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187152.

I and everyone I care about are truly living in the worst possible timeline, with the most amount of suffering possible.


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187151.

I noticed that whenever my four year old is hungry, I am strongly compelled to get him food.  This should seem obvious- feed your child.  But it's like this evolutionary compulsion.  Unless it's sugary junk food or right before we're about to eat a meal, if he tells me he's hungry, my mind just becomes overridden with the idea of getting him food.  I can tell him to wait a few minutes while I finish something, but all the time while I'm finishing up there's this sense in my head that repeats "must get food... must get food... must get food..." until I give the kid some crackers.  It MUST get done.  I guess we're all just monkeys in clothes after all.


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187150.

Why the fuck does my boss want a regular meeting at 3 pm on a Tuesday?  That means I can't leave early without him knowing on that day.  I didn't get a few advanced degrees so I would have to work all day.


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187149.

My wife and I have not had sex in four years.  We had sex two times in a week so she could get pregnant.  Prior to that, we had not had sex in two years.  We had sex over a two month period so she could get pregnant.  We had sex one time prior to that the year before.  She didn't want to, but she gave in.  We had sex a few times in the year before that.  That's been the last 7 years, half of our marriage.

I can see why guys cheat.  Porn and masturbation can only release so much in a guy.


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187148.

Um, yeah. Water seeks its own level. That should scare the shit out of you.


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187147.

My boyfriend said if he ever was diagnosed with cancer that he would holistic treatment and CBD oil over chemo and radiation therapies.

Umm...what?? He is a smart man. It confuses me so much that he would choose this unproven "treatment" over medical science. I flat out told him I don't believe in that type of unproven and non-medically researched treatment when we live in age of advanced medical science. I support him in every way...except this.

Obviously this is a scenario that might not even happen, but it's the principle of the whole thing that bothers me. I had a migraine and he said to rub some oil on my head. Didn't work. But you know what did? The safe and effective medication my doctor prescribed me. Science...!

Because I love him so much and we want to spend our lives together, it distresses me that if he were to get sick, he'd choose treatments that are not effective or scientifically proven. I feel that if I allowed him to choose that, I'd be allowing to get more sick or die. But if I spoke up against it and tried to dissuade him, I'd be controlling and interfering with his right to make decisions about his own health...


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187146.

Fuck them. I don't ever want to think about them, they are filth. They are so fake, only nice when other are around, that's not how a family should be. Shame on you, thinking you can fool everyone including yourselves, nothing is sincere about you


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187145.

Deep within, past the surface chemical emotions, into the inner core. Deep inward solitude is where fullfiment lives. Peace is inside.


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187144.

Tonight I realized that a good friendship is more than likely going to end after tonight. I am not going to push to keep it but rather allow for it to end organically.  Tonight showed me a lot about our friendship and honestly there we are on two different paths of life and that is ok. Our friendship has come to an end now.


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187143.

I came so close to sleeping with this one guy. A few years later I found out he died of AIDS. Holy shit.


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187142.

Why can't the women who like sex and then men who like sex ever find each other and get married? Then all the sexless people would have no choice but to marry each other. It's what they deserve. They can make themselves miserable.


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187141.

When I was probably 14 or 15 I went to a summer camp for 2 weeks. One day the counsellors took us on a canoe trip to an island with a high cliff that we could cliff jump off of (you could never get away with that today!) Some of the boys were jumping off the cliff. I had no intention of doing it, but a few of them were standing in a group talking about how "no girl would ever be brave enough" to do it. That pissed me off so I said I was going to do it and I stripped down to my bathing suit. The cliff wasn't straight down. It was a little slanted, so you kind of had to take a running start and jump out so you wouldn't land on the rocks at the bottom. So I ran and I jumped out. I did synchronized swimming at that time, so it was automatic for me to stretch my arms above my head, arch my back, point my toes. I heard somebody say "she's so graceful." Then I was falling, falling, still falling. It seemed to take a long time, so I looked down. All I could see was the rocks rushing toward me and I opened my mouth and screamed. Then I hit the water. Hard. It hurt. I was glad I did the synchro pose so that I hit the water so cleanly. It must have been super painful for everybody that just jumped.  Looking back, it was really dangerous, but it was pretty awesome. I'm glad I did it.


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187140.

#136: Not all women are like this. Leave her because she's not gonna have sex with you, it  doesn't matter what you buy her... and you shouldn't have to do all that in the first place... this is super humiliating and you shouldn't have to endure this... she married you for the wrong reasons. You seem like a nice guy trapped in an awful situation. Don't waste your time...


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187139.

Everything is in paradox with everything, and nothing, at the same time.

Just as your body and mind is symmetrically aligned into two haves, one's perception can also be completely opposite, yet completely complementary at the same time. Two opposite halves working to make a whole.

The world of reason provides many paradox that can't be so easily reconciled. It takes a spiritual awareness to see the limitations of reason exist, and at the same time are boundless.

Life is not random OR intended. It is both randomly intended and intentionally random.

One needs to point the mirror at the mirror to see how endless it really is.


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187138.

I have an itch on the bottom of my foot that won't go away. There's no rash or anything like that. Just a super annoying itch.


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187137.

I'm a wife and I have a much higher sex drive than my husband. I don't initiate anymore because a girl can only take so much rejection. We do have sex, just not very often. It makes me sad, but I've learned to live with it.


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187136.

When I look back at my marriage, I was such a fool. The writing was on the wall. I chose not to read it.

The day we came back from our honeymoon, I suggested my wife and I have sex. She said she was too tired. Next day the same thing. And the days after that. When the weekend rolled around, I pushed the idea again. My new bride said she couldn't have sex for a while because she "had to work on the photo album for the wedding."

Wait what? The photo album?

Turns out "a while" meant 6 months. Can you believe it, we didn't have sex for six months after the honeymoon.

It's not that she didn't like sex. It's that she was using it for control. She wanted things. Her plan was to starve me. Then it would be easy for her to get her way in exchange for a quickie. It was nothing but manipulation on her part. Her agreeing to sex in those first two years was in exchange for something. We did it three times in two years. Who has a marriage where sex only happens three times in the first two years? It was absurd.

The first time at the six month mark, she wanted to quit her job and not work anymore. That got me a fuck. Six months later she wanted me to buy her an Audi. That was another fuck.

And the third time was very telling. It was at about 18 months. She had gotten out of the shower and was standing at the bathroom sink. I came in to take a shower. I normally wasn't allowed to see her naked. That was part of her manipulation. Every time she was naked it was behind a closed door. But here I was walking in on her naked.

I was immediately aroused. After all, both sex and seeing her naked was rare. So while standing there behind her, I leaned inwards and before she knew what happened, I push my cock inside her.  She was like what are you doing, what are you doing...

I said I'm you husband and I'm having sex with you. She was out of comebacks and excuses - even though she had still not done the wedding photo album lol. So she stood there holding onto the sink while I fucked her. Being so deprived, it took all of two minutes.

Afterwards she was so mad. Livid mad. You know why? Because we had sex and she didn't get anything from it. No diamond earrings, no trip to Europe. She acted liked she was robbed. She wouldn't talk to me for days.

Finally I had it out with her. I told her she was a con artist. I said husbands and wives have sex. Enough of her manipulation. Enough! I was mad. I probably could have slapped her I was so frustrated.

She started in with the fake tears saying she felt like she was sexually abused by me at the bathroom sink that morning.

That really made my blood boil.

That was not sexually abused!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUSBANDS AND WIVES HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!

I told her either we have sex more often. Or we go to a marriage counselor. Or we skip all that crap and I call a lawyer and the marriage is over.

She reluctantly opted for the marriage counselor. Which turned into another two years of sexless hell, but at least she was/is discussing the situation.

Worst thing I ever did was get married. Worst thing ever. The courtship was fine. We had sex. It turned on a dime as soon as we were married.

This bizarre marriage zaps all my strength. Everyday is frustration for me. Everyday I'm feeling used. Everyday I want to leave her, but I keep hanging on hoping something will change and the marriage counselor will work. I'm a fool. I should cut my losses and run away from this totally fucked up women.

Why do women act this way? Why why why? It's revolting.


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187135.

I met a woman at a party.  Liked her.  We had a lot in common.  She liked me and she liked sex.  We've been together as a loving couple for 48 years.  She still likes sex!

We never got married.

M/70+


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187134.

After being married for several years, I realize why people cheat. The wedding cake is an anti-sex device.

I tried to hold it together. I tried to seduce her in every way, but the only thing I got was "Thanks baby" and a raped bank account. I couldn't bring myself to cheat on her, so I embraced porn. Pictures, videos, GIFs, text, audio, I like them all. I even started writing erotica.

Guess what happened?

After being chastised for "chasing her body" and changed my focus, life was awesome. For a month. Then I got in trouble for *not* chasing her, jerking off in the shower, or rubbing one out to porn.

There is no winning. Women only like sex to trap a man into marriage, tease him for their enjoyment, or screw him out of his money in any way she can.

Yay feminism


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187133.

My wife and I don't have sex. Once a year if that. I want much more. She doesn't. She wins. What bothers me the most though is that I discovered on many nights my wife goes to bed before me an masturbates. So she won't have sex with me. But she takes care of herself. It disappoints me and makes me feel like she is not a good person.


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187132.

If I see something good in someone else's trash, I'll take it.


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187131.

I feel like I've embarrassed myself my entire life. Everything I've ever said and done makes me cringe. I don't want to die or anything. I just don't want to be near people anymore.


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187130.

I started this job almost two years ago as a contractor. It was all rah rah and we're a team and do a good job and you might go temp to perm. I am not any closer to perm status after two years. I've planned a trip that I delayed last year. They agreed to "let me go". My secret? I acted thankful but ever cell in my body was screaming fuck all of you. You want me to keep my head down and offer me nothing while being thankful you let me work there. Fuck you.


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187129.

A thought experiment: If you could write a suicide note right now, what would it say?

I have no desire to do so, but the thought really brought life into focus for me. Hope it does the same for you.


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187128.

The proudest moment of my life was the first time I ejaculated into my mother!  Sadly, for legal reasons, I can't  tell anyone, so instead I'll tell EVERYone!
If only every man could go home each night and make beautiful love to his mother, there'd be no more war, and the world would be such a peaceful, loving place!


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187127.

My car failed inspection because the engine warning light is on. The garage did a computer diagnostic and found out the seat warmer isn't working. Really? My car isn't worthy of being on the road if the seat warmer isn't working? What the hell does this have to do with emissions testing? How the hell does this make my car unsafe? Government, get the fuck out of my business!


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187126.

My wife says "Good morning" to me in the same way a terrorist would greet a kidnapped American prisoner. It's filled with a menacing hatred. It's as if my wife is saying "Good morning... and now I will torture and brutalize you for the rest of the day because you must pay for everything bad that has ever happened to me."


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187125.

In one vein we say, "To thine own self be true," and in another we continue, "fake it until you make it."  

Which, the fuck, is it?!!!

How bipolar are those directions.  Oh, hey, you're not feeling so great today, pretend you are!

Oh hey, bummed out?  Then let people know, don't be as "sick as your secrets."

Sometimes, the directions are in direct conflict with each other.  I'm not trying to ruffle feathers, just trying to be Captain Obvious here and state the hypocracy here.  Let's go the route of "to thine own self be true."  I think "fake it until you make it," is kind of a crock.  If I wanted to be fake I would time travel back to my teenage years and early twenties.  That was a painful period where I was constantly trying to be the person everyone wanted me to be.  Screw that noise.  Now I'm about realness.  Whether it comes off sexy or not, that is irrelevant - it's authentic, it's truthful, it's raw - it's REAL.

Fake = gross and diminishing.  It brings you closer to your lower base self.  I want to be risen up to my higher self.  Even if it means having some humility and letting people know how I'm truly doing, instead of what they want to hear..

Fake is everything that's wrong with our society today.  I mean, can you people believe there is a reality show coming out about teenagers with Down Syndrome?!!!  Like, wtf America?  Aren't we doing poorly enough having Trump as our mouthpiece ... do we really need a reality show about children with Down's?!!  And where the HELL are those kids parents?!!!  How could you exploit your kids like that?!!!

Fake, fake boobs, fake nose, fake paycheck (reality show) ... all of that is everything that is wrong with where we are as a society.  Airbrushing = fake body.  It's all wrong.  It's all false, it's all bullshit.  

Reality, which does not involve television cameras following you aroud as you shop or air time.  That's where it is safe to live.  Even if it feels vulnerable, even if it is uncomfortable.  It's real.  It is authentic.  It is truthful.  

When is society going to shift towards being real?  

How about all the refugees in the world today?  Who gives 2 flying fucks about some kids falling in love with Down's Syndrome on tv when there are real people out there, real teenagers cutting themselves because there is no end to their refugee camp in sight?!!! There are nine year old children attempting and succeeding at suicide to escape their pain.  How about getting in touch with REALITY.  Not exploiting children, how about coming to their rescue, instead of being part of their demise.

Society is gross and convoluted.  Sometimes it's so dark and depressing.

That's when I want to go live in a Yurt somewhere in the woods and just say peace out to everyone and everything and just live off the land, off the grid.  I can see how people just pick up and leave their old lives behind.

The irony in this secret is that I'm actually in a good mood, heading to the beach, having my coffee.  This is just what I ended up typing, it was sort of stream of concsiousness.


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187124.

121...How are you ? & screw those bastards...get out of onesided relationships. I would rather have no friends than have friends like those...I would cut them off..
You will be alone for a while...but you will make new friends who are worthy of your kindness...
Take your power back...life is too short to be putting up with those suckers.
Hang in there & life goes on!!


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187123.

I'm quitting everything. No more drugs, no more drink, no more smoke.


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187122.

I dated a woman for a while who would stick her finger up her own ass during sex. It was the hottest thing I've ever seen. I never should have let her get away.


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187121.

I'm so alone. All my 'friends' call me when they are having a hard time and I am there for them and listen and talk them through it. But no one ever stops to ask how I am or cares. This life is not for me.. I hate being so hurt and having no one to lean on.


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187120.

you cannot remain
at war
between
what you want to say (who you really are)
and
what you should say (who you pretend to be)
your mouth was not designed to eat itself

~split


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187119.

I'm terrified #114 is directed at me. I'm sorry. I know I've been a terrible wife. I can change. Please give me a chance.


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187118.

High school football doesn't teach young men confidence. It teaches them arrogance.


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187117.

My exit strategy is to pound her hard in the ass. Then the moment I'm finished emptying in her rectum, I'll lean into her ear and whisper, "I'm divorcing you."


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187116.

I think there could still be, still, some poetry left in me. For you though. You always.


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187115.

You are making a mistake. I love you, but you are dumb.


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187114.

Please let this disastrous marriage be over soon.


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187113.

Frankly, I never would have believed that I would love again. I went from an insecure, jealous, gaslighting psycho to a kind, loving and secure woman who  completely accepts me as I am and loves unconditionally.

I couldn't be happier.  💕


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187112.

Stop asking me and bothering me about why I don't look at your Snapchat stories. I already know what you look like. I don't want to see 25 selfies of you and videos you take of you singing The Weeknd seductively. You're doing it all for male attention, and then when you get lots and lots of male attention, you publicly ridicule them and somehow use that to get even more male attention. We see each other like twice a year, and the last time we did, you spent more time looking around to see who was looking at you. It's too much, girlfriend. Tone it down.


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187111.

I teeter between following my heart, seeing the beauty in everything and being a hardened, jaded individual.


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187110.

She said something about "falling in love" as if it was a bad thing. She did the thing, so it was pointless. The catch is thankfully for her it didn't work. That is what she wanted. I always wanted what was best for her.

I can remember her words. Not sure why I would remember it this way. She did everything and didn't fall in love. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I waited too long as someone took my place.  

Supersymmetry? The ship sails on. Beautiful orange blossoms fall down all around us. Forget me if you must my sister star if it makes you happy if it helps you survive.


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187109.

Let's call this person "Chris", just so you don't know our genders or relationship.

I found Chris in the garage.  Chris was wearing a tiny swim suit, a blindfold, a ball gag, plus headphones blasting music. Chris was in the garage, wrists and ankles bound to the wall.

No witnesses, no proof, and no regerts. Well, maybe one regret. I don't know if my action or lack of action with Chris was right or honorable.

I felt regret the afterwards.

I won't say what happened, but looking at the situation later, I think I should have..........

Ahhhh, the desire. Chris is so sexy I can't stand it. Good thing Chris didn't call the cops.


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187108.

Please don't subject my daughter to that stupid fucking ogre... it's bad enough she has to be around you every day. In a fair world I would be able to slay you both in this mortal existence and do it again in multiple after lives. You have no clue who you ar fucking with.


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187107.

a guy came over from Craiglist last night and jacked off to my wife's lace thongs, I actually help him stroke, he was a heavy cummer. it was hot. I don't label myself as 'gay' I just don't or have ever been attracted to men. Just cocks, I love cock. If I could suck my own cock comfortably. You'd never see me again.
M49


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187106.

I posted 186038 about a month ago.  I was 80 pounds overweight.

At that point I had lost 12 pounds.  68 pounds to go.

Now I have lost 23 pounds.  57 pounds to go.

I'm doing it!  Every week there's a minute change on the scale.  Sometimes it's not noticeable, but over three weeks I can see a big difference.  My pants are becoming looser.  I haven't been wearing a belt because I'm loving the feeling of having to pull my pants up as I walk.

I gained the weight over 20 years as a result of a long term health problem I hadn't known about.  Nothing I did could get any pounds off me.  I just kept gaining weight.  The problem had gotten so bad that it was finally identified, and just some simple changes is now causing me to lose this weight.  I will be so glad to get this off of me.  Maybe I won't get back down to my old weight of 20 years ago, but I won't complain if I lose 50 pounds.

It's just nice seeing this dream turn into a reality.

In other news, I don't know why 57 sounds more to me than 68.


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187105.

We had a platonic friendship.  It was like the phase right before things heat up.  I had a huge crush on her sister even though they looked very similar. Her sister was brooding and depressed all the time.  I kind of always felt a little sorry for her.

Much to my delight, we had a wonderful time exploring old churches, diners, roads through the woods, trails.  She was down to earth.  We didn't put each other on pedestals.  We weren't acting cute for the camera.  Two friends exploring life together. Just what my soul needed.


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187104.

A thin line of boric acid around the borders of the rooms in your house will keep roaches away 100%. The apartments above mine and on both sides of mine have roaches, but I don't. Because of boric acid. Look it up. And it's not gonna harm you or your pets


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187103.

My secret. The company received a legal document requesting all of our emails on both our work machines and home machines. The company then instructed us to delete all of our emails. I kept copies.


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187102.

Molly Parker is nuclear winter. What a babe.


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187101.

098 thank you. The roach traps I have set up in my apartment look ugly and it embarrasses me. I don't know if I even need them but coffee grounds sound better than the chemical shitstorm of Raid!  I'm willing to try anything to start fighting this phobia.


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187100.

I always enjoyed eating at my work's cafeteria.  Then last week I was getting a tray, and there was a bug crawling across the counter!  What kind of sick fuck brought that shit in here?  It must have been one of the new guys, because it was always clean.  I have lost my appetite for eating in the cafeteria, and only buy a few things away from that counter.


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187099.

Not all men act like perverts.  That's just a stereotype.  Women can be perverts too.  It's that time of the month, so they are desperate to get pregnant, so they hit on every man they can.  I've had women want to cheat on their husbands to be with me.


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187098.

I lived in an apartment for about 2 years.  During the last 6 months, the place became infested with cockroaches.  It got worse and worse.  No matter how clean you are, it doesn't matter when you live in an apartment.  If your neighbors are filthy, you get their filth.

I feel I moved out just in time.  A week before my departure, I caught one crawling across my bedroom rug.  They were leaving the kitchen and going elsewhere in my apartment.  Finally, I was gone, and glad to leave those roaches behind.

But there's one problem.  Roaches get everywhere, and they get into your packing boxes.  Within two weeks of moving into my first house... there was a cockroach on my fucking kitchen counter!!  It had caught a ride in my moving boxes from my infested apartment.  It ran off before I could smash the thing.

I was horrified.  There was a 50% chance it was female, and if it was pregnant, I was fucked.  My new house would be overrun by those things.  Thankfully, I went online and found a remarkably effective and simple solution that requires no chemical.  All you need is coffee grounds, a jar, and some masking tape.

Roaches are drawn to used coffee grounds.  Used coffee grounds are like crack cocaine to cockroaches.  You dump the coffee grounds in the jar, fill it with like an quarter-inch of water, and then wrap the jar in the masking tape.  Every cockroach in your house will run to the jar, crawl up the side on the tape, fall into the coffee grounds and water, and drown because they can't get back up the side.  

The next morning, there was the cockroach I had seen the day before, dead in the water.  I saw another cockroach a few years later, did the same thing with the coffee grounds, and the next morning it was in the jar, dead.  There is nothing more effective to get rid of those foul creatures than that.


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187097.

Men disgust me. I was in a lecture. I was sitting in the back of the room. Half a dozen men were sitting in front of me. At one point a pretty woman walked across the front of the room. As she passed everyone's view, these men opened their mouths and started wagging their tongues back at forth while smiling at each other. They looked like dogs. Do you get that men, you look like mangy mutts with no sense of decency. Aren't you embarrassed to be men?


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187096.

I was going to ask if we could work together again.  I had thought the vibe was good.

Then, in broad daylight today, with many kids running around you clearly were looking right at me, I smiled & waved and you just looked right through me.

I may not know much, but I know I'm not about to saddle up next to that.

Frankly, I'm not in a rush to get working with anyone again.  There is so much ego involved.  The former friendship gets muffled somehow, and suddenly it's teacher and student.

You know what, I'm all set.  See ya around like a 🍩 Toots!

Next time I'll pretend I have no idea who you are, seems to be the way you like it.


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187095.

Sometimes my depression is like a candle in the corner of the room. Other times it's like the room is on fire.

I rewatched part of "The Bridge" last night and it helped me get through an otherwise miserable series of situations today.

The scary thing is, the less attached I am, the more I identify with the jumpers. I don't want to identify with them, even out of curiosity.

Speaking of, there is the curious case of the guy who survived who realized all of his problems could be solved after it was too late.

I want to live, but I am steadily getting more and more detached from everything. It's safer not to have concerns.


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187094.

My anxiety is bad today. Can anyone please tell me how I can stop being so hateful and critical of myself? There's a voice in my head constantly tearing me down. It is so self destructive.


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187093.

Men are pigs who think only about emptying their nuts. They start wars over their nuts. If we castrated all men, the world would be a better place.


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187092.

Women are evil


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187091.

I think I'm having a food baby.
Hope it won't hurt.

35M


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187090.

Why do people indulge people who have OCD and anal retentive personalities? Just because you feel like you have to have things the way you want them, doesn't mean you should. It seems like coddling. You wouldn't tell someone with depression to go ahead and stay in bed all day since they feel like they can't move, right?


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187089.

Just wait til she takes her selfishness to the Internet....
You'll forget about everything else.


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187088.

Typical. I take my wife and son out for Chinese food. When the waitress puts the order on the table, my son takes a serving spoon and stirs up the cold sesame noodles. The noodles are on bottom, the sauce is on top, so he stirs them.

I take a serving spoon and sir up the szechuan dumplings. Same sort of thing, dumplings on bottom, sauce on top, so I stir them.

My wife take a serving spoon and starts loading her plate. We aren't even finished stirring them, but she's jamming her spoon in there to get some. See what happens? My son and I do what is good for all. My wife, she does what is good for herself.

This seems petty. But this is what she is like with everything all the time. She does whatever is best for her. No one else matters. If we are watching a tv show, my wife will come in and change the channel. She'll never get the mail from the mailbox, she leaves it for everyone else. She'll never pay a bill, I have to do it. She'll never feed the dog. She'll only answer the phone after checking the caller ID to make sure it is for her. If it is for me or our son, she won't pick it up. If she spills coffee on the floor, she'll leave it there. I do all the laundry. When I see the hamper is full, I do a load. If my wife needs clean clothes and I haven't yet gotten to the laundry, she'll pick her things out of the hamper and put only her items in the washing machine. You've never met a woman as self centered as my wife.


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187087.

I don't want to live with this hatred in my heart. I feel like it poisons me. No one sees how I seethe with anger and hatred towards him and the effect being with him still has on me.

Two years ago I moved in with the guy I was dating at the time. Shortly after getting a job and settling in, I realized the apartment was infested with cockroaches. I'd never even seen a cockroach. They terrified me. They're dirty and spread disease. This horrified me. They began spreading from the kitchen to the rest of the house. I became paranoid and anxious. It felt like they were everywhere. I wouldn't even cook food in the kitchen anymore. I bought lean cuisines and plastic flatware and that was my diet for two months.

My ex didn't care. As far as he was concerned, it wasn't a big deal. Just wash off your plates before you use them, he thought. His apathy to the infestation and the fact that I was slowly being to lose my sanity drove me over the edge. I had a nervous breakdown and he didn't care. I got a personal loan from the bank and moved out of that place in January 2016. I was rid of him forever.

But I wasn't rid of the paranoia. I moved 4 hours away into my own place, and I still find myself being hypervigilant. Whenever I see something out of the corner of my eye that appears to be moving, I'll think it's a roach and a flash of panic runs through me. When I walk into the kitchen for a glass of water in the middle of the night, i turn on the light and stop  before I walk into the kitchen. I scan the counters for anything crawling away. I saw a couple of them at different times that got in from the crack under my screen door, and all the fear came rushing back. I have a can of raid now that kills them quite fast.

When does it stop? When does this fear stop?? Every time I have a reaction to something I think might be a roach, I become angry when the fear subsides. Even though I'm rid of him, there's this one thing that still follows and affects me and reminds me of that horrible time. Besides this, I've put everything else about that relationship in the past. I don't want to be angry and hateful, but it's hard...it is so hard.


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187086.

I've realized you're toxic.  I will do better.


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187085.

Not Rape, Not death of a loved one, Not abuse, Not physical harm, Not Cancer, None of these hurts you more than deception and betrayal from someone you love.
I know.. I've experienced them all.

A wayward spouse has no idea of the damage they do with their selfish behavior.


best  
187084.

Yesterday, all of a sudden, she hugged me and said, "I love you. I'm sorry it's so random but I forgot you're the type of person that needs to hear it."  

I love her sooooo much!!! :D


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187083.

I'm an American, and I hate this fucking country so much. We try to act like we're better than everyone else, so "advanced" and "equal" while only a tiny fraction of the country actually HAS that experience.

We're a fucking land mass of posers. We focus on composing false images of ourselves for the public online, as if that were important. Our laws are merely pretenses to those in power. Even our food is fucking artificial!! And not GMO's, I'm talking high fructose corn syrup, red dye #40, yellow dye #5, and the plethora of processed garbage we push out in massive quantities.  

I can't wait until I can leave. I'm definitely not raising my kids in this mess.


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