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190892.

883: Come on. We've all heard that joke/story before. Don't try to pass it off as yours. Did you also release 3 pigs into your high school as a senior prank and number them 1, 2, and 4? Smh.


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190891.

I wouldn't mind sleeping with my sister's husband.


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190890.

I really only watch "Intervention" for the eyebrow fails.


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190889.

You really want to do it. You do. There's no reason you can't get a job there. I don't know what your degree is in, but there are a lot of jobs nowadays that you can do remotely wherever you are, as long as you have a computer with internet. If you're too scared to commit, go volunteer there for a few months after you finish school. There are organizations that you can sign up with to do that.

If you want to do it so badly, you should.


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190888.

I hate that he's most likely tracking me over the internet and seeing this.  I wish he would stop.


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190887.

Dear future me,

I am so sorry. I am so sorry for not being strong enough to leave. I have dreamed of moving to Hawaii since I was about 10 I think. I know I need to leave but I am an insecure person. When I tell people about my hopes and aspirations, they all seem to support me until I actually want to do it. I was really into interior design, but my mother said there was no chance of getting a job in that sector. After I had gotten my bachelor and Master degree I could do whatever I wanted to, but at least I had relevant knowledge.

I am halfway my Master's now, and I am networking as much as possible in order to get a job. Will I ever do anything that truly interests me? Probably not. But hey, at least I have two papers proving that I'm 'smart'.

Every summer I have spent at my grandma's, at her farm. When I told people I could live there to which they told me I was just being a silly girl. I remember not saying anything much, but just shaking it off. I remember that my grandma was the only one who truly believed in me. My mother was the one who always wanted to protect me, always wanted to get the best for me. I am on my way now to have a so-called perfect life, I have a loving boyfriend, nice friends, a healthy lifestyle, an education, a roof above my head. This makes me feel even more ashamed of feeling so unhappy all the time. I feel like I try to be happy when I am around people, but when I am on my own, I almost always cry. I remember after people who were really close to me died, I would often cry myself to sleep for over a year. And I have lost a few people in my life who meant a lot to me.

I am 22 now and I always have a really strong gut feeling, but I am not decisive enough to just pack up and go. I am sorry future self, but I think there will come a moment in my life where I would actually not be able to take it anymore and just pack my bag and go. When I tell my boyfriend that I want to move abroad he says that we would not be able to find a good and high-paying job somewhere in Hawaii. The point of living becomes less and less for me every year and I am wondering how long it will take for me to break.

I am probably depressed and I think I am oversensitive and have anxiety. But i just CANNOT open up fully to anyone. I had to had to go back and sit silently in the classroom when my dad died at the age of 9 FOR FUCKS SAKE. I often just hope that I don't wake up. Because going to Hawaii and follow my dream just feels less scary than dying.

I remember reading a postcard on PostSecret about a someone who was suicidal and just decided to leave everything behind and just traveled all around the world. After having seen the blue footed booby, she felt like life was worth living. I still think about that postcard sometimes and I just envy how brave she was. I am not even brave enough to cry in front of my loved ones. If I am imploding and just cannot hold it anymore, then I can let a tear slip, but I am just not able to fucking cry for real in front of fucking anyone. If I will get a legit chance to leave, I just might. Goodnight.


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190886.

TRYING TO REASON WITH AN ALCOHOLIC, IS LIKE TRYING TO BLOW OUT A LIGHT BULB. ANOTHER GREAT THANKSGIVING IN THE BOOKS.


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190885.

Spending thanksgiving with my in laws without my husband.. feel so lonely and out of place. I just want to go home :(


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190884.

I want to pound your fat mulatto ass so badly! Ever since you told me you love rough fucking it's all I can think about.


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190883.

My gf tells the story of going to the gynecologist. The doctor had her lay back and open her legs. He looked for a moment and then called the nurse over.  He told her to go get the other doctor in the office to come take a look.

My gf was terrified. What were they looking at? Was something wrong?

The other doctor came in and said something like, "Well, I've never seen that before!"

The doctor then explained her malady.... she had a postage stamp sticking to her vagina. LOL.

My gf explained to the docs that she keeps her stamps in the same drawer with her underwear.  Ooops.


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190882.

I'm looking forward to a drama free thanksgiving tomorrow. It'll be my second one now as well as my second sober holiday season.  

My life is a thousand times better than I could have ever imagined it.


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190881.

876- Same here! They hate his first wife... they LOVE his second wife!


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190880.

What is the point of life? We watch TV. We snap at people. We stuff our faces with bad food. We are a bunch of fakers pretending our lives have some great significance. But each of us are nothing. Then we have kids and pass along the burden of nothingness onto them and their generation. And on and on. What is the point of all this?


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190879.

My family watches the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade every year. I hate it. So much fake spirit and celebration. So much crass commercialism. And all the lip synced performances.  It is fucking unwatchable.


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190878.

I have watched every single Gilmore Girl episode at least three times. Do you watch C-Span? You explain yours, I'll explain mine.

I don't regret a minute of it! I love the way they ended the series on Netflix with Rory being pregnant.

Gilmore the merrier!!!


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190877.

876- I like how you think ;) hehehehe my pleasant demeanour around my husbands family is for similar reasons. Really I can't stand them but you'd never know.


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190876.

I'm really nice to my hubby's family so that if he ever divorces me, I will be missed and they will be mad at him for giving up on such a wonderful wife.


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190875.

I live on the fringe. It's kind of lonely.


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190874.

Baby girl thinks she got it done tonight on my work back but she doesn't know I was authorized to go Godfather.

Enjoy your last week of employment.


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190873.

I wear reading glasses. I don't need them all the time. I keep them in my pocket on the ready. Sometimes I reach in my pocket to get them and they are stuck. One of the arms gets caught in a fabric seam or something. It's infuriating. The more I tug the more stuck they get. There have been a few times where I got so mad that I grabbed the glasses and with all my might I ripped them out of my pocket, breaking the plastic arm in the process. I didn't care. It felt good to break the glasses. I then threw them on the floor and stomped the living shit out of them. Good riddance you little uncooperative fuckers!

This is why I think it best if I don't have children.


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190872.

I'm looking forward to a drama free thanksgiving tomorrow. It'll be my second one now as well as my second sober holiday season.  

My life is a thousand times better than I could have ever imagined it.


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190871.

American Thanksgiving is better than Canadian Thanksgiving. Canadian Easter is better than American Easter.


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190870.

One chick accused a senator of indecent behavior. She was photographed  in a red white and blue halter top forcibly kissing a soldier who probably had some explaining to do to his wife.

She excepted his apology and moved on.  Then some other phony baloney story came along about an alleged ass-grab. This is just a smokescreen for the real perps.

Facts are important. One m&m tastes good. Two m&m's are an improvement. More than ten and less than twenty is a relatively decent amount when compared with one or two, but who's keeping track...

Context and nuance matter. Facts are important, but they don't mean anything without context.


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190869.

I am so fucking high right now.


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190868.

I don't see what the big deal is about Thanksgiving. Everyone's so busy stressing about it and losing their fucking minds. Obsessing about having the perfect holiday and having everything just so. Gotta impress everyone!! Please its JUST A MEAL. Throw a turkey in the oven for a few hours,put your feet up while its cooking. Then mash some damn potatoes, eat your pie you got from the store bakery and call it a day. No need for elaborate menus and 5,000 dishes. Use paper plates. Family stress you out? Don't invite them!!! Enjoy your peace and quiet. Simple.  Jesus Christ people!!!

38/f/married with kids and enjoying a stress free holiday tomorrow


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190867.

I would like to hurt a few people from my past.


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190866.

My doc wanted me to take a stool test where you have to take a dump and smear some on a piece of paper and mail it into a lab. Get real. It aint gonna happen. It's about dignity doc.


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190865.

My husband comes from a strange family. We went to the beach, by we I mean me, my husband and my sister in law. She went topless. Hello, anyone home in there? You were topless in front of your brother? Come on, that's strange.


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190864.

I wish my life was boring enough to always complain about Trump. Nah I have a life


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190863.

I think man buns are cute.


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190862.

Doug, I don't think I can do this. I feel like you will never be the person I need to see. You're all talk. You're just shockingly self centred, sexually and emotionally. You turn my words into accusations and I never know when you are being deceptive and saving up a slew of things to word in your own way and accuse me of awful things. You gave me gonorrhea once, then acted like I was the one. You are jealous, so very jealous of all people who are not YOU talking to me. You try to make me feel like I've got competition,  all the time, and like if I do anything for myself you will simply be forced to disrespect my health with your unprotected sex with who the fuck ever. The only competition I have is the nasty, ugly, and cruel person you really are. You can't hide it every second, and I see it and it's fucking bad. You're just a great pain in my ass. I don't want to help you work through your hangups and be treated badly and hear your excuses.  I just fucking hate who you are. You suck. And you refuse to be someone who I can choke down. So, fuck you.


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190861.

589 move his stuff out and change the locks. Don't walk, run.


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190860.

I don't know, call in Coincidence, or God, but I finally said "fuck it", and stopped trying to control things. I handed it over to the Lord. I prayed.
I was looking at Loans, or Debt Negotiation to cover my $20,000 in Credit Card Debt. Rejected, rejected. Too much debt on cards, maxed out, etc.

And then, a check came in the mail yesterday for $20,000 as part of an Inheritance! legit. Cashed.


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190859.

I got back in touch online with an old ex/friend of mine I dated in my early 20's. At the time everything was for the most part innocent at that time, although we were pretty heavy into partying with drinking and drugs then. We now live a few states apart, and I decided to go visit him (mind you this is 10 years later and we have only spoken and seen each other a few times since dating several years back). He showed interest in me sexually and flirted, and we ended up hooking up and spending the night together in hotels and what not. After I came back home, he calls a week later saying he wants to move where I live. Now, at this point nothing seemed too crazy, I mean yes that is a bold thing to do, but he also seemed very bored of where he was at and just down, so I figured he wanted to get away a while. Then he asked to stay at my place, saying he would start looking for jobs and a place to live. During this time, still spending most of his time with me, talking with me constantly, sleeping together, etc. Then I started noticing that he was not very motivated to do anything for himself, just seemed to be freeloading all around. So, about 2 weeks in I started saying "no" a lot, stopped sleeping with him, etc., began asking when he was leaving. As soon as that started, he began targeting other women through dating apps and spending days at a time using other people as well. He started ignoring my calls and texts more and didn't seem to care at all that it upset me. I knew right away I was dealing with a sociopath. One night I was distraught over the whole thing and downed a bunch of vodka and completely blacked out, later to find out that he had along with another woman I do not know, carried me outside to my car, then he drove me to a busy city area, and left me inside the running vehicle in a parking lot. I ended up with a DWI that night after waking up with no idea what had happened and starting to drive while still blacked out. I am even concerned that I may have been drugged. Now he has left town, and left all of his belongings he brought in my house, saying he will be back by Monday. I am really confused about what to do. I stopped communicating with him completely, but it's as if he has left me with this threat of power and that he will be back soon, and I just don't know what to do. I guess call police? I'm not even sure that what he told me about leaving town is true.


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190858.

Fact checker.  13 women have accused Trump of sexual assault.


https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/fact-checker/wp/2017/11/22/president-trump-and-accusations-of-sexual-misconduct-the-complete-list/?utm_term=.bf6ec30e75ab


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190857.

I have a plan.

There's this turkey I have to bring to my friend's house--I got it free from my job so it's an easy contribution to any Thanksgiving dinner. But her house is a few towns over, that turkey is 25lbs, and I don't have a car.

So, my plan is to wrap up the turkey, put it in a sweater to shield my skin from the cold, and wrap it inside my jacket like I'm pregnant. The jacket will be tight enough that it'll keep the bird in place, and I'll be able to go on about my business.

Then, while I'm outside the train station waiting for a bus, I'm gonna light up a cigarette and see what happens xD


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190856.

I love that President Trump loves women and show it. Women who can not handle a man's man like that should stick with school boys and their gay friends. I love sex and love men making me feel desirable . I have never been harassment as I know how to handle men that step over the line in a nice but firm way . Why is every women a helpless victim, all of a sudden? You dont know what you are missing ladies! Hot blooded Female 34.


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190855.

I say "I hate people so much" way too often. This can't be normal. Every time I see someone walking down the hallway towards me, I mumble "I hate people." I don't want to be this way. I don't think I've always been this way. Being home alone without husband or kids is an absolute heavenly dream to me. I care nothing about going places and doing things. Just let me stay home and clean house. It's cathartic to me


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190854.

Six out of 10 women in America now feel they were sexually harassed.  How do they expect men to show them they are interested in them? "He touched my shoulder- he told me I am pretty-he asked me out- he touched my hand" what bull sh*t is this? Harassment it trying to rape you or touch the other person's  private parts or breasts. There is a very BIG difference.It seems if you talk or look at  a woman it is perceived as sexual harassment. Soon men will turn to porn  the internet for 100% of their sexual gratification.Don't watch your biological clocks anymore ladies -better get a turkey baster and call a sperm bank.


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190853.

I hate being asked to talk to people in Spanish because none of the white people at my job speak it. I'm black and I've grown up in the U.S., so everything I know comes from my schooling. Even so, it's irritating, because in school we're taught European Spanish, not South American Spanish. There are a lot of minor differences, and I haven't taken a Spanish class in 7 years.

So I feel like an idiot when they look at me with a blank stare because I can't even string a sentence together that makes sense. I've also forgotten a lot, so I'll get halfway through a sentence and then forget an important word...

Sometimes I'm good at explaining around it, but a lot of the time when I try that they don't even know what concept I'm talking about. It's really frustrating and embarrassing. To a degree I know I'm psyching myself out, because I used to be better than this. But part of me fucking hates it when they go, "Oh, you speak Spanish right? Can you tell him ABCXYZ?" and I'm like "Bitch, maybe!" Fuck


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190852.

848 stick to pornhub via the phone, they're a great site who is great at monitoring for viruses.

31/F


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190851.

I work often. It seems like I'm always working. It seems like I have the right to tell work to fuck off every once in a while.

Unbeknownst to me,  while I was at home when I should've been at work, a person at work happened to be recently home from a colonoscopy.   Apparently,  during a colonoscopy, they  try their best to make you feel comfortable by giving you a drug that will help you cope while they jam stuff up your ass.

I decided to lay low. I left and went back to my house thing it would be best if I wasn't there.


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190850.

There were 19 or so accusers. He admitted to regularly assaulting women, Billy Bush not exactly what you'd call "gotcha media"

The real problem is that these so called conservatives approved of and condoned this behavior when they voted for Trump.


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190849.

It's funny - when I was in my 20s the doctors were so hard core about women getting a Pap smear every year. You weren't allowed to have birth control pills unless you had your yearly exam. Then our provincial health care changed the rules and now we're only allowed to have an exam every three years because they don't want to pay for yearly exams anymore.


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190848.

I would watch more porn, but I'm worried about accidentally downloading a virus to my phone.

F/38


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190847.

Rectal exam guy, now you know how most women feel when we go to the gynecologist, at least men don't require rectal exams until they hit certain age (late40's) maybe? Us , women need to visit the gynecologist yearly since we hit puberty.


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190846.

I had a rectal exam today. The male doctor inserted his finger up my male butt. I don't know why gay men like this sort of thing. I hate the feeling.


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190845.

I feel like I wont find anyone better than my ex
He's kind, sweet, but unambitious and not driven.
Can't find anyone perfect I guess...


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190844.

It's hilarious that the Pussy Grabber in Chief supports chief pedophile Roy Moore. Birds of a feather stick together.


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190843.

834 - I didn't share the happy childhood memories with my family like this.  I mean don't get me wrong, it wasn't any tragic story, just not super close with my family.  I've never really wanted kids.  I always wonder why so many people are so set on having children.  For the first time I finally understand it.  Your secret really made me smile and it makes me grateful that there are people like you in the world.  With all the crazy teen moms and crazies having kids, and all these rich people having kids and teaching them horrible values.  Your secret made me feel warm and fuzzy knowing someone wanted to make a family just cuz they love their family :) I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday :)


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190842.

I'm off Thanksgiving, my husband is working.  I'm spending the day ALONE and I'm so happy.  lol

I haven't told anyone this though.  They will think I'm weird, lonely, depressed etc. and will invite me their houses - which is really nice don't get me wrong, but I don't wanna go.

I'll sleep in, take a shower, put on clean pj's, start the turkey (small one) sit on the couch and watch the parade, read the paper, relax.  Eat dinner with husband, then have some pie.

Make sandwiches for work the next day (with pie) and that's it.  

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!  Introverts Unite!  lol


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190841.

Somebody at work brought in huge, fresh strawberries. As I put the entire thing in my mouth, all I could think was, it was like the head of a huge cock.....I ate many.......
f28


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190840.

Today at work I masturbated in my cubicle while I thought of you. Anyone could have walked by and seen me but they didn't. I think I have a problem.


f 38


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190839.

Last night my 14yo went on a 20-minute diatribe about everything that is wrong with my wife, her mother.  She isn't working, she's lazy around the house, yada, yada, yada.  I kept interjecting that she needs to respect her mother and that she loves her very much.

Note.  I never said a word of what she said was wrong.


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190838.

I think it's funny what's happening in the country now with sexual harassment. The media desperately tried to pin sexual harassment on Trump. They made a big deal out of it. They said sexual harassment is never to be tolerated and Trump should be fired.

Only problem, no real woman has ever come forward to say Trump sexually harassed her.

But.... it turns out so many people in the media have been sexually harassing women all along. They scolded Trump - even though he did nothing - while they themselves were guilty.

And since they made such a big deal out of sexual harassment being unforgivable, all these media people are being forced to resign.

Ha ha. Their lies and dramatics backfired and it's costing them their careers. Now that is justice!


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190837.

Weed is awesome at night, great high, then right to sleep, but DAMMIT, it makes me so bloated and gassy the next day !


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190836.

As a guy I would never sexually harass a woman. I would get no joy out of pressuring a woman to let me touch her. I would be disgusted with myself. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy being physical with women, but only if they genuinely want to take part. Those men who pressure women are sickos.


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190835.

I accidentally shit my pants today as I was farting.  Im a grown man!  How fucking embarassing.


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190834.

I think I wanted to have kids because I had such a great family life growing up. A lot of good memories and a lot of laughter. My family honestly just enjoyed each other's company. My sisters and I are all grown up and moved away now, but we're all still very close. I guess I wanted to carry that on and have that in my own home.

My kids are both very young still but they're already so smart and funny with their own unique talents and personalities. Things can be chaotic and stressful at times, but they bring me happiness and love every day. I don't regret it for a second.


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190833.

We never have a normal thanksgiving because it's more important to my husband to hunt on that day instead of spending time with family.


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190832.

I dread thanksgiven. My wife make it so tense.


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190831.

"How dare you ask if I'm feeling better today? How fucking dare you. You think I wasn't in a good mood yesterday? Well fuck you. I'm always in a good mood. I know you think I'm a bitch. Well I'm not the bitch you are. You are a man bitch who acts like a little fucking girl, always asking about my emotional state. Well let me tell you my emotional state is fine. You are the one with the fucking mood problem, always snooping into my state of mind. Fuck you asshole."

Oh, okay, I'm the one in a bad mood and you are a happy person. Thanks for clearing that up.


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190830.

I've already been to a lawyer.


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190829.

I'm seeing a lawyer after the holidays.


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190828.

I'm confused as to what happened at work. I enjoyed working at my job. Everyone got along and we did good work. Then we hired this one programmer. He talked all day about the "right" way to program. He was kind of condescending about it. He knew best. No one else did - according to him. I just ignored him.

He began to see me as his rival and a threat. He would bad mouth me to others. I didn't deserve that. I don't do harm to anyone. I just keep my nose down and do my job.

Senior management called me in and wanted to know why others don't like me. What? All but the trouble maker were my friends. I've gone out to dinner with all of them numerous times. I've been to their homes. They've been to mine. But this one trouble maker created an underlying theme that I was not well-liked and I do bad work.

Christmas bonus time came. I got a reduction. A reduction? Me? I stayed late every night and got the most work done. But I got a reduction? The bosses said again it's because I'm not well liked.

How frustrating. The troubled programmer was like a cancer.  He was destroying a department that was working very well before he arrived.

I finally quit. After almost 10 years of working there I left the job I loved. There was no point in me staying. My name was smeared.

Guess what happened next? Without me churning out code, everyone slowed down. They spent their time listening to the trouble maker tell stories of how great he is. Funny thing though, for all of his self proclaimed expertise, he never actually managed to write code. He was a faker in my view. He just talked.

A year went by. The department got nothing done. The bosses finally cut a bunch of projects that were way past due. So much money wasted. In outrage the trouble maker quit. I think his leaving was a big act. He didn't want to be fingered as the reason nothing was getting done. So he stormed off in a dramatic huff while bad mouthing the company management. Just like he had bad mouthed me.  

But what was all of this? The department was good and solid. Then management allowed a good guy like me to be forced out while the trouble maker stayed and dragged down everything. I thought well dressed business types in suits were supposed to be better at reading people. I guess not. Almost everyone in a company is a faker, taking a good game and just pretending to know what they are doing.


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190827.

I have no sex drive


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190826.

Hey. Guess what? This marriage won't last either. Yeah I'm talking to you


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190825.

Out of desperation, I made a decision to overdraw my current bank account as much as possible ($500), and start a new account with my next paycheck. I was very tired of overdrawing every single payperiod and ending up in the hole as soon as I got paid. I realize that I'm getting myself in trouble with my current bank, and that eventually I'll have to pay this money back, but, as I said....desperation. I used the $500 I got as a final overdraw to buy some stuff from Amazon for Christmas, pay my electric bill, and buy some groceries. I doubt any bank will give me another account, but I'll figure it out. This is middle class my friends. This is the result of a 4 year college degree, and still not making ends meet. How depressing for my kids' futures.


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190824.

818 It won't stop until good women tell the bad ones to straighten up. Men can't be men when confronting a woman.
When a man confronts a man there is always a primal issue below the surface that "if it gets to bad a fight will determine the outcome".
Men can't approach a woman that way. So real men ignore bad women.
Good women straighten out your silly sisters!


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190823.

Some people have children for egotistical reasons.  They regard themselves as wonderful specimens and think the world will be a better place with more like them.

.


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