the best friends in my life there. A great deal of the bullshit outer layers of a person get stripped off when you're in that kind of situation, and its easier to connect with others in a real way, if you put yourself out there.
Anyway, back to the point. I did get my own place, and I found an even better job. After a few years and many good times and good friendships (and one prerequisite idiot ex), I found the love of my life. We've been together for a little over a year, and we're getting married soon. I'll be 23 later this year, and through the good times and the bad, I can honestly say that my decision to pick up and leave was the best decision I have ever made. That soul-deep wanderlust, and the need to seek something better for myself are two things I cherish about myself, and I am so glad I chose to follow my heart. If I hadn't, I would never have found the happiness I did.  
Don't be afraid of the unknown. Leap forward-there are better things out there than you can yet imagine!

I need to stop thinking like a shallow bitch. He doesn't need to be good looking so that we could have a great relationship.

I tasted my cum and it was really sweet... I think it was the pineapple.

You will NEVER see the contents of my iPod. I promise you, it's for the best.

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you say you dont have time for me cause you're trying to get your grades up and get back in shape for lifeguarding. So i ask you about this friday to hangout, but you ignored that question. I ask you again on the phone and you tell me you're going to a party. WTF, so you dont make time for me, but you'll have time to go to parties. i dont get it, you see these kids everyday, but our last real date was 3 weeks ago.

I don't NEED your friendship. I can be just fine with the people I've befriended on the other side who don't blow me off as "punishment" because I dare to have a busy life. I am under no obligation to check in every 5 minutes because you are too insecure to believe our friendship can survive any other way. It's your choice to be a pissant drama queen, but my choice whether I feel like responding to it. Go fuck yourself.

You don't really love me, do you? Please tell me so I don't ruin my life following you around.

i wish i could just pick up and leave, and forget where i'm at. I want something new. I want a place where no one knows me. But i'm so scared that i will be stuck alone that i don't go.

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i tasted my cum tonight for the first time after masterbating for like 2 hours. just because. tastes kinda bitter.
i miss tasting you
19/f

You're the only person who can save my life. Im the only person that can save yours.
I want to be with you forever and always my love. Nothing else makes sense to me. I cant breathe without you.
I dream of the day I will marry you

i could help if he'd only let me in

I asked for you. I think you asked for me too.

After being married for a little while now I can safely say that I miss the times where I could just stare at pictures of Natalie Portman with a beer in one hand and my dick in the other. My wife has been asleep for a while now and guess what I'm doing?

i think she's on to us...

Omg I am so in love with him! Why can't I just tell him? Because I'm scared I guess. I have really tried to not think about it and just be his friend. I've gone out with other guys but its just not the same, it's not him. Ugh, sometimes I wish I could do a preview and see what would happen first so I could see if I should tell him.

I live in an apartment with 2 bathrooms.  I always thought this was a great feature and one of the reasons why I chose to rent this place - because they don't have 24 hour maitenance, but if I ever break one of the toilets, I have a second to use just in case!  Very good idea.

However, I came to quickly realize that the upstairs toilet SUCKS.  It clogs no matter what.  I don't put anything besides toilet paper and, of course, waste in the toilet.  I don't even use it for #2 anymore because it's so temperamental - it's just always clogged...no matter what!  It got to the point where I just stopped using it all together one day when it became clogged.  And I was so embarrassed about calling the handy man multiple times that I just left it clogged one day, kept the cover down, and just only used the toilet downstairs.

About 2 weeks ago I had a visitor who clogged the downstairs toilet - oh no!  Now I have no where to go!!  I work a crazy job about 7 days a week, I'm never home and when I am I'm always in a rush and late for something and throwing clothes around trying to find something to wear and showering and running out to get in my car and drive to another work event.  So I haven't had time to deal with the problem.  It's embarrassing, but I've just been going on top of the clogged toilet.  So gross, but I finally had a night off tonight and decide to plunge my heart out.  It was getting so smelly that i almost vomitted.  I couldn't believe I had let it get that bad!

I finally looked up how to unclog a toilet on google.  A lot of people suggested dish water soap and hot water.  Almost every person on the forum - and there were hundreds - said that it worked for them.  I just tried it...and the toilet is still clogged.  And that's only one toilet.  I have a whole other one to work on tomorrow.

This is probably the grossest thing I've ever done.

It's my birthday, and I'm so so happy to be alive. 6 months ago,I didn't think I would make it here.

God I pray that you bring me the guy you have for me soooooonnn.

I'm upset that nip/tuck is over.  That show was great for a few years, then it fell off a bit, but this last season was pretty good in my opinion.  That show is toooo much and I loved it!  That was my super guilty pleasure, that show was sick.  There is no other show like it, what am I gonna watch to replace it?  This sucks.  I'm also sad for Christian that Kimber killed herself a few episodes ago...

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Today, someone told me annonymously through a website that I'm morbidly obese, my hair is gross, I look like a man because I don't like to wear make up, and I only hangout with gay people because straight ones don't like me.

My response to that:
1.) I'm not even that fat, yeah I'm a bit chubby but I'm more than comfortable with that.
2.) my hair is a two tone color, and I let my friend in cosmo experiment on me. It's my fucking hair, if you don't like don't fucking look.
3.) I think makeup is gross, it's for people with no self confidence, everyone gets zits, everyone has blimishes, deal with it.
4.) I have one gay friend, he's pretty damn amazing too. Stop being a dumbass.

So, while you may have ruined my day with that comment, and I may not know who you are, I'm going to be okay.
And, fuck off.

I see through everyone.
I don't much like this super power.

why do people insist on making love so damned conventional...?

I miss people that probably don't even remember me.

1. i'm so in love with you. too bad it's never gonna happen.

2. i'm severely depressed and refuse to get the help.

3. i make myself talk to people everyday. but in all honesty i'd rather not.

4. my dad sexually/mentally/and physically abused me when i was a kid.

5. everyday i wonder what my life would be like if i had made different decision's.

6. i have a feeling i'm going to end up marrying the person i am with because i'm too scared to try something new. it's not what i want, but i think i'm going to do it because i'm punishing myself for everything i've ever done.

7. i've hurt alot of people, very few do i feel bad about.

8. i'm slowly dying. i can't tell anyone though because i don't want the sympathy. i have 5 year's max. and that's if i continue treatment's and med's and i don't want to anymore

I have lived 20 years without seeing you.  You destroyed me.  I cannot even believe you would consider going to that reunion.  You are not going to ruin my night, I've been looking forward to this. Why don't you stay in the fucking hole you crawled into in 1989?

I knew everything before you told me.  I hope you knew everything before I told you too.  Love me please.  Not your ex who is with another guy and who leads you on, shes a joke, I am for real.

I hate that I cant find a guy that likes me that I am attracted too.  I don't understand why I can find so many guys that I like, but they never care for me back.
With Him he was so sweet.  He was the first guy that acted interested in me.  When I met him he was so nice, talking to me, asking me questions about my life and everything.  When we left he said it was really nice to meet me! Then I went on Facebook and immediately he began talking to me.  We ended up doing homework together and it was great. We talked for three hours about everything.  He gave me his number and told me to text him. The next night we did homework together again. Then he texted me after doing homework and told me we go good together and that he wanted to hang out! Then one night he asked me to hang out, but it didn't work out because it was really late and I was already at a party.  I played it cool this whole time, just enough so I didn't seem needy, but so that he would see that I was in to him.  Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, he stops talking to me like he used to.  I see him often but its not the same.  REALLY! Why did he act so interested and nice and sweet and make me fall so hard for him, and then just cut it off.  I don't understand and I just want to cry all the time.  

I guess I just feel like something is wrong with me because I never find a guy that I really like that likes me back or even wants to get to know me so that they can fall for me.  Im not ugly either.  I have a pretty face and long blonde hair.  Im 5 foot 8 inches and 150 pounds.  WHAT THE HECK! I want to cry all the time.

I have only known him for three weeks, and yet he has completly consumed me.  Everything was so amazing and we have so much in common and to talk about.  Why does this happen?

Symptoms of severe depression:Feelings of sadness or unhappiness
Irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities
Reduced sex drive
Insomnia or excessive sleeping
Changes in appetite — depression often causes decreased appetite and weight loss, but in some people it causes increased cravings for food and weight gain
Agitation or restlessness — for example, pacing, hand-wringing or an inability to sit still
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Indecisiveness, distractibility and decreased concentration
Fatigue, tiredness and loss of energy — even small tasks may seem to require a lot of effort
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself when things aren't going right
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent thoughts of death, dying or suicide
Crying spells for no apparent reason
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

I HAVE ALL THESE SYMPTOMS!!
I need to see a doctor!

I don't need a brilliant girl. Honestly, I think I would be too intimidated if the girl was smarter than me. But come on, I would like a girl whose life doesn't revolve around things prepubescent girls find entertaining. A girl who likes to go outside every once in a while. You're so goddamn lazy. You lose 3 pounds and think that's a goddamn accomplishment. What about the 20 you put on before that? What if we have kids? You'll balloon up and be too god damn lazy to take it off again. I think you're beautiful but I don't know if I can handle that.

I need a person who I can have an intelligent conversation with I think is what it comes down to. I don't give a fuck why Harry Potter is better than Twilight. I don't give a fuck that you can quote shit from Twilight or can tell me why Jane Eyre is the best author ever. I don't give a fuck!

Just like you don't care that I can tell you every bone in the human body. That I can give logical explanations of why people act in certain ways, or use science and reason to explain my points on arguments we have.

Logic may be boring as fuck to you, but you're boring as fuck to me. Girls mature faster than boys my ass. I'm married to a fucking 12 year old.  

Bide my time...It'll all be over soon. Get my degree, find a girlfriend to wean on to so that I don't have to go through that single life shit again.

I need a girl...who is a woman.

Statistics don't lie.

Don't get married to your high school "sweetheart". You're playing against the odds if you think your marriage will survive.

I'm just biding my time until the day I can finally leave.

Girls, you don't all have to be size 2. But good god, if your stomach rolls over your jeans, don't blame guys for not finding you attractive. There are chubby chasers out there, so either lose some weight or look for one of them.

I used to cut.  I haven't in a while.  I can't get it past my conscience.  So instead I'm going to break my hand. I promised someone I wouldn't cut, and I don't want to lie to him again.  Breaking my hand isn't the same. It's better than killing myself right? Well not for other people.  Or anoyone really.

I am so broken. I feel shattered. I am. Ouch. sucksssssss

I am begging you, please please stick to your word. I give you one month.. One more month of this and Im gone. I wont ever turn my back on you, Ill always be here if you absolutely need me, but Im not listening anymore and Im not pretending like Im not dying inside.
I love you, please dont let me down.

In the past, I've met a couple of guys whom I would've fucked in a heartbeat if given the chance.

But it never happened, and it's really rare that I feel that way about a guy. Most of the time? I don't want guys to come near me. I'll flirt with a guy and think, "Maybe I'll go out with him," but then I think about potentially making out with him and I just shut down. The idea of letting him touch me makes me feel uncomfortable, almost violated.

When my boyfriend used to call me sexy or hint that he wanted more, it didn't make me feel sexy or feminine or powerful. It made me feel like he just wanted my body, like he was after it and I had to protect it from him. He never meant it that way. He was such a sweet guy. But that's how I felt. It's so fucked up.

I'm afraid I'll never actually let a guy fuck me, because even if I want him, when he gets too close, I'm afraid I'll always feel used.

I don't know why I feel this way. It's not that I'm not turned on by guys. I'm about a 1 on the Kinsey Scale, and I have very little interest in women. And I've never been abused or molested or anything.

But I just hate knowing that a guy wants my body. It's my body. I don't think I want to give it away. And I'm afraid I never will.

How do all you guys that have told me this over the past fews weeks have the balls to tell me that you like/love/miss me, when I can't even voice it to the only one person who I'd die for?

I fucking love you. Let me kiss you.

I'm holding my breath the entire day and holding my secret with it. I hate this job. Hate. I'm being suffocated for lack of creativity and I need to get out.

If we strip down life to its purest all we have are feelings. I'm using those feelings to guide me, but to feel good I need to tolerate pain the entire day so I can burrow myself into my home at night.

How do so many people do this their entire lives? 8 hours a day is asking a lot, especially when its expected that you take your work home.

Someone help me soon.

I met two guys today whom I could potentially end up going out with. It made me feel better than I have in a long time.

But I'd give up any chance I had with both of them just to spend an hour with my married female ex-professor.

It's been a week and a day since she was reassigned away from me. I haven't seen her since then and every time I hear someone say the word "čtyři" I'm reminded of how much I miss her. I just want to see her again.

Fuck.

Bonus secret: I technically have a boyfriend back home. I keep forgetting he exists. If I went out with one of the guys I met today, I don't think he would cross my mind even once. I never committed to him, but as is the way of men, he thinks I did the moment I let him kiss me. He's wrong.

Homeless since January 2007. You would never know.

What we have, folks, is a shut-up ring. I will hold off this lifetime commitment thing for as long as it takes. It means nothing without a set date anyway.

I can't believe he's related to me. He made my life a living-hell when I was younger by abandoning me like I was nothing then tried to get back in as if he'd never left.. I was strong enough to get past his bullshit for 19 years and succeed in everything I tried. Are his next two kids going to be as lucky? Somehow I don't think so. He finally crossed a line that he will never, ever, be able to take back. And for that I will never forgive him. My last name will be changed tomorrow so that I will never have a piece of him attached to myself. Thanks dad (or as I like to call you "biological sperm donor"), you really showed me how NOT to raise children.

I was really stressed out about my life and this job I have before I came to this page and then I realized that I am pretty lucky right now in my life.

People are generally holding back.
People are generally hiding something.
People are generally constantly looking for the next thing that can make them feel better.

As I have aged I have realized that the optimism of my youth and faith in people was false. Now that I am older I still have faith in people, yet I know that nothing is certain.

Life is up and down. Not just up. Not just down.

p.s. I work in the insurance industry and I can tell you right now. Health care is fucked up. Mad, fucked up and no health reform is going to fix it. The private sector isn't going to fix it.

As long as people are in control there will be problems.

i am assamed at the fact that i molested my lil step brother when we were younger...people tell me that it wasnt your fault you didnt know better....i think i did and i think im sick for doing it...he will never forget and neither will i...i hate myself for doing that and wish i never would have...that is my secret and this is the first time anyone has heard it since it happened... iv never had the courage to tell anyone...but telling the world may make a difference...ryan... im so sorry

I tell people I have quit smoking while I sneak around smoking cigarettes....jesus...addiction makes all it's members sad liars.

I wonder how to compose myself as a sane person when I'm PMSing and just want to scream for a day straight?  Really.  I'm a mom, a wife, and smart...but PMS ALWAYS gets me in trouble.  I have to close myself off from the world for fear of just screaming completely unfair and irrational shit at people.

Thankfully it only lasts for a day or so.

Last night we were hanging out talking about MW2 and you were in your pajamas.  You don't know how close I came to taking you by the shoulders, bending you over a bit, yanking down your pajama bottoms and slipping my big hard cock into you.  Good grief I want to fuck you so bad!

My local youth group was shut down a few weeks back and the leaders are trying to get it restarted by writing appeals and one of them started a facebook group. Yes it's a shame they closed this place down and kids have nothing to do on a friday, but when you spell thanks and fanks, and write I no know one rather than I know no one, maybe they are better off away from you. This girl also works with children, there is no hope for the next generation.

I wish that I could say what I really want, but I can't because it makes no logical sense.

I cannot wait to rescue you from you're life which is you're own living hell.
Im here you always. I just love love love you!

I SWEAR I JUSZ GO CRAZY WEN I SEE DIS DUDE! HE'S FUCKIN HOT! LOL BUT HE TRYNA GIT WIT MY FREN... ND DIS GIRL I DNT REALLY LIKE... UGH WE WUS KEWL....REAL KEWL... NOW I JUS HATE THE SITE OF HIM CUZ I KNO THINGS AINT GOIN BAC THA WAY DEY WUR... DAT TIME @ D BATHROOM WUDDA WENT FURTHER...THANK GOD I HAD SELF-CONTROL.... I WUDDA LOST MY VIRGINITY ND THE WAY WE R NOW...JUS AINT WURTH IT... DAT DAM E.E.A

Am I the only one who thinks Sarah Palin looks like a real life version of Peggy Hill?

You've confirmed it. You have serious issues that are beyond my ability to deal with. How do I get myself into these things?

A small word of advice: If a guy has a hard time getting hard while you're stimulating him, you need to switch up the technique! Just because you put a dick in your mouth does not mean it feels good or that he will get off.

Furthermore, you're fucking nuts having casual sex like that! I told you that guys are scoundrels! I guess some lessons can't be taught... but damn, you sure are looking stupid right now and I'm trying SO HARD to hold back saying "I TOLD YOU SO!"

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YOU LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM OVERNIGHT I GET TO BUST A NUT ON THEM. THATS THE DEAL.

I should be out looking for a job, but really, you can only get turned down so much before you feel like the next refusal you might just flip out or cry or something that is just not good. Much better to skip a day and relax.

I ignore politics and hope for the best. I am 99% of the people.

I have had 5 abortions in my life, one abortion was with twins and I feel like I am going to rot in hell for what I've done. I had my tubes removed and I still have nightmares about abortions. If I'm ggoing to hell for that, then I might as well take my own life. Its not worth it anymore.

I told you I got your back forever! Meant every word of it.. We just have to work pass our anger. I miss our small talks

Could it be that I have Crohn's Disease? If so, bring it on! Single-digit sizes, here I come!

I got really drunk and slept at my x-boyfriends. We didn't have sex because he threw up, and I passed out. I don't remember ANYTHING.

I'm a girl and i really really like to watch gay porn

he carries my heart in a ziplock bag..

i don't fucking know.

Have you ever been used to annoying the person you love most?  I think it's one of the worst feelings ever, besides the first time they tell you that you're annoying them.

I am a good girl. Well, I like to think so, I know that I could be seen as at best a rebel in good girls clothes.

Its the only way I know how to get your attention.

I don't want your money.

I don't want your half asses excuses.

I want a father.

I know you resented me at birth, hell I would too if my kid was born while I was over seas and had only had sex with my wife once and it was drunken at best.

I am yours, the test proved that.

Yet you covet my sister, she is your clone, matching pale blond locks, and Ice blue eyes.

I look like a clone of the woman that ripped your heart (and several others) out. Dark hair, deep blue eyes, slightly upturned nose that looks right on my face, but wrong had it been bigger.

I learn like you, I share the same interest as you, hell, I even eat the same foods as you.

Those are things that don't matter in your canabus induced haze though huh? They are not tangable, and there for irrelivant.

I hate you, as much as I can possibly can. Your the one person I can hate. Truely hate.

I learned to read you, your a coward, the fat kid, and teen you watched grow up from a distance is a young woman now, and she is exactly like you in personality, and even thought processes.

Yea we both think we are to blame for everything, and cover that really well, we are both people who are filled with wonder lust, but crave serenity and peace.

Here is were I am different then you Daddy.

I refuse to hide anymore, I realized it makes things worse. I face my fears, both known, and unknown daily.

I have panic attacks that are triggered at the sites of gold mini vans, a certain body build, places, circumstances.

You? Your a pathetic, cowering fool, with a wise head on his shoulders, who knows its too late to fix things, but instead of fixing things, just a bit, you continue to play ignorance.

Men don't like me.

Okay, I should be more specific.

A specific type of male doesn't like me.

They're always the same kind of male. These guys who are trying very, very hard to be alpha-males, but not quite pulling it off. Most of the time, they're single and unable to find suitable companionship- They probably blame women for their situation, but frankly, it's because they're too uptight or picky (sorry, no size 2 super-modelesque girl is going to dump her boyfriend who's getting a PhD from Harvard in Astrophysics just because you have a crush on her and she works one cubicle over from you. This is especially true when you have average looks, earn an average salary, and, most importantly, have the personality of an angry iguana on Meth). All of them act like they're perfect and outstanding in their jobs, but, when you take a moment and actually look at their work, you realize that the quality is only slightly above average. Or at least... I realize it.

Maybe that's why they hate me. They realize I'm bright enough to see through them.

Or maybe I flatter myself by thinking that.

There's been one in every job I've had. It's funny, since my mother always told me to watch my back around other women- That they would be the ones to compete with me and undermine me professionally. Oddly enough, other women seem to love me. I've never had a problem with any of my female bosses- In fact, they've been the ones who've tried to develop me professionally and groom me for leadership. It's been MEN, every time a MALE, who has impeded my growth. At best, I've done alright with male supervisors- At worst- Well, one hired me, abruptly decided during training that he didn't like me, and WOOSH- I was gone like yesterday's lunch. Should have ruined my life- Almost did. I then met the woman who hired me at my current company. My current role is perfect. I love what I do. Everything in my life would be JUST-FUCKING-PERFECT- If it weren't for that one bitchy male coworker who just doesn't like me and goes out of his way to undermine me, bully me, spread gossip about me, and tries to make me feel down on myself.

Again... It's only men I have this problem with.

I'm very independent and outspoken, and there's something vaguely tomboyish about me. At times, I've wondered if perhaps I was too masculine.

I've tried dressing in a more overtly feminine manner. I've tried acting "girly." I've tried being quiet. I've tried everything, but it never works- These bitchy men just love to bully me.

Secret:

Even though everyone around me insists it's because I'm smart and not a pushover, sometimes, I wonder if it just means I'm ugly.